Hey guys! This isn’t a __ v ___ which boarding school is better thread (plus, @skieurope would take it down.) The dreaded March 10th has passed, and I’m so lucky to have acceptances to several different schools. I know that I have to pick the school that is right for me, but I was wondering if anyone had any insight on what necessarily to review in order to make a final decision as well as the cultures of different schools. All the schools that accepted me are wonderful, so I’m lost rn. Soon, I’m going to visit, so it’s not like I’m asking which school is better, because I’ll figure that out by myself, but it would be cool if y’all could maybe offer wisdom on this. Thanks, and if this is the kind of thread @skieurope doesn’t want up, then please take it down or close it or whatever haha. Thanks guys 
I’m fine with this as long as it’s a general discussion, i.e. “Check to see which schools have the sports you like” is fine. “Don’t go to SPS because they don’t have swimming” is not.
If you visit each school, the decision should be much easier. T
I can appreciate how hard it is to capture culture ( at any one school ) when all you have is a snapshot . It’s all VERY subjective, too- even with much more information. There are some BSs that I wouldn’t send my dog to which are considered "Top Tier " here and there are others not mentioned too often that I really wish my kids would’ve considered but that’s all water under the bridge now. … beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Anyway - Congratulations!!
Go to the revisit day(s) and pay very close attention to what your heart tells you .
Your acceptance(s) should tell you that they think you’ll fit in and can do the work. Check off those boxes- you’re good to go in their eyes and that’s now officially off your plate. Yay- right? That should free you up to concentrate on REALLY important stuff like …
Imagining yourself living on a campus ( away from home ) for four long*** years. Look around… take in the view ( much more important than you think! ) … walk through the dorms, academic/ art buildings, library and dining hall. Take your time… Visit the student store. Know that the food you will eat on revisit day is a step up from what you’ll likely have on regular basis- and adjust those expectations now. If there’s a team you’d like to join- visit the athletic center, go to a game or practice and observe the coaches, sportsmanship and work ethic of the players.
Ask about on campus clubs and off campus weekend activities that matter or interest you - which is really important if you can’t get home regularly- or at all until breaks . Look at where you’ll likely be living on campus next fall and where you’ll be showering every morning and again before dinner … ( It will be gross wherever you go- but there are varying degrees of gross. Don’t worry- no matter what- you’ll live ) Will you be living in a double or triple? Does it matter? Have lunch and talk to students about the overall quality of life… Don’t be shy. Ask them what their schedule is like and if there are fun activities on the weekends and listen carefully to what they say.
Before heading home- make sure that you and your family build in time to visit and walk around the town… take it all in!
Can you picture yourself there? Does it feel like it can be a home away from home?
MOST IMPORTANT: Can you live with the things that you DON’T like? Because trust me- There will be things at all the schools ( mentioned above ) that you will NOT like… so you should identify those things and be really honest with yourself.
Yes, you will sit in on classes during revisit day…and you’ll have an opportunity to briefly talk to teachers but academics is only one piece and it’s not something you really need to worry about on Revisit Day (s)… it’s there. Believe me: That piece is THERE.
In other words… be very discerning about the stuff that really counts … the day in- day out - stuff that will hopefully offset the grind and inevitable challenges down the road … because in order to succeed in a very rigorous- competitive academic environment- or any BS environment for that matter , you really need to prioritize and think about personal comfort and happiness FIRST. I can’t stress that enough.
Your overall success will depend it… and as simple as this may sound: You’ll know it when you see it and feel it.
Read the Student Handbook for each school prior to the revisit. Write down any questions or concerns so that you can be sure you get those answers while you’re on campus. Also note whether there are any people you want to be sure to meet (such as coaches), email them and let them know which revisit day you will be attending.
For me, aesthetics trump all. How beautiful is the campus? You can laugh, but being in a beautiful place is important to me. I chose my husband that way. 
+1000 to @PhotographerMom’s post. Spot on, again.
True@ChoatieMom but what about in January-March up there in CT?
One idea is to get the current vibe and prepare for your visit by reading the school paper before you get there : get a sense of the culture; politics, arts scene, sports, upcoming events -read editorial page. Can you ditch the event and dine in the cafeteria alone and just observe. If its still winter; check out how cold and long a walk may be early AM or late at night. How isolated do you want to be?
Go to revisit day(s) and find your peeps. You must have a basic understanding of each school because you did research and applied - right?.. Now is the time to follow your heart. It really is that simple. All the best and good luck. Let us know how revisits go.
" True@ChoatieMom but what about in January-March up there in CT? "
@Golfgr8 - What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger… or something. Is The Shining your favorite movie ? Because that would help!!
Oooh! Thanks @PhotographerMom - I do like that hotel in The Shining…and one of the dorms we saw…have a feeling GolfKiddo will need some of those hand-warmer or hot pockets…but reality DID hit while we were driving last November up to schools in the north woods because of deer and headlights - we both saw deer and empathized with the deer !
I grew up in Michigan. Nothing more beautiful than a winter wonderland. I miss the snow.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I’ve removed the schools from the original post. In retrospect, it seemed a bit too much the tap dancing with glee posts that I was trying to avoid this week.
But I think the general question on how to narrow down the options is a good and valid one.
To get back to the thread topic…Just wanting to share some questions to ask yourself when considering —-provided by experienced CC parents (thanks, again). Hopefully, many of these questions have been asked BEFORE you applied…or decided to apply.
Please add your good questions or considerations to the list. Please feel free to move to revisit day thread, if more appropriate.
- Look at the entering class - does it feel right to you?
