<p>I agree with @bookworm. She will just keep taking advantage as long as you will let her because that is what her parents have taught her. Honestly, the audacity of telling you what to bring to school and what to buy at the store with no intention of contributing is stunning. Is there any reason she can’t get a part time job or do work study?</p>
<p>Room change sounds like a good idea to me too. You don’t need her drama.</p>
<p>First of all, if she is indeed diabetic, the question is more than “is she taking advantage of you?”</p>
<p>It’s not your responsibility to feed her, but by being her roommate I feel there is a moral imperative to go to housing, and request a roommate change exactly for the reasons you state. They can treat it as a referral for her or not, but you are letting the university know without specifically reporting her.
They may want get you guys together and talk to them before they make a room change. They may charge your parents more if you end up with a single. They may ask you to change rooms and become the fourth person in a room.</p>
<p>Diabetics do NOT need special food. And indeed she should probably not be eating all the carb heavy junk food. </p>
<p>She probably has a trigger lancing device. You don’t need to change the lance on them every day so there may be no trash of hers except the blood glucose test strips that need disposing. Diabetics do not just needles any more (except in odd cases) they use insulin pens or pumps. </p>
<p>I agree that you can’t continue to feed your roomie. Please see if your RA has other resources for you or her </p>
<p>Oh, and IMHO, talk to your RA if you haven’t yet, but then talk to housing next. RA’s are trained to handle roommate disputes, but it sounds like the abuse level and fact she is diabetic and apparently not taking care of herself means most RA’s would be clueless.
BTW, I had to pay off my roommate’s contract when we agreed she would move out.</p>
<p>I agree with most everything said above. I would add that if she is diabetic but not controlling it and sleeping 12 hours a day, she may be depressed and/or have other mental health issues. You are not trained to deal with this, and this sounds as if it’s beyond your RA as well. Please go talk to a counselor and/or someone in the dean’s office ASAP.</p>
<p>You sound like a considerate, caring person who has done her best in a bad situation. At this point you should stop providing food for her, because that is enabling her behavior. Also, be wary of leaving anything of value around her when you are not there.</p>
<p>Best wishes. Please let us know how things go.</p>
<p>Years ago I posted my experience with first roommate. We didn’t have fridges and m/ws back then, but I did rug and bedspreads. My typewriter was stolen and rocks put in case. I had checks stolen, as well as scarves and jewelry (not expensive stuff, but still…My roommate brought men into the room at all hours. She got pregnant and moved out, and I had a single rest of year. The RA was useless. It was a miserable few months, and I wish I had talked to someone above RA.</p>
<p>Looking back, I believe rm/mt suffered from the attitude of “What’s yours is mine”, because I was generous at first. I hope this helps.</p>
<p>Hey Kgal…wow, what a start to college!</p>
<p>So I think you have handled this great so far. It has been thoughtful of you to share with your roommate when it appeared she was having short term financial problems. It is very generous of you to share. Your willingness to be her friend and your caring about her situation is greatly indicative of what a caring human being you are. She is lucky to have landed such a great roommate.</p>
<p>So it has been a month and even though you are very busy and engaged in school you are starting to get a handle on this. It appears not to be a short term problem. There seems to be a need for a different way to handle this so that she becomes more successful and you don’t have this weighing on your mind and wallet.</p>
<p>I’m glad you came and asked parents for some guidance because over time we have learned how to handle these kinds of situations.</p>
<p>So deal with the situation in a very direct manner.</p>
<p>Tell her you have a campus job in order to pay for your own extras. Tell her exactly how you got your campus job. If you applied on line pull the application up on your computer and offer to help her fill it out. Tell her how much fun it is. Tell her how much they pay. Tell her how many friends you have made already from your job. Tell her how easy the jobs are to do. Offer to go to the job office with her.</p>
<p>It is the most wonderful thing you can do for her. Stop buying snacks for the room for now. Have your own snacks out of the room or only bring back what you are willing to share for that night. I know this is not optimum for you but give it a try for a month.</p>
<p>Hey, maybe this will help you not get the dreaded freshman 15!</p>
<p>There is nothing stopping her from getting a job. She needs one. I would start with this and see what happens for the next month. She has a meal card. She will not starve. </p>
<p>Hang in there. You’re a great kid and I would wish for a roommate as kind as you for my kids.</p>
<p>Good Luck!!!</p>
<p>This roommate has two issues: 1) Family has no money to give her (that they will give her) and 2) She has grown up in a family, perhaps, where they try to get something for nothing.</p>
<p>Like others say, it is not your responsibility to feed her.</p>
<p>I would talk to the head RA or someone at the counselors office to get help for YOU.
