How much responsibility do parents have for helping pay for college?

Parents Forum
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<p>My opinion as an incoming freshman in college: </p>

<p>If possible, parents should put money back in order to pay for a child’s college. It is selfish to not at least try to set up some college fund for your children. What ever you’re combined income is, I’d say around 1.5% of it, before taxes, should be saved every year and invested. If a students parents make around $75,000 a year combined, thats $20,250 saved for the student over 18 years (assuming no interest, if the money is put in a CD, a mutual fund, or in stocks it will likely be substantially more)</p>

<p>Furthermore, this 1.5% of your income per year is not simply just an investment for your child/children (with more than one child… 1.25%, 1%, or .75% would per child would be reasonable), this is an investment for you. Your son or daughter is going to be much more inclined to want to help you, if you were responsible enough to help them. If you get old enough where its hard to care for yourself, would you want your children to stick you in a cheap retirement home and forget about you? </p>

<p>My dad, despite at times making 6 figures a year, put nothing back for my college. I was able to get a full tuition scholarship, and my granddad put money back to pay for my college, so I’m going to be fine. But I do feel like my dad should have put money back for me to go to college, because I might have had to of attended a CC if I wasn’t able to get my scholarship or occur a massive debt. I would have been fine with that if my dad didn’t have the means to save for my education, but considering he had the means, but decided to spend his money on less important things… </p>

<p>I’ll end on that. </p>

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<p>Many good perspectives, opinions, and geographical area constraints for sure. </p>

<p>My parents legally immigrated from Switzerland in the early 1950’s (when everyone was immigrating legally, lol) for better opportunities in the U.S. My dad had finished one year of ag apprenticeship before entering U.S. (but his older brother was inheriting the sizable family farm, so dad and younger brother were sponsored by uncle in TX who first was a farmer then owned an oil rig firm - sort of self made man, saw the opportunity in his area and went for it). Back then you had to have someone sponsor you so that you would not be a burden on U.S. taxpayers, again lol. My mom did a sewing apprenticeship and was sponsored by her dad who purchased a paint store and built up a construction company. Dad was drafted and used GI bill to learn masonry trade, and eventually bought out family construction business, diversified to be even more successful. Before kids, mom ran her own sewing/tailoring shop, and continued sewing for one customer for many years (short lady who wanted to dress with style and could not easily buy off the rack at that time). H’s parents (also in WI) valued education and 4/4 graduated from private colleges at great financial strain - H had relatively small ($7000) student loan; brother had $20,000 or $30,000 loans due to going to ND (wasn’t as pricey then - as well as margin between public and private was not so vast).</p>

<p>My parents also valued college education (at the time, thought as a necessity for real financial success). When I went, as I said, private in state was not much more than public in state (WI). 4/5 have college degrees (all WI, mine 4 year private with double major graduated in 8 sem; sis went two years private, rest public; brothers went public) while other is a successful trades-person/business owner. Back then there were boomerang students too, and parents made it clear we were on our own with college degree.</p>

<p>In our area (N AL), we decided to make the financial sacrifices for Christian schooling through HS. Kids benefited from faith education plus better learning schedule (modified block VS public block in HS). Since I also lived through stage III cancer, faith has been even more important life aspect in our family. Public offered a few more AP courses, but again overall pool of students and education level/classes all year with faith outweighed public. Kids had lots of educational opportunities (lots of summer programs, music - piano and band instrument, one had one overseas trip England/France, other had two, Australia and China; both All State Band or Orchestra and college band scholarships) they had significant opportunities considering our income level. Steered both students to take full advantage of in state opportunities, and both went to schools that offered them the best scholarship and was also their first choice (we have local public in the event needing to save room/board). However we have saved and also kids got some grandparent life insurance $$ - expect both to finish debt free with $$ to spare. Invested money has grown and continues to grow. One wants to go via military through graduate and hopes to get ‘picked up’ in the fall; other is in 5 year STEM MBA (will have enough money for 5th year). Older student has study abroad scholarship so is taking advantage of it June/JL/Aug - scholarship is paying for two week course, rest of money is coming out of college funds set aside (will have places to stay with host family, relatives, and friends; will be paying for some meals the rail passes and tourist stops). I have only been able to visit Swiss relatives using limited vacation time, and my last trip was 16 years ago - since then, resources pretty much going to kids’ expenses, college savings, saving for retirement.</p>

<p>I do sympathize with expensive areas where job opportunities for parents is limited with rising costs; also areas like Hawaii is limiting with high cost there and high cost coming mainland. The key thing is to see what opportunities are there, what student aptitude, interest is, and trying to instill work ethic and all the other things parents try to model and shape so that their children can move forward in life.</p>

