Lets assume you are in driving distance (rather than plane). An admissions director at a school about 4 hours + from our home told me the following. You may make the drive about 4 times per year, max. His point: don’t necessarily rule a school out based on it being X hours additional away. S0-actually we ended up crossing that school off for distance factors. The remaining schools are anywhere from 20 m - 3 1/2 hours. I realize many have said 2.5 hours represents a “sweet spot” in which one can easily make a round trip. Let’s assume you are at the longer end of driving distance so if you do go it means an overnight but not so far that it means the $$$ of a plane trip. There is drop off at the beginning of course, parents weekend, and pick up at the end. Technically, child could come back on public transportation for the vacations. How many additional “trips” beyond the 3 I mentioned might one factor in–to not smother the child of course but also for the child to not feel abandoned. . . I know this probably tapers off with the passing years and depends on the kid of course.
My sense was that many parents would come to see their kids in a theater or musical performance, and sometimes for a big athletic match-up but that otherwise, most of the travel was done by the student on public transportation, and that was to come home. Remember that BS breaks tend to be on the long side to accommodate students who come long distances, and the upside of that is that you will get to spend quite a bit of time with your child without having to go to school.
We are about 3.5 hours away (more or less depending on route/weather conditions. We generally drive both ways for breaks, because the school charges so much for transportation to the train station that it is just too much with two kids. We go for family weekend and performances. We don’t normally go to athletic events unless our son is playing at a school closer to our home). We usually, but not always, stay overnight (pickups and drop-offs are done in a day, sometimes other trips). Both parents don’t go all the time, and each of us has been known to make a random visit once or twice.
I think it also depends a lot on the kid. Our older kid really likes us to come watch his games if we can, and is always happy to be taken out for a meal. Our younger kid doesn’t care all that much, and sometimes doesn’t particularly even care about seeing us if we’re there offering to feed them both. If your kid does play sports, be sure to check the schedule for where the away games are, as sometimes you can cut as much as an hour or more off your driving time by going to an away game that’s closer to you than your kid’s school.
I’d consider 7D2 an anomaly due to her sports events/training…we saw her about 2x month when she went to Masters (about 1.5-2 hours away depending on traffic). Now we see her…let’s just say “more frequently”.
When 7D1was at SAS (approx. 2.5 hours of driving), I’d say we made the drive about 4-6 times a semester. For example, in Fall Semester: Drop-off, Pick-up, Fall Break (pick0up/drop-off — though sometimes she’d stay on campus), and Parents weekend. Spring Semester: Drop-off, Pick-up, Spring Break (pick0up/drop-off), Arts Weekend, Home Crew Meet, etc.
I know a few dads that drove 3-4 hours each way for pretty much every game during the season.
I went to every game (2x a week home and away) but shorter distances.
We are an hour away (though it has take over 2 hours one time Friday afternoon on a holiday weekend). First year we went up more frequently but he was on fall and spring sports teams that year that played other schools. Also we usually end up going up more in the fall and less in the spring. After a year or two he didn’t want to come home for long weekends unless there was a specific reason to come home - he preferred to stay on campus and hang out with his friends. His grandparents all live less than an hour from school too, so are happy to go up for a quick visit and meal. If he needs something one of us can go for a quick trip. Also usually one of us goes for pick up/drop off for vacations.
With parents for whom a hotel is required, I would say that most do not attend every game. It is not unusual, however, to see them plan a combo trip once or twice a year, e.g., if there is a game Thursday and a game the next Monday, they may come up on Thursday for the first game, let the kid take a weekend off campus to join them in the hotel, then leave after the game on Monday. Occurs more with parents in the earlier grades.
Are Monday/Thursday games common? In pretty much all the schools I am familiar with, the vast majority of games are on a Wed/Sat schedule.
No, not common, but teams do occasionally have games on non-Wed/Sat days. I think it tends to happen more with JV and thirds teams – my daughter plays on a thirds team, and often has games on odd days, because their opponents aren’t necessarily the traditional boarding schools.
We’re 2.5 hours away, and we go up pretty frequently: all home games on weekends, some home games during the week (varsity plays 2, sometimes 3, games a week, usually on Tues or Weds in addition to Sat), family weekend, alumni weekend, and to collect him before breaks. He has also chosen to come home for special events (club matches, a friend’s Eagle ceremony, etc). So, we’ve put a number of miles on the car since he’s been there. We also renewed our Sirius XM subscription so that we can have stuff to listen to when we’re going over the mountains/out of range. lol
All of these replies were very helpful. The schools we are looking at are at a range of 30 m- 3 hours (max) so I feel we will be able to visit as much as is appropriate.
I always found that showing up with food made me a welcomed guest. 
@doschicos I remember that advice of yours from previous posts, and I’m already scoring food points with my kid’s dorm! Being 22-hour-drive (7-hour-connecting-flight) away, I may not be able to visit, but USPS has my back… I’ve sent 4 care packages so far, and they’ve all been devoured, I hear.
@GoatMama I think I channeled my emotions around missing my kids and having an empty nest into baking.