<p>Perhaps I’m misunderstanding you. Are you saying if people are poor, it’s their own fault? Where do you imagine people who work several jobs just to pay rent and feed their families are going to come up with the $8000 per year for an in-state public? What would you suggest they give up to save the $32k per child (that’s $64k for a typical 2 child family) required to provide a college education at that in-state school? Please note that the items they’re deciding between are things like paying for college or paying the rent, not paying for a trip to Europe or one to Disney. </p>
<p>Agreed, parent1337. Just because a parent offers to fund college does not mean their kids are “incapable of handling life’s ups and downs”. Sheesh. Both my kids worked through HS and have developed excellent independent living skills. To assume that just because a parent offered to pay for college (younger s took a big merit scholarship instead, to save the $ for grad/professional school if needed) that the kids are being controlled smacks of sour grapes. JMO.</p>
<p>@austinmshauri I’m not saying it is there fault. But a child should not suffer because their parents did not do enough to become successful.</p>
<p>For example, one of my best friends is unemployed. She’s a single mom with a son and hasn’t worked for over a year. She has been offered several opportunities to have a job that would give her around 40K per year but she rejected that. She chose not to accept that because she thought that she was better than the job that was offered. I am sure that with the 150 thousand jobs made every month and the high unemployment rate, a lot of people have that mentality. Her son shouldn’t have to suffer because of her pride. He deserves to have a college education and even though he wants and needs one for his desired field, he can’t go because she doesn’t have enough money. She has an obligation to swallow her pride and put her son in a position to succeed so in return, he can become successful and help her. She shouldn’t just be hanging out at home and living off the government because she rejected a good paying job.</p>
<p>We know a couple who’ve had their house paid off for years and both have very lucrative jobs, yet will not pay a dime for either of their kid’s college education. The father just purchased a brand new Caddilac and top end Harley, and the mother purchased a brand new Pathfinder…both paying with cash. </p>
<p>So I would say that’s very selfish at the very least.</p>
<p>You seem incapable of understanding that not all people are even in the position to turn down $40K jobs (and some would jump on them; yet they can’t put their kids through college).</p>
<p>What rationale do they give? Did they go to college? How?</p>
<p>Personally, I think it’s shortsighted as well. I doubt the kids will think as fondly of them in their old age when they are incapacitated (as we all will be) and in need of others.</p>
<p>No rationale at all…just really centered on themselves and material things. They both have college degrees…the father in mechanical engineering and the mother in accounting.</p>
<p>I’m one of those who does not believe parents have a “moral obligation” to provide a college education for their kids. We are more than happy to help our kids to the best of our ability at any given time, but, no, if we couldn’t help them, I would not feel like we had failed our duties as parents. It seems like this thread wants to make it about selfish parents who don’t want to help their kids. Yes, some people are just jerks. But, the vast majority of parents want what is best for their kids and do what they can. It is simply that what they can is usually limited. Isn’t that the case for most things? </p>
<p>One thing that seems to be missing from this conversation is balance. No, a 4 yr degree is not necessary for a decent job. Tradesmen, Allied Health Professionals, etc all making a living wage. There is no shame in attending a CC for degree that leads to a trade. It isn’t as if someone is condemned to flipping burgers if their parents don’t fork over a small fortune for a 4 yr degree.</p>
<p>People can and do work for a few years and go to college later in life. Ideal? No. </p>
<p>Life is not Disney World. We don’t all get to have all our dreams come true. </p>
<p>@austinmshauri, @PurpleTitan Anyone that poor will get lots of financial aid. My parents make a combined 67K per year and my EFC for NC State (instate) is 5K per year. And my family isn’t even really “poor.” Kids from low-income households (or in my case kids whose parents are terrible with money) are at disadvantages. We are stuck instate (goodbye UVA), we will have to work during college and take out student loans, and will probably have to apply to colleges beneath our qualifications in order to get merit scholarships (hello, NC State). It sucks, but it’s not the end of the world. Although kids shouldn’t be penalized for their parents low income, they are, and there is really no way to change that. College is doable for basically everybody, you just have to know what’s realistic.</p>
<p>I don’t think a parent has a responsibility to pay at all, but most of us want to provide certain things for our children, including an education. What that education includes and costs varies, even within a family. I want to treat my children the same, but one works hard and one is extremely lazy (academically and in other ways).</p>
<p>If I’m paying, I’m going to retain control of the decisions of how I spend my money. Will I require a certain ROI on MY investment? Yes. I’m not going to just pay whatever my child wants, even if she really, really wants it. Scholarships require a certain gpa to continue receiving them, and so do I. I’m not paying for a child without direction, a few C’s, a lot of dropped courses.</p>
<p>I come from a culture that values education highly as well.</p>
<p>However, maybe because I am in the business world, I know that everything has a value and a price. So even though I am partial to the LAC experience, I find it hard to justify paying full-price for a little-known LAC when an education (a different one, to be sure, but one that could actually give my kid the same or better life outcomes) can be had at a fraction of the price.</p>