<p>If we had more than two children, our choices and student opportunities would have been different - because you can only stretch the money so far. We paid $50,000 in HS expenses; a 3rd would have broken the bank or we would have had to really scrimp in other areas - like driving beaters and not making any trips to see family OOS.</p>

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<p>If our relationship with each other depended on our giving them things or was based on money, that is when I would deem my parenting as a failure.</p>

<p>My kids know how to sacrifice to help the family just as they know we try our very best to help them any way we can. The car that 2 of kids share broke down last week and the new transmission cost $2000. 3 of of our kids (notice one does not even have a driver’s license but the other 2 drive him wherever he needs/wants to go) each contributed $450 toward the repairs and we paid the remainder. </p>

<p>We are family. It isn’t about what we can get from the other. It is all about relationships. We may not give our kids dream educations, but I know they would do whatever they could to help not only us, but each other.</p>

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<p>@Hunt:</p>

<p>I’m not setting limits on majors because I’m capricious or for my own selfish benefit, but because I truly believe a kid being guided by those older and wiser than him is better off than a kid who is making major life decisions by himself. And if I raise them right, they will understand that. </p>

<p>My own parents limited the choices I had in terms of major, and while I disagree still with many of the parameters they set, I’m glad that they steered me to the major I did (which I liked but was not my first love) because through the 2000 dot-com bust and 2008 financial crisis, whenever I have been laid-off, in various industries, the skills I first learned in my major have been the lifeline that have enabled me to find another job. Would that be so true if I had been a history major? I rather doubt it. What would you have suggested to me when, 1 year after graduation from college, my parents’ family business failed, leaving them with nothing, and I would have been the sole breadwinner (which I actually have been since then for my parents) with a history degree and little in the way of hard skills?</p>

<p>How many kids at 18 are worldly enough to understand what the odds are of making it in different fields, how the economy can change, or how much they would prefer to have certain skills when they have actual responsibilities like supporting themselves independently?</p>

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<p>People can set all the conditions they want. Just don’t be surprised to find yourself singing “Cat’s in the Cradle” one of these days.</p>

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<p>You’re assuming that that wouldn’t happen anyway. That if you let your kids run free rather than guiding them, they will treat you better in your old age.</p>

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<p>“Run free?” Again, we’re at extremes. If all you want is pre-professional training, beats me why we don’t have more training schools just to become an accountant or a dental hygienist or whatever. Why bother with gen eds, cores, and electives if it’s all about work. Oh, because college isn’t all about jobs.</p>

<p>If all you need for a career is training and a certificate, why bother with a full fledged U? My D1 had an oft-mocked major and all her interviews are in high tech, btw. She can think, write, analyze, work hard, withstand the usual working crap. Did we let her “run free?” Not a chance. </p>

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<p>I agree with @Mom2aphysicsgeek.</p>

<p>As a family, my money is their money, and spending money on education is an investment. To my mind, allowing them to spend their education money getting an arts education when they are not likely to be able to make it as an artist as an adult is as unforgivable as me spending that money on culturally-enriching vacations abroad instead of investing them in skills my kids will be able to apply through-out life.</p>

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<p>

We’d live in a pretty grim world if everybody thought as you do. I do think that kids have to be realistic, and some fields make lucrative employment pretty unlikely. But there are many people with arts and humanities degrees who are doing just fine, although not always in the area they’d prefer to be. But perhaps I should be grateful to all the parents pushing their talented kids into engineering and medicine–at least they won’t be competing with my kids for scarce arts jobs.</p>

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<p>@lookingforward:</p>

<p>And you know what, if she could work hard, put up with work crap, analyze, & have all those liberal arts skills, she didn’t need her major in college. You don’t need to be a liberal arts major to pick up liberal arts skills.</p>

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<p>Clearly, there are people who do not have the resources to help their children with college. As someone pointed out, there is a difference between giving up food and giving up a vacation to help your kid. Everyone’s situation is different in terms of what resources are available, what sacrifices they’re willing to make, the conditions attached, their goals, and the student. Personally, I feel sorry for the kids whose parents 1) have ample means to help, without sacrifice, but refuse to do so, 2) refuse to fill out the FAFSA, or 3) put “unreasonable” restrictions on them. I am fortunate that I have an asset that I can tap that allows me to help my child without jeopardizing my financial security. </p>

<p>I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a parent to limit choices to what they can reasonably afford without incurring debt or sacrificing their retirement. Or, if the child’s behavior justifies limitations (unmotivated etc). If merit was needed to make the school affordable, it’s reasonable to require that it be maintained (one of my D’s condition). Student contributions through summer earnings and part-time employment during school are also reasonable IMO. And, I don’t think parents should be expected to pay for a 4 year party. Most parents on here seem to want to do what they can to help their children within their means and family circumstances. That’s all that anyone should ask or expect. But, Ivy or CC? Assistance conditioned upon a major deemed by the parent to provide a sufficient ROI? Ouch! I think the ROI issue should be considered in the context of student borrowing and their ability to pay back their loans. On the parent end, that sounds pretty controlling to me.</p>

