<p>After my first year, they completed the financial aid forms.</p>
<p>I did 6 college visits, 3 on-campus interviews, SAT testing and application without my parents even being aware. They were aware of an overnight visit I did.</p>
<p>My mom saw my college AFTER I put down a deposit. My Dad saw it a few weeks AFTER I started.</p>
<p>This is probably why I am very involved with my niece and son. I loved my school, but I could have probably found more options and better financial options if my parents had more access to information.</p>
<p>I am amazed at how much information is available today, but it also complicates an already complicated process. But for those of you who had very uninvolved or even uninterested parents, there must have been some relief in their never being on your case about it either! Is it less stressful to wait for something on your own or have everyone else in the family sitting on pins and needles too?</p>
<p><a href=“T”>quote</a>he good old fashioned pick up game in the park, all of that has gone the way of the EC’s within biking distance.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think you’d be extremely lucky to even be within biking distance these days!</p>
<p>I was strangely uninterested in the college search process; I guess I figured it all would work out. My mother must have been doing a lot of work behind the scenes. She invited representatives from an out of state LAC to spend the night with our family; I got my own private slide show! That summer my family took a 2 week vacation, visiting that college and 2 others suggested by my mother. When I stepped on the campus of the original LAC, I knew it was “the one”. I had a wonderful time there. </p>
<p>It’s strange for me to look back at how passive I was in this arena. I went on to graduate school (my own initiative and my own loans) and nobody today would call me passive!</p>
<p>Longhaul-I think that is why we are more involved in the process with our kids, a couple nieces/nephews and a few of our kids’ friends. My parents and most of my grandparents (and great grandparents) were all college educated. We were just expected to go to college, which was fine. I didn’t do any tours, only talked to admissions reps when they came to the high school and read the mailings-no internet back then to even see photos online. I loved where I ended up but I also wish I would have done some visits, had some more information about what was out there. I remember seeing a news story about one college and from the story thought NO WAY would I EVER go there…Carleton . I don’t remember what the story was about even but I remember thinking the campus looked awful. It’s not, it’s a very lovely campus and had I visited, I would have changed my perception.</p>
<p>Got engaged during my soph. year. Applied and was accepted as a transfer to the state u. where my fiance was working/living. Had never laid eyes on the place or even seen pictures of it. Had no clue about where I was going…only knew that the school offered my major and it was in the right location. </p>
<p>My mom filled out the FA forms for the new school while simultaneously planning a wedding the summer after soph year. I got a loan and work study job thanks to her efforts. For both schools I attended, my mom had no input on the schools themselves but did fill out the FA forms for me.</p>
<p>OP,
They did not drive you to schools? They let you go on your own? They did not help you to buy few things, move in? They did notsupport you financially? You are minority. As a parent, I believe that most parents do more than just filling FASFA. Our kid even considered my list of colleges and ended up going to one opf them. She liked it so much that have asked me to compile the list of her Med. Schools and currently attending one from this list. We are still very much involved, fully support her financially, helped to buy / move in, filling FASFA (just in case), anything that she ask, including going on fancy vacations. Why not?</p>
<p>My mother and I toured the campus of one state school. I hated it, if I remember correctly, because all the guys on the campus had beards (mid-70’s). That would probably fit on the thread of the stupidist reason your child won’t consider a school. But the backdrop was also a lack of money and a discomfort with debt–mine or my mother’s. I had the grades and test scores that I probably could have gotten a full scholarship someplace but didn’t know that and was frankly burned out on school anyway, so enlisted in the military instead to get the GI Bill. </p>
<p>Before being discharged, I applied to only one college, sight unseen. I wanted a place cheap enough to afford and big enough that being older wouldn’t matter. I arrived in the fall directly from the small island overseas where I had been based for the prior few years and found the huge campus to be a terrible culture shock and generally bad fit. But I slogged through because it was very low cost. Between scholarships, GI Bill, and waitressing money, I was able to save money while in college and took a cut in disposable income with my first job. I’m OK with the trade-offs, even in retrospect.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP-no, they did not take me on college tours, they did not pay one dime toward my college education nor did they send spending money, they did drive me to school 2 of my 4 years but pretty much dropped me at the door and went home. From the responses on this thread, I am not in the minority.</p>