Explain the situation and that you were sharing, but now it is at the point where you feel she is depending on you.
You don’t see her eating outside the room so you are worried that as a diabetic that it may be difficult for her to keep healthy. You also don’t see a sharps container and think she should have one for everyone’s safety.
But really you are feeling guilty but know it is not your job to feed her.</p>
<p>This is a tough situation. I would have started out the same as you. In many cases, sharing with a room mate turns out to be something that is fairly even- taking turns buying food, discussing who brings what. </p>
<p>In cases of economic or other differences such as distance, it isn’t always 50-50 but the room mate still shows a willingness to share and participate. </p>
<p>In your case, it seems there are many things going on, including family dysfunction and a room mate with diabetes who isn’t taking care of her diet. These are medical/psychological problems that are more than a college student can or should deal with. You, an RA, and any other student are not professionals, and you have your own responsibilities at college. Your room mate needs professional help too.</p>
<p>If she is receiving financial aid, then some colleges have a student success staff who get involved with high risk students. Anyone can make a referral to them. There is also student health- and you can go talk to a staff member there to see if there is anything they can do. If she has a meal plan, many colleges also offer the services of a dietitian for students with dietary needs. Your room mate’s family may have not been conscientious about diet, and may not have been able to afford many healthy foods. On a meal plan, she can make healthy choices. </p>
<p>However, the best you can do is make the referrals. I second the request to move or get another room mate. You can inform her that there is help available for her, but it is up to her to be responsible to seek it out. </p>
<p>You sound like a nice person, OP, but your roommate has bigger problems than you can reasonably handle. You need to visit a dean and explain that your roommate’s issues are beyond your abilities and you want a room switch. You can be her friend, if you want to, and be emotionally supportive, but you can’t step up and be her mom – paying for her daily needs, taking on her health as your responsibility, etc. </p>
<p>My son is a T1 diabetic and is at college. He eats at the dining hall like everyone else. It sounds to me, in addition to her financially instability, your roommate is not managing her condition effectively. That, to me, is the primary reason you should seek additional adult help in this situation. She’s at risk for hurting herself. </p>
<p>I am wondering if the roommate actually has diabetes. I suppose you have to believe her at this point but I do wonder…</p>
<p>Diabetes is a serious issue here, and if roommate is not handling her diet/exercise/medication correctly, it could mean lapsing into a coma or death. Not trying to drum up hysteria here, but OP needs to know how serious this could be.</p>
<p>Type 1 or Type 2 ?? Insulin pump, injecting insulin daily, swallowing medication, or only relying on diet and exercise to control blood sugar? OP can inquire on her own or ask college administration to step in. RA sounds like she doesn’t want to be bothered with this situation.</p>
<p>OP…PLEASE get to someone at your school who cares about your roommate’s immediate health!! Try the health center, dean of students, Residence Life Director. If this situation overwhelms you, get your parents involved. </p>
<p>There are long term consequences when a diabetic doesn’t choose to eat correctly, but there are also short term emergencies that require calling 911. A roommate of a diabetic needs to know more about the health situation, asking questions in a concerned manner. Some possible lifesaving actions would include giving the person orange juice or candy bar if her blood sugar has crashed. Again, OP knowing ahead of time what to do in a crisis will possibly save a life.</p>
<p>A diabetic who is following healthy guidelines can eat in a regular dining hall. It isn’t always fun, because the veggies usually taste awful and not a lot of selection, so it takes some self-determination. A diabetic will thrive best eating lots of vegetables, a normal amount of protein and less carbs. As with anyone, eating “real” food vs. junk food is the best prescription for the long-term health of a diabetic.</p>
<p>A diabetic with extreme highs and lows in their blood sugar level is unstable, incoherent, and may sleep most of the day. Is this girl getting up and going to classes? Is she going to the dining hall and eating real food? Is she able to study and do her schoolwork?</p>
<p>Thank you everyone for the kind responses. They have made me feel better about taking some active control of the situation. To clarify a few things…</p>
<ol>
<li>My room mate does have her meal plan back on, but she still spends the majority of time in the dorm. I think she sees it as “well there’s food here, I don’t need to spend my meal plan money”. I also fear the canceling of her card happening again soon as I think the university will want more money before registration happens in October. </li>
<li>The only reason I would like to keep having some snacks in the room is my classes start really early and I don’t usually have long breaks in between them to get a real meal. So I will pack myself a little snack to take to class with me. </li>
