<p>I was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on how to broach the subject of BS with my dad. I want to apply for the 2009/2010 school year and I have already started planning on how to do this.I have also told my mom already and at first she was adverse to the idea- we had a big fight, but we made up already :)- but then she warmed up to it and stated to see what a great oppurtunity it would be when I told her about. I asked her not to tell my dad yet because I knew that I should tell him myself. Frankly to be truthful education is an iffy subject in my house. My parents and I have very different ideas on how to do it. We moved to saudia Arabia from the U.S. almost two years ago and while I want to go back to the U.S. for highschool I know that he would love it if I just decided to stay here and go to some American school nearby. There are not a lot of options if I do end up going to the U.S. and I know that I am the type of person who would thrive in a BS community. I can already anticipate the concerns and things that he will bring up and they are that
a) Religion - it will be slightly more difficulct in a BS but i am commited to making it work. I think that he will be afraid that i will drift away from my religion
b) Money - if I do not get financial aid there is no way for consideration of BS but I think i will get enough financial aid
c) Co-ed - the BS i want to apply to is Co-ed but i am not going to get into anything bad as that totally goes against my morals,integrity, religion etc.. I just don't know how to convince him of that
I am pretty sure he knows that i am responsible enough to take of myself, god knows I have done it all these years, but I am afraid that he will dismiss the idea immediatly. Everytime i think of telling him I just get cold feet. I need some advice from parents or students or people who might have been in a similiar sitiuation.</p>
<p>Even though I don’t go to BS I think I can say something. As for religion I don’t really know what to tell you but as far as co-ed you could ease him into the idea of boarding schools by first telling him about an single sex school and what’s so awesome about it and then talk about other boarding schools that are co-ed. Sorry if that sounds stupid.</p>
<p>You might investigate this school [King's</a> Academy | Home](<a href=“http://www.kingsacademy.edu.jo/]King’s”>http://www.kingsacademy.edu.jo/). It’s in Jordan, and the Headmaster used to be the Headmaster of Deerfield. Sorry, that is all I know about the school, so it might not be what you have in mind.</p>
<p>I just don’t want to live in the middle east anymore. i know my family is originally from here and stuff, but I grew up in America as an American. So that is part of the reason why I want to go back. I know the whole religion thing is dumb, but I think it is important to him. i just hope that i am totally wrong and that he is just going to love the idea and embrace it with open arms, but I think that is being optimistic to the point of foolishness. i just want some tips on how to broch the sitiuation not advice on specific things. That is why i am asking parents because i would like to know how you would want you son or daughter to bring up the subject.
thanks</p>
<p>oh ur muslim. so am i. private message me. ill give you advice. my dad is the same way especially since im a girl. he things boarding school goes against our religion and especially since there are boys there. he would allow my brother to go because hes a boy but not me cause im a girl. plus if i do go, he wants my brother to go with me to watch over me because he thinks a girl needsto be protected by a male at all times</p>
<p>I have spent a lot of time in the middle east (lived in Saudia Arabia, Jordan) and now have two sons at an east coast boarding school. Not sure how feasible this is, but would try to get a visit going. I think your father and mother would be struck how diverse and inclusive these schools have become. There is significantly more ethnic, cultural and racial diversity than one imagines at first glance. I also think the admissions people are very capable of dealing with these kinds of issues - you should call them and ask for help - not how to sell your family, but ask them the types of assistance they provide for students and parents coming from different cultural backgrounds. Specifically on your questions - the larger boarding schools all provide opportunities to practice at least the three monotheistic religions. On money, all these schools are looking for geographic diversity, so as long as you fit in, financial aid should not be tough. Co-ed - the co-ed schools all have (at least to my knowledge) segregated dorms and pretty strict visitation rules…of course teenagers are teenagers…good luck!!!</p>
<p>oh yeaa on the comment above from balto55. i agree its strict and all but the fact that im allowed to actually communicate with a male and a boy is gonna b allowed in my room even with the door open scares him to death. and about the diversity thing, i talked to someone at phillips exeter and they said that only 9 muslim students attend Phillips. mayb one or two of them are girls.</p>
<p>plus balto55,</p>
<p>if they give u more financial aid because they want to geographically diversify, isnt that discrimination?</p>
<p>Discrimination is when a member of a legally protected group is treated unfairly. In the US typically the legally protected groups are: race, ethnicity, gender, age and sexual orientation.</p>
<p>It isn’t discrimination to promote football players, mathletes, or Oklahomans.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>Thanks for all your helpful advice. I really appreciate it. I still haven’t told him. I think I am scared. I know that is really dumb, but I can’t anticipate his reaction and i don’t like that. I just need to do it, right. Every time i start to say something i cant horribly nervous and clam up. Aaaahhh this is killing me.</p>
<p>another thing. If Exeter only has 9 muslim students and I apply will being muslim help my chances. just wondering.</p>
<p>Since none of us know your father, it’s obviously more difficult to make recommendations. Also, as you yourself acknowledge, being Muslim adds significant cultural issues which most of us may frankly not be competent to address.</p>
<p>Having said that, as the father of two teenagers, one a 16 year old girl, I will offer the following suggestions.</p>
