Neither of us like the way AP classes are tested and how they are graded. She will not have the most rigorous schedule which is why I asked about college admissions.
95% of high achieving kids do fine with the testing and the grading of AP classes, and I would think the number of odd AP teachers with bizarre grading practices at any high school would be less than say 20-30%.
You got to let the next 6 years unfold as they will. Let her keep taking advanced courses, if they suit her, and if that should lead to the AP path, it will likely suit her (and there are rumor mills to keep you away from the nutty AP teacher).
Also - why are you picking majors and colleges for HER four or five years before she needs to decide or will likely have an opinion ? What if she loses interest in nursing or even bio - and say gets interested in math or something else.
I think the best thing that could happen is a three year break from CC.
I never checked my kid’s grades between grade reports, ever. I knew her teachers would let me know if there was a problem, and they often told me what they got on papers and tests anyway, without my asking.
In college, they always volunteered their semester GPAs, so there was no need to “check” them.
Pressuring a kid at 12, punishing for a B…good grief.
Online grading systems at our middle and high schools are only good when teachers input grades regularly. Grades can go up and down wildly based on how diligent the teacher was at keeping grades up to date. So checking frequently can be frustrating. Our teachers were required to send an electronic progress report at mid-quarter and those were typically up to date (otherwise they would get inundated with emails from parents). Some of my daughter’s middle and high school teachers were savy enough to get electronic progress reports out to parents on a biweekly basis and I really appreciated that.
As for college, it’s now up to my daughter to check her own and keep track of her progress.
I never checked grades. When my kids brought report cards home, sometimes I didn’t look at them. I told them I could tell who was working hard. Two did well in school and one didn’t. The one who didn’t do well in school worked ten times harder than the ones who did do well. Are you suggesting I should have punished her?
Grades are not the point of school. Really, think about that. School is about learning, and also, friends, interests. Grades are intended to measure learning, and are an incentive that really can be destructive for some. Read some of Alfie Kohn’s books if you can. I read them after I raised my kids and wish I had before. The idea of internal motivation versus external (grades, or parents like you!) is interesting to think about. At 12 they tend to still follow your wishes but in high school the need for autonomy is strong, and it helps to transition slowly over time with that in mind.
As for middle school-aged students, their biggest needs are to eat and sleep. They are growing and changing and that takes a lot psychically.
Holy cow, OP, I just skimmed some of your other posts… you need to chill or you’re going to give your daughter a stroke.
Your child does NOT need to be thinking about which college program she is going to do right now. She needs to concentrate on setting good study skills and working hard. Having mom check over her shoulder CONSTANTLY is not going to teach her how to do it herself.
By your system, she is never going to be allowed to take a chance on anything. Never going to be able to do an assignment a little differently, never going to be able to risk failing on something as small as an assignment.
Strokes in 12 year olds are unlikely, but burnout or rebellion are not. It is just too easy for your daughter to decide, I am going to get a B or a C and I am not going to do that chore and I am going to sneak out … and then , where will you be ? Or some kids just turn this inward, with eating disorders or other issues or just a poor self esteem or depression where a B is a sign of impending doom and abject stupidity.
It is good to have your child know you are interested in their schooling, that you have personal standards for YOURSELF and want them to have the same (work to potential). You need to be a team that both celebrates success (ice cream or outing if she gets all As) and recovers from setbacks …
Also, there may be very good reasons to get a B on a quiz … there are ECs … but in your hands I can only picture the consequences of bringing this topic up.
You also maybe should consider why you are so engaged in this … maybe even consider counselling for yourself … to avoid the consequences in my first paragraph.
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anything below an 85 and they get extra chores to do before going out. Anything below a 75, they don’t get to go out. I set standards high for my kids and that’s why my 12 year old has never had a B in her life.
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there’s nothing wrong with having high standards for your kids but you sound rigid and controlling.
I didn’t check my kids’ grades except for report cards. My kids were A students their whole lives. However, my kids loved telling me their grades. Typically, that would be the first words out of their mouths when they came home…even if they got an unusual less-than-great-grade (and I never punished them because my kids always TRIED their best…which as a parent, that’s all you can EVER REALISTICALLY ask). When they went away to college, they would text me their news as soon as grades were in.
They still text me whatever good news (or bad news) they have as soon as it happens…and they’re 26 and 24.
You sound extreme.
I suggest that you ease up otherwise when your kids get to college they will shut you out of knowing what’s going on as much as they can.
Part of being a parent is backing off and learning not being so judgemental as your kids age. I think you’ve set up a situation where your kids will shut you out of info as soon as they legally or financially can. Sad.
Last year (sophomore in high school) my parents checked every week. I am little worried because this year, they haven’t checked A SINGLE TIME. It’s even scarier because I’m Indian. I personally, check every 3 hrs (yeah, it’s a problem).
I think it is great parents feel their kids can be self motivated. I wish my boss and shareholders would feel the same, then I could skip a lot of reporting. You know your own kid, but some parents are so hands off that all we need to do is to wait another few weeks before we get postings about how shocked and dismayed that their kid is failing out of college. If they were a bit more proactive about knowing their kid’s progress then maybe they could have done some intervention before the final report. At work I don’t wait until the deadline before I find out if a project is going south.
Twelve year olds can, and do have nervous breakdowns.
Also they can become very anxious.
Neither would be good.
Standards…fine…but all A’s is not a reasonable expectation all the time. Yes, it,could,happen, and that would be great. But punishment for an 85 average…sorry, but i think that is is extreme.
I think checking around once a week is fairly typical-- probably happens for more than 10% of high school students (as a guess). I’m sure if it’s worked for you, you should keep on doing it. Glad to hear your child has been high achieving! Its probably because of support encouragement and motivation.
Please…if your child,has depression, I hope she is under the care of a good child psychiatrist. Please discuss your parent obsession with grades and your rigid standards, and how you reinforce them with this child (the extra chores, the no going out). I’m hoping the psychiatrist can help guide you to a better way to deal with school school work, and grades with your kiddo.
My kids are in 6th and 4th grade. I’ll check my 6th graders sometimes after she’s taken a test, they usually updated the online grade book before they tell the kids what they got. I check the online “Canvas” organizer more often. My daughter is very bright but the move to middle school has been overwhelming and she still needs a lot of help keeping up with all the work.
For both work and for kids (not sure they are wildly different)
staying too disengaged is bad, it means you are not noticing real issues and also give the worker bee or the child the idea that the boss is not paying attention, so either they slack off or they feel neglected. Might be fun in an odd way to have a boss that disengaged … and then pull the rabbit out of the hat and say, aha, I am done !
staying too engaged and having penalties for quizzes or say progress this week on a 6 month long project is bad, it is micromanaging, removes individual responsibility and self-motivation from the equation, makes people anxious and feeling unappreciated (note there is no prize for an A or a 95-100), and it is stressful which can cause all kinds of issues, health, mental, rebellion in kids of all ages
When I was a kid, many moons ago, of an immigrant who was very into education living in a blue collar area, my mom got criticized for helping with my homework and meddling too much in say elementary school (to put her meddling in perspective, it never bothered me, bothered some of the other parents). By middle school, I was self motivated and started doing even better, and took on math classes and other things that my mom really didn’t know herself. She sometime still read my essays (her English was excellent) and made some suggestions … Turns out I was or became a high achiever.
I am trying to sort of do the same thing, offering tutoring and encouragement, talking about college and future plans, demonstrating good work ethic, etc …