<li>The diabetes thing is bizarre. She did not even mention it to me until on the roommate agreement we had to put down health concerns (this was several days after we moved in). The special snacks I was referring to are things she says she has to eat if her sugar got low. Like drinks and bars that she needs- things that I would feel bad eating because they are for her health. She does have some things of Ramen and noodles but she hides them in her closet or under her bed. I agree that her diet is not anywhere close to being healthy for someone with diabetes. </li>
<li>As far as the job thing goes, I think she knows about it. She even came with me when I signed up for it because she said she wanted to get out of the room. So she saw how quick it was, there are signs everywhere saying how much the dining hall jobs pay, people even walk around campus with clipboards having people sign up for jobs! </li>
<li>I fear that if I request a new roommate I could get a terrible one. Although my roommate isn’t perfect, she doesn’t get drunk or do drugs, doesn’t have guys over all the time, is not messy, respects my sleeping schedule, etc. I know it could be much worse. </li>
<li>My roommate has told me that she thinks it’s unfair the university is expecting them to pay for college when her family obviously cannot afford it. She says she told the financial aid office there is no way her family has this type of money, and she thought it was very unfair when they threatened to kick her out. I guess I am now seeing the big picture of her being entitled. She is also not friendly to me- like I will come in after being gone all day, I will ask her how her day went, and she will say maybe one word and then not ask me anything about my day! Writing this all out makes me feel really fed up because now I see she is taking advantage of me and the university. </li>
</ol>
<p>I have decided that when I go to the store this weekend, I will buy snacks only for me and as soon as I get back to the dorm I will package them into little baggies and put them under my bed. This way I can better keep track of if she takes anything and hopefully sends the message these things are mine. We can jointly finish off what little is left of the food. I am also meeting with the resident director of my dorm today to talk to him about this situation. I want my roommate to make it- she is a first generation college student so I know this would change the path of her life- but I am also just so fed up. I am not confrontational and I do not want to become bitter, I realize how lucky I am, but I will try to stand up for myself more. This makes me appreciate my parents for working hard to send me here without having these worries, and I hope kids that are making their college choice soon will realize how big the financial aspect can affect them. I passed up my dream school to come here because of finances and now I am kind of wishing my roommate did the same…</p>
<p>If stealing continues to be a problem get a lockbox for your food and put one on your refrigerator. You can have a conversation that when you got all the stuff you thought there would be sharing, but you can’t afford to feed her and yourself as well. </p>
<p>If the university didn’t give her a good enough financial aid package that’s her problem (and her family’s problem) not yours. They shouldn’t have sent her somewhere they can’t afford. That’s why many families decide that students need to do the first year at community college where they can live at home and not have overpriced meal plans and the like.</p>
<p>I’d also talk to someone over the RA’s head, not requesting a new roommate, but because you are genuinely worried about her. Obviously the money issues are creating huge problems for her and she doesn’t seem to be coping.</p>
<p>Perhaps the freeloading-roommate should have considered commuting instead in order to bring the cost down. Sleep-away college is not a right.</p>
<p>The next step would be to go to the Director of Residence Life and explain the situation. You are under no obligation to provide food for your roommate. Since her meal plan has been reinstated it’s not like she will starve, I’m sure she has many options for procuring food now. Do not enable her by bringing food to your room. She needs to leave the room and go out and eat in the dining hall. She sounds maybe a bit depressed and by getting the Director of Res Life involved they can encourage (insist) that she go to campus counseling. This girl also needs to get a job! If she ins only taking 12 credits she can certainly find time for a work study for off campus job. It will give her spending money for her own snacks. </p>
<p>I commend you for wanting to hep but this is out of your league and level of responsibility and the people on campus that are equipped and trained to deal with this kind of situation need to intervene. </p>
<p>Tell your roommate: “I know at first we said we would share food, but I don’t think that is working anymore. I wouldn’t want to take any of your food in case you have a blood sugar low, and I want to make sure my snacks are available when i want them. So lets just eat our own food from now on.” </p>
<p>And I would say the same thing goes for any other consumables (no she can’t use your printer to excess, can’t borrow clothes, use your coffee, etc without paying for it.)</p>
<p>And what also bothers me is I chose to live in the Honors dorm, thinking I would be around other students with similar drives and goals that I have. I’ve got a lot to talk about today with the Resident director. </p>
<p>deleted. </p>
<p>I have so many questions. I think the roommate is not telling you the truth about many things, beginning with, does a university really remove a student from classes for non-payment but allow them to continue to live in the dorm? </p>