Here is my situation: I have had an aesthetician doing facials for me for a few years. I saw her for a couple of years, then did not go for facials during Covid and then resumed seeing her about a year and a half ago. I like her. I enjoy her. She almost feels like a friend to me, and we have had all sorts of discussions on all sorts of topics throughout the years as she has been working on my face. I mean, she doesn’t do my hair, but some folks call their hairdressers, “hairapists,” because they feel like therapists! So, it’s kind of like that.
However, I am not sure she is doing a great job for beauty-wise. I am not overly impressed with the skincare products she sells. I’d like to try someone new, but it feels wrong to, “ghost,” this woman. That feels mean. But, it also feels mean to say, “I think I can find a better person/better products for me elsewhere.”
Complicating matters - the current aestheician is in the office of my dermatologist. In the past, the dermatologist has done Botox for me. But not in a couple of years because I wasn’t always happy with her results either. Kind of inconsistent. Though, I think she’s a good dermatologist. She does a mole screening each year, etc. I had put off continuing Botox with the dermatologist because I told her I was contemplating blepharoplasty and you have to go awhile without Botox before that surgery. Which was true. I was contemplating that, and I recently did it.
So, now I want to use the oculoplastic surgeon for my Botox and the aestheician in HER office for my facials. I bought some products from her office and far prefer them to what the dermatologist’s aesthetician has. I want to keep the dermatologist for my dermatology needs - but not for anything cosmetic. But, she’s gonna know I’ve cheated on her Botox-wise when I go in for my mole check!
I feel more of an obligation to explain myself to the aesthetician than I do to the dermatologist. I’m sure the derm will continue to see me - but let’s face it - her bread and butter doesn’t come from doing mole checks and freezing things off folks.
Am I being silly/overthinking this? Thoughts/suggestions, please!
Actually, you can sign an authorization with new dermatologist requesting your med records and have the new provider retrieve them. That’s easier imho.
I think this is always a tough thing to handle. I’d love for some people who are “on the other side” - being that beauty service professional (for example) to weigh in.
I think you can’t go wrong with a nice handwritten note. To thank her for all she has done for you and how pleasant your visits were - but that we want to explore some new options/services (list a reason if you like). I think that’s a more cordial and also mature move than as you say, ghosting.
I sort of ghosted my hairdresser years ago…I was unhappy for so long and am not sure she loved having me as a client because…she could probably tell I was unhappy. It was SUPER awkward when I ran into her in town. And a couple of times I avoided her in Costco like the plaque just so I didn’t have to have the encounter! That’s no way to live.
Could you use the products as your excuse? Tell her you really like how your skin reacts with “X” products, which she doesn’t rep, and you’d rather hook up with a facialist who does rep X products because you like what they do for your skin. You’re not lying - and I think it’s perfectly fine to say that you randomly picked up some “X” products and ended up liking them. No hard feelings and no awkward run-ins when you’re at the office seeing your derm.
I would just break up with the derm for Botox and continue to see her for your derm needs. It’s not likely that she’ll care - or maybe she will and you can give her some useful feedback.
Just kidding. But seriously, when my son switched therapists, my spouse kept going to appointments, alone, with the old one (who was nice but ineffective) for like 2 months out of guilt. LOL. I felt no such need since they’re pros and used to it. I think that’s the case in your situation as well
I read somewhere that one difficult aspect about being a hairdresser is when a long-time client just leaves without an explanation. I’m just trying to spare the aesthetician’s feelings, but I guess there isn’t really a good solution.
I like the the different product idea, but she could still do my actual facials, while I bought products elsewhere.
There are no feelings to spare. You’re confusing purchasing professional services with friendship. There is no need to do or say anything. Just move on. I’m sure the aesthetician will never confront you but, if she does mention that she hasn’t seen you in a while, simply smile and say, “Yes, it’s been a while. Good to see you again.” You don’t owe any explanation.
I went to the same hair stylist for 20+ years. Recently I tried a new person, who is closer to my home and $30 cheaper a visit. I’m planning on trying the new person one more time, and then “breaking up” with my long-term stylist, probably via text. I plan to tell her now that I’m retired, money matters more, and that I am tired of driving over half an hour each way for a haircut.
I had another stylist for over 10 years once. He was just rude, made me wait while he took calls (often), and I was paying a babysitter while getting my cuts with him. Eventually I just didn’t go back.
I get the hesitance. I’m actually in the same boat with my current stylist. She’s crazy expensive and I’ve been unhappy with my last two appointments. She is too busy, distracted, and her front desk help is spotty and she often runs late. I told my H (who also goes to her) that I’m giving it one more try and if I’m not pleased, I’m going to find someone else.
I’m with choatiemom that it’s service and even though we do have a relationship, I’m OK moving on if the service isn’t what I want.
I wouldn’t give that much detail. What if she comes back with a significant price cut for you as a long term customer.
I stopped seeing a hairdresser I had seen for a LONG time. I just stopped going there. Period. No explanation, nothing. I’m quite sure she filled any spots I took with others.
I have had the same hair person for over 25 years. We are the same age (weirdly found out about that when she had to give her birth date on a phone call during an appointment - she doesn’t usually use the phone during appts but this was necessary) and were pregnant as “older moms” at the same time.
Most of the time I am happy with her work, but has gotten pricey and this last time she cut the top too short which has happened a few times. I sometimes think about leaving, but tough to find someone new!
Hairstylists are in such big demand here, my absence will not be noticed. “My” appointment slots will be quickly filled with others.
I agree with the other posters who said no explanation is needed unless the person reaches out asking why you haven’t set up any appointments. And even in that case, I’d say something generic and polite and move on.
I went to the same stylist for 10 years. The first time I went back after the pandemic shutdown it was fine, open windows, masks on everyone. Then the next time I went, I walked in and something looked wrong. I realized that none of the clients were wearing masks. NONE. This was in early 2021 sometime, I think. Masks were still required. My bubble included a 93-year-old and a young child with disabilities. I must have looked horrified because my stylist walked over to greet me and asked if I was all right. I responded, “I can’t stay here if people aren’t wearing masks. I’ll pay the cancellation fee.” And I walked out. Thus ended a 10-year relationship. She did not charge me the cancellation fee.
Perhaps try one more time, explaining hair has been too short on top last few times. See if she interested in doing it more to your liking. (It may mean she has to start too-long, be ready to trim more from there. If she’s not wiling to take the time to do so, you’ll know it’s time to try somebody else.)
