How to advise your high school kid when they pick a school because friends might go there?

I went to UT Austin, in my hometown. I was shy and assumed I’d hang out with a kid or two from high school. Although one of them ended up being in my wedding, like Thumper’s kid I didn’t socialize a single time with her or anyone else from high school. I found it easy to make new friends, surprisingly.

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I don’t think you need to worry at all about your daughter making new friends at a school the size of Arizona.

And my opinion
don’t expect her to socialize in the gang bathrooms. That just isn’t a real happening at most places.

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I went to a very small college, and I roomed with a friend from my very large high school. Neither of us had any problem making new friends, both together and by ourselves. In case you want a more recent example, most of D’s friends went to UMich. They didn’t room together in the dorm, but two of her good friends rented a house off campus with new & old friends. The young women are now very happily married to two of the new friends they met in the rental house.

There’s nothing wrong with going to school where your friends are going to school.

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I think the suggestion of some away thing was made to find a thing that did NOT involve others from her high school. She could see that common interests can foster new friendships.

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I roomed with my BF at U-M freshman year and ended up marrying a boy down the hall who I met on day two. BF complained that by day three she never saw me.

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I will rephrase to eliminate some possible confusion since it’s easy in the written word sometimes to misconstrue things.

D24’s friends’ parents grew up overseas.

The culture of D24’s friends’ immediate families is one in which the daughters live at home until they get married. And the daughters will have an arranged marriage.

No judgement or statement intended on my part about the culture of what the friends’ parents grew up in.

But this is all sort of a side note to the main topic. :slight_smile:

I understand that you intended no judgement about the familial and cultural restrictions placed upon your daughter’s friends’ opportunities, both educationally and socially. What I was pointing out was that, for much (although not all) of the Muslim world, such restrictions on females’ educational and social choices and opportunities were not the norm. Things have changed over the last 40 years or so.

One daughter went to school 2000 miles from her high school but did know 2 other students. It was nice to see a familiar face during those first few days, and the girl and my daughter were in the same sorority; my daughter talked her into going through rush but then they sort of went their own ways. My daughter is very outgoing but the other girl very reserved. She flourished in the sorority.

Other daughter went to school much closer (2.5 hours away) with a frienimy from the rival high school but a teammate on the club team. Also, they were 2 of 9 freshmen on the same team or forced togetherness. Daughter really worried about it but it turned out fine. They were friendly, weren’t roommates, weren’t in the same major and didn’t really have the same interests so contact was limited to team things. Again, not a bad thing to see a familiar face. A guy from her hs also went to this school (and daughter had had a big crush on him) but in the first few days she went to visit him in his dorm, he was smoking pot, and she immediately left because she was an athlete and couldn’t risk being suspended. He left school about a month later.

So many things can change senior year, the summer after graduation, and then the first few weeks of school. Also lots of talk about going to Top50 schools, going to LACs, going to this school or that, but a whole bunch of kids end up at their state schools because of money.

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One of D’s friends went to school about 20 mins away from their high school. She was the only student from our school who went there. By contrast, another of D’s friends went 600 miles away and was one of 5 kids from our school who went to that university. The farther away school was the popular choice that year. it really does vary

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