How to convince parents to let me cut down on reach schools?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Right now I have 13 colleges on my list, and it's mostly final, but I was hoping to pare it down to around 10. I wanted to cut out several reach schools on my list (the HYPSM ones), but I've been meeting with strong resistance from my parents.</p>

<p>When I say, "I won't get in, so it's not worth applying," they say I'm being defeatist, and if that is my attitude towards college applications then I am not challenging myself, and I have the chance, and if I have that mindset it will show in my applications and then I will be screwed. (I am exaggerating only mildly.)</p>

<p>I understand the sentiments that "you never know unless you try", "you have a 9% chance of getting accepted if you apply, but none at all if you don't", "aim for excellence, not mediocrity", &c. I really do.</p>

<p>But I want to be realistic, I want to lessen my workload (I'm going to be rather busy this summer, and senior year as well), and I'd really like to save on application fees, because...think about it, $70 equals four or five paperback books. =/ It's a rather large sum that, in my opinion, is somewhat wasted.</p>

<p>I have two match schools that are almost as strong or even stronger in my intended major than these reaches, and so even if I do get accepted it's not like I'll get a much better education than what I am aiming for.</p>

<p>I want to know how to convince my parents that I'm not setting my sights lower, or settling, or being defeatist, or anything like that; it's just that, pragmatically speaking, I don't feel I will get in, and I don't have anything particularly compelling on my application that would stand out from their applicant pool.</p>

<p>However, it's also quite possible I could try to understand their viewpoint more. Feel free to elaborate on any reasons my parents might be so insistent, or what a good compromise might be.</p>

2

<p>“I have two match schools that are almost as strong or even stronger in my intended major than these reaches…”</p>

<p>This might be the key to your peace of mind. If you focus on the major, you could eliminate the places that are not at least as good as college X for that field of study.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>

3

<p>Would you be willing to share your list? It would help to know what you consider reaches/matches.</p>

4

<p>That you are telling your parents that your chances are not good in gaining admissions to those schools just fuels their desire for you to have more reaches on the list. Statistically, you do have a better chance of getting into a selective school if you apply to more of them, though the numbers are not what a pure mathematical model would give you. </p>

<p>I also think your parents are not concerned with the application fees. What you might want to do is emphasize that you want your apps to your colleges to be as strong as possible and your senior year grades and activities also show commitment which is difficult to do with all of those apps hanging over your head. Also let them know that you have some schools where you will be perfectly happy and will give you what you want academically. There is a point of diminishing returns when you apply to too many schools as the chances for error increase, you are spread too thin, and you are not as fresh on the apps.</p>

5

<p>I think you should be able to to cut out several of the HYPSM schools if you talk to your parents about “fit”. The elite institutions also have distinctive cultures and you may like the atmosphere of all of them. The kid that is happy at Harvard may not be happy at MIT, for example. Talk about why you like the matches and safeties on your list, then determine which of the super-reach schools best matches those qualities. Applying for college should not be a part-time job, and with 13 applications, multiple supplemental essays, etc. it may feel like it is.</p>

6

<p>who’s paying for college? you or your parents? If you are i’d just go ahead and do what YOU want instead of running it by them.</p>

7

<p>Why don’t you sit with them and go through the accepted/rejected threads on CC for the schools in question? If you jointly decide that your profile does not measure up, then ask them to spare you the effort and likely disappointment of being rejected. On the other hand, if you do measure up, then take a swing at the one with good fit.</p>

8

<p>@Youdon’tsay, I’m mostly considering CS colleges. CMU & USC & UC Berkeley seem to be matches. RPI & RIT would be safeties. I would say Cornell is a reasonable reach for me (although I am more interested in my matches right now), Harvard & Stanford & Princeton would be unreasonable reaches.</p>

<p>I have analyzed the admissions statistics from Naviance for my school. I highly doubt I will get in, particularly at Stanford.</p>

<p>Anyways, thank you for the advice, everyone! icedragon…we are splitting the costs, in a sense. My parents are paying for the equivalent of an in-state education, and I will come up with the difference in tuition should I attend a more expensive university.</p>

<p>I guess my plan of action right now…I will probably look more closely at the school environments and the strength of their CS departments. I have to admit I hate researching my reach schools, just because I don’t want to fall in love with a place if I can help it. I’d rather fall in love with a match. Better ROI. =)</p>

<p>I imagine I’ll probably find I really only like 1 of my unreasonable reaches…enough to compel me to apply. I appreciate everyone’s input on this. Thank you!</p>

9

<p>As someone else suggested, you could emphasize a lack of fit. If you argue that you won’t get in, that might feed the view that you are not aiming high enough or are being defeatist. It might be more convincing to argue that some schools and not others are right for you and a good fit. Also, people on these threads say that students sometimes are more successful when they apply to fewer schools because they can put all of their energy into fewer applications instead of spreading it out over so many.</p>

10

<p>Could you by chance split the cost of the Fee for the application with your parents?</p>

11

<p>

</p>

<p>So they want you to pay for their dreams of having a kid at an elite school? This is not fair. Do a quick calculation of how much money YOU would have to kick in over 4 years in order to attend a $50K/year school. Show them the number, and ask if they really think you should incur that much debt.</p>

<p>Another approach is compromise. Tell them you’re willing to apply to two reaches. You’ll choose one, and they get to choose the other.</p>

12

<p>Tell your parents (and your guidance counselor) that the entire college admissions system is clogged with all these excessive applications. My kids applied to 4-6 schools, after carefully looking into each one. Now, I read that kids are applying to 15-30 schools!</p>

