<p>Not sure if this situation is common or not, but my D three best friends are also considering one of her top choices. D has narrowed it down from 6 to 2, and really leaning in to this school in particular. This is her "dream school" and the subject of my post is not a criteria but rather more of a coincidence. </p>
<p>Obviously, some pros to this scenario. And also some cons.</p>
<p>She notices this as a potential consideration. Any thoughts one way or another?</p>
<p>How big is the school? Would she see them all the time? Would she want to room with one of them? Would they want to room with her?</p>
<p>Our S eliminated one of his top choices because too many kids from our high school go there. He was ok with that until he discovered several of them were considering the same major, a small major at that school, and would have spent the next 4 years feeling like he was still in high school. While we understood that, we still felt that school was the best fit for him. We told the kids early on that they should not room with high school friends if they ended up at a school where that was a possibility.</p>
<p>If the 3 of them end up there, I would suggest that they request not to be on the same dorm floor. They can still see each other but it would force them to interact with new people. If, after freshman year, they are still best friends and want to room together, I would be ok with that.</p>
<p>School is medium size. Maybe 7K kids. None of them want to room with each other!</p>
<p>S2 and a lovely girl began dating the summer before their senior year of HS. They tried very had not to influence one another in the college decision months, but in the end both ended up attending the same OOS university. They continued to date through the first year there. They have since stopped dating, but have remained friends. They share some friends there, but also have completely different interests, majors and other groups of friends. I think this is a very unusual resolution, however. The key for them was making efforts while they were still dating to expand their worlds outside the relationship.</p>
<p>My S and his best friend are at the same U (same major with about 120 kids in the major per grade level). They did not live together the first 2 years, but will next year. They have always remained friends, but did not always stay in the same group of friends. Friend is more athletic than my S, who prefers games (both video and Magic The Gathering). It was convenient for car pooling on breaks.</p>
<p>I don’t think she should decline her dream school because friends are attending.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine as long as they do not room together. My daughter is at a medium size school too ( 6500 kids) with a good friend from HS. They do not live in the same dorm and they both have different groups of friends, yet they still go out together in big groups on occasion and actually have the same major. It’s working out fine and both of them are meeting new people.</p>
<p>Sometimes people are overly concerned about high school friends going to the same college. Several students from our high school’s last graduating class went to college together. They are very close, and there are two pairs rooming together. They enjoy their time together, and they even all get together for a meal once a week. However, they’ve also have made other friends on campus, and some of those new friends have started going to the weekly meal with them. The new friends call themselves “Honorary [Hometown]ers” and they all have a great time together.</p>
<p>Granted, some students want a clean break, but it’s not necessary for a great college experience.</p>
<p>My best friend went to the same college as I did. I took a gap year. I now regret how little we saw of each other, but not that we were never roommates. I don’t think she needs to worry about them being there, but she should probably make it clear that she’d like to make new friends and so would prefer not to room together.</p>
<p>So many things can happen, that I wouldn’t let this situation alter a major life decision. You would be surprised at how seldom she will run into her friends. Even when kids WANT to stay in touch with friends at the same school, in can become a chore to do so.</p>
<p>D2 was admitted ED, and one of her best friends from high school was admitted to the school RD. The friend had another very good option. D2 tried not to influence her, and ultimately the friend decide to attend the same school. They didn’t room together, but continued to see each other frequently. They ended up pledging the same sorority and going to room together next year. I think if they didn’t like each other, they could have easily drifted apart. Both D2 and her friend are very independent, there is no co-dependency or expectation, they remained friends because they wanted to. </p>
<p>I think it is an issue if any of those friends is a bully or bad influence, and your kid would have a hard time to get away from that person. 7000+ students is a pretty good size school. Your kid should be able to find other kids to hang out with if she doesn’t care for her old friends.</p>
<p>DS and one of his friends both chose the same small LAC. For DS, t was his first choice, for the friend it was the best option after a heartbreaking admission cycle. I discouraged DS from going through fraternity recruitment with the friend so that they would not pressure each other. They did end up in the same house, rooming together and became even closer. Although it is not what I expected. They push each other academically, back each other up in their goals and still give each other space. I am glad he ignored my advice.</p>
<p>Because none of them want to room with each other, don’t drop it from your list. Friend dynamics and maturity dynamics change during college.</p>
<p>In son’s val speech he really emphasized staying in touch with your friends. Not just say the words but to really try and stay in touch. He was the only one in his class, district even to gain admittance to his undergrad so there were no other students he knew. </p>
<p>For freshman year move out he had some friends from high school, 700 miles away drive up with me to help move him out. (We did move in just by ourselves.) Took the truck and another SUV for just the people! He introduced his old friends to the new ones and they really got along!! Understatement really…</p>
<p>Subsequent years we would go up for football games (son plays) and a bunch of us would go. Summers and some holidays friends of his from school would travel back home with him. So his group of friends has become larger and larger. Makes it a little tricky planning get-togethers but he is a planner! Even now, 3 years after college graduation they still plan vacations together and visits back and forth and if son is busy (med school) they visit without him. Some have even ended up dating each other. He has been to 2 weddings so far!!</p>