<p>Virtually nothing. Neither of my parents graduated from high school and they had no respect for higher education, referring to it as “book learnin”. They would not fill out the financial aid forms saying that their personal information was nobody’s business.</p>
<p>The college I attended was a four hour drive away, too far for them to take me. They did drive me to the bus station, however. I left home with everything I owned in a backpack and a pillow case. Never went back.</p>
<p>swdad1- You never went back? Ever? As a parent, that makes me incredibly sad.</p>
<p>MaimiDAP - You asked, Why Not. Well, beside the risk that doing everything for your kid might not teach them the skills in which to do things themselves, you also risk creating a very entitled individual when you give them everything they ask for. (As an aside, How do you justify fancy vacations AND filling out a FAFSA? While I don’t necessarily disagree with your approach, because I too am willing to be helpful if my kid’s ask especially when it comes to research etc, but just please don’t be one of those parents who have been so busy helping to orchestrate their kids’ lives that when offered their first job, you’re on the phone negotiating their salary!</p>
<p>This thread is really eye-opening for me. I even had a friend who sought my father’s advice about his college plans. After my dad died, this friend told me that my father’s advice that it would be nuts to go to [name redacted] when he could go to [another name redacted] had been life-changing, and the friend would always be grateful for it. ([Another name redacted] did cost more than [name redacted] would have cost. I think friend’s parents weren’t thrilled with the advice at first. But they did come around.)</p>
<p>I am genuinely surprised how many people about my age were left to their own devices with respect to college when they were 17.</p>
<p>One more occasion when I really must say, thank you so much, Mom and Dad!</p>
<p>My parents went through a divorce that year . I had zero support and I paid for it myself at a State University . In the seventies , you went to a CC or University if you wanted to and could afford it . It wasn’t such a big event like it is now . I didn’t know anybody who did the "college tour " .Many people didn’t visit beforehand .You applied to several schools ,got accepted somewhere and went . A few people I knew went to Stanford .I was accepted to UC Berkeley ,but didn’t attend as I thought it was too hippie for my tastes .</p>
<p>We didn’t have a car so my mom couldn’t have driven me anywhere. And what did I need to buy? I took the items that I used at home with me to my dorm. My mom wouldn’t have been able to afford to help me “style” my dorm room but I never even thought that I would need to buy new stuff.</p>
<p>My mom was the secretary to the principal of our school. We moved to that school my junior year. I was really lucky as this school was very good. They had 10 or so national merit semifinalists every year ( early eighties). The counselor sent all of the kids tons of information about scholarships and potential schools. She told me about green and gold day at Baylor. I went and fell in love with the school. My mom took me to the schools I wanted to go to. I only applied to two: Baylor and Southwestern. I wrote my essay and she typed it. She typed my extra-curricular sheet. My parents did FAFSA. I didn’t even know about how it worked. But I paid for 3/4 of my Baylor education with scholarships. My dad lost his job and my parents divorced while I was in college. I needed an extra semester to graduate. My sister was starting aTm. I told my parents that I would completely finance that extra semester. Our financial situation had drastically changed and I had awesome grades. I moved back into the dorm since it was cheaper while I did my student teaching that semester. My scholarships and grants paid for all tuition and dorm expense. I took out a very small loan: 1,500 to pay for living expenses. I paid that back as soon as possible- withing a couple of years of working.</p>
<p>Modadunn,
"MaimiDAP - You asked, Why Not. Well, beside the risk that doing everything for your kid might not teach them the skills in which to do things themselves, you also risk creating a very entitled individual when you give them everything they ask for. "</p>
<p>-Maybe there is a risk. However, so far we have raised very independant and extremely hard working person who is taking nothing for granted, who knows that while some have all kinds of dooors opened to them, she has to open all the doors by herself and only hard work will achieve it. People around her always apprecite her helpful attitude, she was just told by the patient at doc. office that she is the best Medical Student that this person ever met (she was so happy to hear that! It made her day!).