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<p>She honed her skills and pursued her interests. She maximized her “education.” And that included her competitive use of her abilities. Remember, I’m on the side that appreciates the intrinsic value. We made sure, since she was little, that she had clear perspective in what the working world entails, values and expects.</p>

<p>I am still trying to see how you agree with Mom2.</p>

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<p>

On the other hand, why not let them major in liberal arts and learn all that trade-school stuff on the side? There are plenty of books on engineering at the library. Surely that’s just as easy…</p>

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<p>Our “rules” for are kids’ college choices were (a) we would pay, (b) they could major in anything, © finish in 4 years. We were in the fortunate position to be able allow the kids to find the colleges that were most attractive to them – and that they could get into. </p>

<p>We had saved in expectation they’d go out of state, b/c basically they wanted to get out of town and to a more urban (big city) environment. (We live in a college town.) In the end they both attended private colleges/universities for their bachelor’s degrees. Costs were covered by our savings (40%), the grandparents (my parents) (35%), and our current income over the 7 calendar years that one or both kids were in college (25%). </p>

<p>Our approach was basically that we owed it to our kids to pay for their college education, that we could afford to pay for any college (with help of the grandparents), and neither they nor we would end up in debt as a result. #1 earned a BA in economics and went on to a fine career. #2 earned a BFA in industrial design but, after a few years in the bad economy of mid-2000’s and some evolution in her career interests, wanted to earn an MBA with a focus on sustainable product development. She got into a top-10 MBA program. That presented a financing problem because we had spent out our savings (but not my retirement pension funds) and weren’t about to compromise our retirement funds. So she took on major college loan debt, while we paid the cost of rent while she was in school – in a 3-year dual-degree program. She ended up with many tens of thousands of debt. A real burden. 7.5% annual interest rate.</p>

<p>About 2-3 years later, we came to her rescue b/c we had run into some money (inheritance) even as I was on the brink of retirement. Our first allocation of that found money was to pay off her college debt. We certainly didn’t have to do it, but we felt it was appropriate to “pay forward” money from the grandparents (on both sides of the family).</p>

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<p>@Hunt: I believe we are soon headed in to a very grim world, if we are not already there. If you read history, you’ll soon realize that the 7 decades or so of pretty much unending prosperity in the US since WWII until the Great Recession is actually somewhat anomalous. Throughout American history, a liberal arts education was a luxury good that only the rich could afford (and they sure didn’t expect to profit much from it).</p>

<p>As for spending on tuition and major choices, nothing says you can’t double major. Also, there’s more than one path to success in any field, and many don’t require sacrificing retirement savings.</p>

<p>If you want to become an artist, work in an atelier. You’d get an arts education nonpareil.</p>

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<p>Personally, I think all these people getting engineering and technical degrees are going to be left holding the bag when all their jobs are being performed remotely by people in other countries earning 10 bucks an hour. Medicine is probably still pretty good.</p>

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<p>The world will continue to need people who can communicate effectively, market the goods that the STEM majors produce, lead, manage, think globally, be able to see the forest from the trees, and create beauty.</p>

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<p>@lookingforward:
That if how much we love each as a family is dependent on how much money I lavish on my kids, then I clearly failed as a parent.</p>

<p>@Hunt:
It’s pretty clear that you have no clue about engineering. I suppose that you believe a research university engineering lab can be replicated in one’s own basement as well.
In any case, are you not jumping to conclusions? Did I say that STEM were the only worthwhile fields of study or some such thing? I’m pretty certain that I didn’t.</p>

<p>Also, outsourcing will not be the threat with rapidly rising wage levels in the countries with an educated populace (and if you kept up on economics, you would know that). Automation will be. A ton of white collar jobs are at risk. Lawyers are already feeling the pain. Accountants will as well as many doctors.</p>

<p>Personally, I think that learning a trade will provide a safety net, and being fluent in multiple languages will be helpful. Also in the future, stats, programming, and knowledge of econ will be considered liberal arts skills that any college grad will be expected to have.</p>

<p>@Mackinaw: I certainly believe that a top 10 MBA is a worthwhile investment. </p>

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<p>Hunt- my radiologist is in Mumbai. So much for medicine being safe.</p>

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<p>Yes, we are teaching them **fiscal prudence. ** If colleges & gov’ts exercised some, tuition costs wouldn’t be spiraling out of control and detroit wouldn’t be bankrupt.</p>

<p>Just because it’s payday, you shouldn’t blow your entire paycheck on Gucci loafers when a pair of Sperry’s are fine (top 40 school w merit). It’s not like we’re making them rummage the Walmart clearance rack </p>