<p>His first year of med school his roommate was his buddy from high school! We also attended his wedding last October! Son was best-man…2 more scheduled for this year…best-man at those as well and one is for the BRIDE!</p>
<p>Told him he missed his calling as a match-maker and he says he just likes to see all his friends happy!! And what a mix…I don’t know how he keeps it all straight but its a hoot to watch.</p>
<p>He says college is 4 years to stretch and really grow, make new friends but to always remember where you came from and be true and loyal to your buddies. You can’t have too many friends.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>My high school best friend and I went to the same college. We didn’t want to room together, but we asked to be in the same residential college, and in fact our rooms were next door to one another sharing a bathroom our freshman year, and then again senior year. (Each time it was two quads, one with me and one with him.) It worked out really well for everyone. We stayed best friends through college, and are still quite close. All of our respective roommates became friends, too. </p>
<p>We each definitely had our own friendship circles, but there was a big overlap between the two. I think we attracted lots of joint friends, especially freshman year, in part because we couldn’t b.s. each other, which meant that we couldn’t b.s. anybody else, either. At a moment in life when there was so much pure b.s. around it was difficult to trust anyone, that made us trustworthy. It also helped that we were never actually competitive with one another, and managed to avoid interpersonal drama for all but about six weeks of our nine-year (or so) best-friendship.</p>
<p>The only time we ever actually roomed together was the summer after we graduated from college, when the two of us rented a nine-bedroom old rooming house in Oak Bluffs and had several friends, our sisters, and one friend-of-a-sister share it with us. </p>
<p>My PREVIOUS best friend, going back into grade school, also went to the same college. I had lunch with him a couple times a year.</p>
<p>One of my children had one of her best friends attend the same college, too, but the friend took a gap year, so they didn’t arrive together as freshmen, and several things happened in their senior years of high school and during the freshman/gap year to drive them apart. They did wind up as good friends in college (and beyond), and saw each other frequently, but never as close as they had been in high school.</p>
<p>The answer, as with everything, is…it depends. It depends on so many things. My sister found out one of her best friends was going to her college and they decided to room together. By the end of the year they weren’t even speaking, because their personalities were so different that living together couldn’t have been any more of a bad idea. Ironically, a much closer friend ALSO attended the same school, and they didn’t hang out at all THERE, only at home on breaks.</p>
<p>It seems like a big enough school that they can work out how often they spend time together. Just don’t room together. It took years before my sister and her friend got along again.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your feedback. Seems pretty unanimous that the good outweighs the bad.</p>
<p>It’s funny because two of D friends went to grade school with her, and then they ended up at the same high school, and now college. Since we live in a big city and in totally different neighborhoods - that is actually rather eerie, haha.</p>
<p>I like JHS’s idea about keeping each other honest - no b.s. because you know each other and have to be true to your real self or get called on it. Makes so much sense.</p>
<p>Hey, JHS, I think it’s the same school. Which dorm did you stay in because it sounds like an ideal setup.</p>
<p>As none of them want to room together, it sounds like none are likely to cling too hard. If any of the friends are true keepers, it’s great to have the extra bond of college. If not, they’ll drift. If there are conflicts or hurt feelings - well, that happens with new acquaintances also.
My younger daughter has wound up with 2 childhood friends at college with her (one started a year later), as well as a year’s overlap with her sister, right across the hall. It’s been much more good than bad. Independence is good, and enduring close relationships are precious.</p>
<p>A went to college with 15% of his graduating class. He roomed with one of the HS classmates for JR and SR years. It worked out fine for him and he made many friends in college and got to know his HS classmates better. My D also went to same U, as did several of her very close friends. All made many great new friends. D roomed with one of her best friends for 2 years and is currently sharing an apt with a girl she casually knew from HI. For our kids it’s been all good. None of the kids clung together and their friendships have all deepened over the years.</p>
<p>S1 and his best friend went to same big state u. (34,000 students). Both were in NROTC there and they were roommates. They lived together all four years of college. When they moved off campus after freshman year another h.s. friend who was also at their univ. moved in along with a friend who was from oos. They all got along fabulously and had the more fun than was legal. All were good students . They all hung out with lots of other friends at big state u. who came from all over the place</p>
<p>S1 and his best friend chose the same specialty in the U.S. Navy upon graduation. They lived together through their training and both ended up on the same naval base so they continue to be roommates in the home S1 recently purchased. So S1 and his h.s. best friend have now been living together for almost eight years however they are on opposite deployment rotations so only actually live together for 6 months/year.</p>
<p>S2 roomed with h.s. friends throughout his four years at big state u. They also had a large circle of friends who were from all over just like S1’s group. S2 also moved off campus after freshman year and lived in a big house w/ three other guys he knew fr. h.s.</p>
<p>They felt safer going w/ a known quantity and knew their friends well enough to know it would work. I worried a little since you always hear that friends can end up as enemies if they live to gether. Both my boys informed me that that was mostly an issue with girls because guys are all pretty laid back and low maintenance. I also think moving off campus after freshman year to four bedroom houses and adding two more roommates made for much less “togetherness”.</p>