<p>First, you should emphasize what an extraordinary education you can receive from some of these schools and that they are truly international in character. I went to Choate over thirty years ago, and even then we had about a dozen middle eastern students (although as I recall several of them were from Lebanon and were Christian). I know members of the Jordanian royal family attended Deerfield and prominent Saudi Arabian families have a long tradtion of sending their children to American and British boarding schools. Today, there is an even larger percentage of international students. However, I think you are correct, there will not be a large number of Muslim students.</p>
<p>Second, being Muslim should help you in the admissions process. Most schools have a genuine commitment to diversity. In particular, I think there is a recognition that in today’s divisive world, Muslim students add a valuable perspective on many issues. I would expect most schools to be enthusiastic about the diversity you would bring to their campus.</p>
<p>I do think their enthusiasm may be tempered by a concern about how comfortable you will feel in an environment where only a small number of students share your religious and cultural background. However, since you have lived in the U.S. for a number of years, I would imagine in your particular case this would be less of an issue.</p>
<p>Third, there are a couple of ways to address your father’s concern about sending you to live in a coed environment. Obviously the simplest way to eliminate this as a concern is to only look as single sex schools like Miss Porters, Dobbs, Emma Willard, etc. However, even in those schools that are coed, students tend to be pretty closely supervised. Dormitories are single sex and have one or more faculty members living with students. Some schools do not permit male students to ever be in a female students room (and vice versa). Those schools that do permit limited visiting supervise the students pretty closely. Most schools also have curfews and enforced lights out for students. </p>
<p>Of course, teenagers being teenagers, if two kids are determined to “hook up” they will probably find a way to do so and you will always hear stories about students who have sex in the woods, the squash courts or even the school chapel.</p>
<p>Finally, I always believe that in situations taking a gradual approach to the issue is the most effective. Rather than demanding that he agree you can go to BS, you might start by suggesting that you just get some brochures and background info. Most of these schools have been selling themselves to parents for a hundred years. They are very good at doing it. If your mother can get your father to at least start looking at some of the brochures and videos, he may become more open to this as an option. Also, if there are any other Muslim families that you know who are sending their children (particularly daughters) to BS, they can be good sources of information and may make your father more comfortable about sending you.</p>
<p>Hope this helps and good luck.</p>
<p>At the risk of sounding manipulative, when I was a girl, if I wanted something that I knew would be a hard sell with my mother, I would get my father on my side because my mother never said no to him (but would to me). I know that sounds like I played one parent against another and I suppose I did. Of course, every marriage has it’s own dynamic. My children probably do the same to us. My husband and I have different comfort levels about different things and my kids have figured out which of us is most likely to respond positively based on the nature of their request. I don’t think this is quite as manipulative as it seems because it is one of the advantages of having two people, two perspectives, two opinions working together to raise a child.</p>
<p>That said, if your mother seems more open to the idea, perhaps she could become your advocate. </p>
<p>Regarding religion…I can only give you my perspective about my children. They know what I believe and I have shared that faith with them. I have to trust that I have instilled in them the values central to our faith to the point that they can use it as an anchor, a moral compass. I fully expect them to question that faith and come to grips with what they believe as they grow and mature. I am confident that when they are adults, they will have come round to their own interpretations. Perhaps you can assure him that your religion is just as important to you as it is to him. Then again, it is entirely likely that I am far to ignorant of your circumstances to be even marginally helpful!</p>
<p>I wish you the best of luck!</p>
<p>Grejuni,</p>
<p>I believe you missed one thing; religion. Anyways, there was this white guy that applied to a college and didn’t get accepted even though he had the exact same stats as this Afro-American. This school wanted to diversify their students so they even let in other races even though they weren’t as qualified as some of the other majority races; whites. He took it to the Supreme Court and he won because it was discrimination against him for being white. Accepting a student because of their race or religion for being a minority even though they are equally qualified or less qualified to attend the institution is discrimination.</p>
<p>I am not 100% sure but isnt the admission of a minority over a “caucasion” ethnicity called affirmative action?</p>
<p>mburgos,</p>
<p>yes it is.</p>
<p>Hey
So I finally told my dad.and… I was surprised by his reactions. He basically said that if I get accepted and I get full financial aid that I have his blessings and he would overlook all his other concerns. I am pretty sure I can get financial aid now i just have to get accepted and I am good to go. Thanks for all your great advice it really helped. :)</p>
<p>Wow! That’s fantastic news!</p>
<p>soso,</p>
<p>Congratz!!!</p>
<p>Soso: Great news. One caution, however. From your posts, I am not sure if you are a US Citizen or a citizen of another country. If you are not a US citizen, and are then considered an international student, you need to choose your schools carefully as you need financial aid. Some schools state that there is next to no financial aid for international students, while others have a more generous policy. Be sure to do your research! Good luck on your search.</p>
<p>He changed his mind. Can you believe that?? I am soooooo mad at him right now cause he is being incredibly mean, he doesn’t even want me to apply anymore. We had a huge fight. I am currently giving him the cold shoulder and avoiding him, i don’t know if that is the best method to deal with the problem but I seriously don’t know what to do.
BrooklynGuy: I am an American citizen and we pay taxes and all that stuff, so no worries there.</p>