<p>Ivy Leagues and other top schools are all very different, so perhaps you cold pick two, and explain your reasons to your parents. Do you like city or country? Which has the best CS department and opportunities? What is the personality of the school overall? How is housing arranged? What opportunities are there in the community surrounding the school? Etc.</p>

<p>(If you are eligible for financial aid, one of the most compelling reasons to apply to Ivies is their incredibly generous financial aid.)</p>

<p>Your parents sound very invested in where you go. It should be your choice. What is their motivation, do you think? Can you talk about this?</p>

<p>So if you apply to two Ivies with good CS, and apply to your matches (you name 3) and safeties (you mention 2), that is a total of 7 schools. That sounds reasonable.</p>

<p>UC Berkeley is amazing, I hear, and it is an accomplishment to get in…Would your parents be happy about that? If not, why?</p>

<p>One of my kids did CS at Brown, by the way. Undergrads serve as teaching assistants in CS classes at Brown, which was a great opportunity. My son paid for more than half of his education while working at that and a job as webmaster there, even though we had initially thought we, his parents, would be paying for most of it. He loved it there but, like you, would have been happy at his “match” schools too.</p>

<p>Other schools may offer particular opportunities like this: do some digging and identify them.</p>

<p>Tufts and Carnegie Mellon might be other places to look on the East Coast.</p>

<p>Maybe it would help if you could sit down with your parents after doing some in depth research. Look at CS departments, courses offered, curriculum sequence, where applicants end up working, that kind of thing, as well as distribution requirements and quality of other courses. Have you visited most of these schools? Can you talk about the “vibe” and why you like certain ones? Would your parents listen if you present your case this way?</p>

<p>Applying to a couple of reaches should satisfy your parents, and it sounds like you will be happy to go to your matches too. I think you could apply to 7-8 schools and be very happy with your list. If you are happy, your parents should be too.</p>

<p>You sound like a sensible person, congratulations on being so sane in the face of an insane process!</p>

13

<p>Go to “my chances” , input all of your data. Put in all of the schools…if you have a number of schools that come out under 5% chance for admittance you have something (other than your own opinion) to show your parents and help your case.</p>

14

<p>My standard advice in situations like these is to try to find a compromise solution that keeps options now and works for now and puts off the confrontation for now.</p>

<p>It seems to me that if your parents are willing to pay for the extra applications (and score reports) that applying to 13 schools including your matches and safeties and your parents reaches seems like a reasonable compromise to me … as long as your schools are on the list the list works for now … (PS - and no one will know how much time and effort you spend on those 3 or 4 extra applications).</p>

<p>I’d also suggest having your parents look at Naviance or the chances threads on CC for those schools for which you really do not have much of a shot and maybe they will let you drop a few … then again the odds of acceptance are 0% if you do not apply (don’t chop schools because you think your odds are bad but because you do not think they are a fit for you).</p>

15

<p>Seems unreasonable for your parents to push you to apply to schools they won’t pay for.</p>

<p>While Harvard could theoretically cost nothing (depending upon your financial situation), at a minimum your folks ought be willing to pay your full cost to go to any of the reaches they are pressuring you to apply to. Perhaps they will back off if they are unwilling to guarantee you the tuition to those schools?</p>

<p>…but if they agree and persist, it may waste less time to just apply than it would to keep fighting with your parents about it.</p>

16

<p>My advice is go ahead and apply to the schools your parents want you to. Many of the essays can be recycled, and the Common App makes the process easier.</p>

<p>If you get in to any of those very selective schools, and if financial aid doesn’t measure up, then you will find out how badly your parents really want you to go there. If they really do, they will renegotiate the financial deal.</p>

17

<p>I would suggest looking at the list from the point of view of identifying the core 5-6 schools - and what work is needed to get those apps done. Then look at the remaining schools and see how much individual work each requires. You may be surprised at how little additional work some of those schools require - tweak an already completed essay here or there and it is done for the next school. </p>

<p>I would say that UC Berkeley is not a match for anyone. The UC system has just too many financial challenges and is too impacted with applications for anyone to consider Cal anything other than a reach.</p>

18

<p>

Are you kidding? You may well end up with $100K debt that way.
If you are CA resident, and can get into UCB, it is a very good option for you. If you will be NMF, USC will be affordable with their automatic merit aid.</p>

<p>CMU is not a match for anyone in CS, btw…</p>

<p>UIUC can be your safety, but I’m not sure what the cost OOS will be (they used to make it same as in state cost for top students, but I think that’s no longer the case)</p>

<p>Applying to Stanford and MIT would make sense if you are eligible for need-based aid.</p>

19

<p>we are splitting the costs, in a sense. My parents are paying for the equivalent of an in-state education, and I will come up with the difference in tuition should I attend a more expensive university.</p>

<p>Huh? How do your parents expect YOU to come up with the difference? What kind of parents INSIST on applying to a bunch of expensive schools and then insist that the student pay for the costs that exceed a state school? That sounds almost abusive because they would be essentially forcing their child to take on big strangling debt unnecessarily. I’m guessing that if you were to get into a pricey school, your parents would expect/demand that you attend - even if it meant huge debt for you. </p>

<p>However, maybe I’m wrong and they would let you choose a school that they will pay for even if you get into pricey U. Or, maybe you’ll qualify for need-based aid, and the family contribution would be equivalent to your parents’ share? </p>

<p>Do you know if you’ll qualify for financial aid?</p>

20

<p>Practically speaking, how would they know if you torpedoed your application? Are they going to insist on seeing every supplemental essay you write? Because if you really wanted to, you could just write some pablum in there so it wouldn’t be a lot of work for you, and then you won’t get in. Or is the problem that they’ll then rag on you for not getting in to these top schools? IOW, is this really a parent-prestige issue?</p>