- How much freedom vs structure do you need? Do you need set study halls, class study hall, time limits, lights out?
- When does the internet get turned off at night? (My kid’s question)
- How many classes do students take each day? Per week?
- How many hours per night do most students study?
- Do you want a more rural campus or do you want to walk to town?
- How far away from home do you feel comfortable being?
- Read the student newspaper to get a sense of “vibe” and what is going on?
- Check out the student radio or website (if any) - how much of a voice do students have?
- Are dorm parents faculty members or professional dorm parents (outside faculty)?
- How much supervision do dorm parents have?
- What are evening activities?
- Are there 3rd teams? Is there room to try new sports at the school?
- Is there school spirit? Do you care about this?
- How much does school social life center around sports?
- Is the student body size too large or too small?
- Are there formal dinners? Do kids change seats to meet students outside of their social group?
- Do kids sit with teams at lunch every day?
- Do kids open doors for each other and let you pass when going up stairs?
- Are kids smoking in the parking lot? (CC parents know what I’m talking about)
- Do 9th graders share the same dorm as uppers, or is it better to just have 9th grade dorm?
- What is the ratio of boarding to day students? Does school clear out on the weekends? Is this OK for you?
- Do faculty speak with you and your parents at Revisit, or just the admissions people?
- Check out a practice and/or game to see how the coaches and players interact.
- Is there a big change about to happen at the school? Change on the horizon?
- How happy do the current students (not graduating Seniors, cause they are leaving) look to you?
- What kind of internships, research opportunities, and individualized programs do they have for Uppers?
- Alumni support for students to get internships and jobs?
- How are the bathrooms? This is important to some people....who shower after sports
- What kind of wellness and emotional growth programs are built into the culture?
- How is the college counseling program? What year does it start?
- Can you change your advisor? How often do you meet your advisor?
This should be a required exercise for all parents AND students. Not only is there terrific insight into school culture in the handbook, but you should assume that ALL rules will be enforced. If there will be an issue following any, and all, school rules then boarding school may not be for you.
For any kids reading this: keep in mind that boarding school may actually be stricter than life at home… but it is also freeing to have the whole population be subjected to the same rules vs. “at home” where one parent allows something and another does not. A school community works best when everyone follows the long-established rules. While there are always exceptions in life, when push comes to shove, the school will default to the rule/punishment outlined in the handbook.
So - if you have strong feelings that the Handbook you read is “so unfair”, I suggest you move on to the next school on your list.
Good luck!
The hotel in The Shining is not far off from winter in New England, though the good news is that this year there has been more snow in the first half of March (spring break in DS’s case) than the rest of the winter. Even the most stunning campus was pretty dark, cold and downright depressing to DS over the winter! Sorry to digress…
The more I read on this board and hear from DS about his freshman year, the more strongly I feel that you really have to love the school, the atmosphere, and the culture. It’s a challenging experience to be away from home, and academics are challenging – too much so to not basically feel very comfortable and “at home” in your environment. As a parent, I would not be happy spending all of the tuition money knowing that my child was not really happy to be at his school. Seriously, re-visit as many as you can, and listen to your gut and your heart. Don’t overlook things just because you want to like a particular school.
Congratulations to everyone going on re-visits, and good luck and enjoy!
@london203 - love this “boarding school may actually be sticter than life at home”! Yep - how did you know? #:-S
@Golfgr8 Been there, done that! Myself AND my kid… LOL.
First off, be observant during your re-visit day. Do people say hi to each other? How do people act when they come into class? How are classroom discussions handled – and how do people disagree with each other? Are the students prepared for class? Does everyone participate? Is this a model that feels right for you?
Think carefully about how you FEEL about what you see and hear. And it’s okay to ask your host and his/her friends questions. Try to ask them so that they can simply talk and you can simply listen. Questions like “If you could change one thing here, what would that be?” or “What’s it like living in the dorm?” will be more revealing because they don’t point the person to a particular answer. You can ask about a typical day, how your host met his/her closest friends, if they always eat with the same people or sit in the same place, how the adjustment was freshman year, what people do on weekends, etc. One of my favorite questions is “Now that you’ve been here for x years, what’s different than you thought it would be?”
If there’s something you’re really interested in – see if you can check it out while you’re there. Maybe it’s the robotics program, a maker space, or a rehearsal for a play. I know kids who have practiced with a team or joined an orchestra practice.
When you talk to the other people revisiting, remember that some of them will be your classmates, but some will not. This is tough if you aren’t really clicking with some of them. (IT’s okay to quietly ask “Do you think you’re going to go here?”)
And this is a big one – you want to be comfortable from the get-go, but there needs to be room to grow. There should be some things that you can aspire to. Think about yourself now, and re-wind to 4 years ago. This same transformation will happen over the next 4 years. If you’re an athlete, what will your path look like over the next 4 years?
You are looking at a home for the next 4 years. You’ll be going to school at this home, so that’s important, but so is the rest of it. Stay open-minded and listen to your heart…
I would go with your gut as well. Maybe narrow it down based on logic, but ultimately I would suggest following your heart. Which school gives you that “feeling” of home, where you could spend the next 2-4 years? Could you see yourself integrated into that community? I’m assuming that all the schools that you got into are valid and fantastic schools, so it ultimately comes down to what is right for you, specifically.
Maybe some of the current students could tell us what ultimately connected them with their schools. And what they missed that they wished they’d known. (Or how perceptions matched reality.)
@Atria , @Nico.campbell, @cababe97 aND others?
And all of you this year, even if you already have a decision, I hope you’ll do this for next year’s crew. @altablue , @christian007 , …