<p>Likewise, while I really respect JHU’s prowess in certain areas, can I justify full-pay at JHU vs. half-tuition at USC or in-state at a goodpublic flagship? No I can’t.</p>
<p>Finally, while I’m saving money for my kids’ education, if they refuse to learn certain disciplines/skills, and pursue something else, they’d have to do so with merit money. I’d encourage them and offer support, but the education money will be there for education in something more useful or a trade in case their passion doesn’t work out.</p>
<p>BTW, I don’t make the distinction between undergrad and grad school. Everyone gets the same amount of money. If child A goes to undergrad on a full-ride and child B spends all his on undergrad, child A will have money for grad school, and child B will have to pay for grad school on his own.</p>
<p>The national government’s offerings of direct loans (up to $5,500) and Pell grants to low income students (up to $5,550), plus a reasonable expectation of student work earnings while in school (about $3,000 to $5,000, perhaps with half subsidied with work-study) typically won’t cover the costs of even a state university (with no parental assistance), much less a $60,000 private school. People like to lay the blame for college costs on the national government, but the rising costs have far outstripped what the national government offers in financial aid, so one can only look at the colleges themselves, or the students/parents who are looking for colleges to offer more than just education (e.g. the college experience, networking, branding, and [other</a> non-education services](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1657400-what-non-education-services-should-colleges-offer-or-provide-p1.html]other”>What non-education services should colleges offer or provide? - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums) bundled in).</p>
<p>I will do everything I can to pay for my kids college within limits. My D goes to a CC and like twoinanddone said, I expected a return on my investment. I told her if she maintained a B average I will pay and she doesn’t have to work. Partying with her friends was more important so I told her to get a job and she can pay her own way. My S wants to go to an Ivy and if he makes it I will pay, if not, he will also go to the CC before transferring to a UC. If he decides to go into a major like education I will send him to a CSU. If he decides to go for a humanities or some type of “find myself” major he is on his own.</p>
<p>All you folks who are setting all these kinds of conditions on your kids–just be prepared for your kids to set conditions on you if you ever need their help. That’s what you’re teaching them.</p>
<p>*Anyone that poor will get lots of financial aid. * NO, not necessarily. And not all state U’s cost 8k or are close enough for a kid to commute, to shave expenses.</p>
<p>We have had these threads before and, frankly, they always divide up between parents who can afford to pay for their kids’ educations and happily do and those who simply cannot. OP’s question was the latter and if anyone wants to be “moral,” you don’t start projecting all the nastiness about why he can’t or his failings or lack of success- because you and/or your spouse have the money or your neighbor or anyone you heard of is slacking off. </p>
<p>Also, let’s separate between whether some entity (govt or the particular college) expects a family to pay their fair share for that college’s costs versus the original question: How much responsibility do parents have for helping pay for college? Remember, OP posed this as the son or daughter wanting more than he can afford. </p>
<p>And yes, there are many kids who should be doing pre-professional or vocational prep. If the cc offers it, great. But some of the better training programs do come with a hefty enough cost. </p>
<p>Aren’t there also those who can, but choose not to, or attach a lot of conditions (e.g. will full-pay an Ivy League school, but otherwise will only pay to start at a community college, and only for certain majors)?</p>
<p>^^^ And I hope they learn that lesson, that there are conditions on things. There are conditions set by your employer of what you need to do to get paid, conditions set by the clubs you join if you want to be/remain a member, rules to follow if you want to drive a car or buy a plane ticket.</p>
<p>I want my kids to know there are conditions on most things they’ll want in life. Some of those conditions (requirements) will not be to their liking, so they’ll decide not to participate/take the job/make the move.</p>
<p>Every family has their own bucket of money from which to work. That size bucket differs for everyone. That bucket is impacted by each families unique situation ( elderly parents, number of children, job losses, illnesses, etc.).</p>
<p>To tell a kid that his parents have a responsibility to pay for college irregardless of the size of the bucket and all that impacts it sends a strong message of entitlement to that kid.</p>
<p>Posters have shared many ways parents can help their kids achieve a college education without pulling money from the bucket if that’s what needs to happen. </p>
<p>Ucb, that’s in my point. So what if some wealthy won’t? OP falls into a different category: says he can’t meet the kid’s wants. On another thread like this, we even had some parent stating that since her parents paid for her ed, she proudly paid for her kids, and said clearly that it boils down to whether you love your kids. Uh? </p>
<p>What about people who chose wonderful careers but don’t make big bucks? What about people who faced some hard circumstances beyond their control? </p>
<p>We don’t know if OP knows much about finaid, what legwork they’ve done, whether he does have reasonable ways to afford college costs. Or whether he knows how to steer said kiddo to more affordable choices. He would need to come back with more info. </p>
<p>This sort of thread too often boil down to some saying, “But ** we** can afford to pay.” I know some really are proud they can. But a few extreme posters often turn it into an “us versus them” thing. “We chose a high paying career, we this and we that.” Fine for them.</p>