Positive reinforcements creates positive results. Going back to her older bro., he never asked for a dime after graduating from college, all expenses and more (some great trips…etc.) paid by us. More so, he thanked us many times again and again, after learning that many of his friends are paying student loans. On our side, we are doing that to make us feel good and in hope that our children will do the same to their kids. Personally, it is very rewarding. Again, why not?</p>
<p>I grew up in a college town and moved to to the city that school’s rival was located in my senior year in high school. Of course I wanted to attend the school where I grew up, but was now an OOS student. My parents – who were paying – said I could go to the school in our new city, or another school in our new state. I refused to consider the rival school since it was known at that time to have no admission standards other than requiring a pulse for its applicants. My dad took me to see the other option and I decided to go there without an info session or tour. My brother attended the same school two years later, and I don’t believe he looked at any other colleges either.</p>
<p>My dad came up to my room one day and tossed me a college book and said, I hear the so and so’s really like xyz school. It was always a given I was going to college and as the youngest of 4 I didn’t really think about it. I picked a few in some warm places that sounded good. I took the sat once. My dad and I flew to the state I was interested in. Great memories of us sitting in the gulf of mexico for hours. I had to do dance auditions, but I don’t remember touring the school like they do nowadays. He gave is opinion that one was much less expensive, but seemed better. So when I was accepted I just went.</p>
<p>I don’t remember being nervous about being accepted. I don’t remember jumping for joy when I was. My parents didn’t have the money to bring me down there - our trip was it. So I got on a plane alone and moved myself in.</p>
<p>I was the only one of my siblings to attend colllege, a fact that irked my father to his dying day. He always wanted to go to college, but had a mother and sister to support after the death of his father, and then the war came along and that was the end of that. My father was thrilled when I decided to go to college and worked very hard to pay for as much as he could. As I recall, he paid all expenses but the $7,000 in loans that I had taken out, which probably amounted to $15,000 or so plus travel expenses. I don’t recall filling out any paperwork, so I guess he must have done that. Both he and my mother accompanied me when I visited the 3 schools I was considering attending, and he drove me to school each August and picked me up each May. I don’t think their was a more proud parent in the audience on graduation day in May of 1979!</p>
<p>My parents always encouraged me to do well in school and it was expected that I would go to college. However, it was always clear that my parents wouldn’t be able to pay for it. My dad’s contribution to the college process was finding out about magnet schools that I could attend-which I did. My dad was a high school graduate who went into the military and my mom was an immigrant who didn’t have a clue about the American education system except that it was important to go to college. They didn’t have any idea of the schools I was applying to, I had to use my own savings to pay for the application fees and SAT fees. I also did the FASFA but they were more than willing to give me the necessary information. Most of my information came from going to the magnet school.</p>
<p>The one thing my dad did do was step in when the school wanted proof that I was a state resident. I had attended all of high school in the state but because I had listed my father as military, they wanted more information to prove I was really a resident unless I wanted to have to show my parents were still in the state every year. It was a four page form that my parents had to fill out. After the second page, my dad was so disgusted with the questions (he was born in Texas, had always voted absentee in the state, had owned several homes in the state) that he just made a big slash with his pen and said “Texas Resident” and mailed it off. He also contacted our local legislator and told him that this was unnecessary aggravation for the military especially given how big the military is in Texas. A couple weeks later, I got a short letter saying I had been declared a Texas resident.</p>
<p>This thread has made me remember some more bits from my college experience…</p>
<p>I was the only student I knew who didnt own a a typewriter. This wasn’t a problem, though, since I could easily borrow one from a dormmate.</p>
<p>I rarely bought my college textbooks, instead taking them out of the school or public library.</p>
<p>I was SO thankful to be given the ‘gift’ of a college education, made possible through significant financial aid, minimal loans and various part-time jobs.</p>
While I don’t necessarily disagree with your approach, because I too am willing to be helpful if my kid’s ask especially when it comes to research etc, but just please don’t be one of those parents who have been so busy helping to orchestrate their kids’ lives that when offered their first job, you’re on the phone negotiating their salary!</p>