<p>I am a junior in high school and my parents and I have started talking seriously about college. I've been reading these forums and I see that it is very hard to get into top colleges, and I have learned that having a 3.9 GPA with some challenging classes and a couple extra-curriculars isn't all that special. </p>
<p>I really appreciate their support and I know they want me to aim high, but they seem to think I can get in to all these awesome places. I am planning to apply to some good schools, but they don't really understand how hard it is to get into these places. I have been researching colleges and they are letting me totally decide where I want to go, but they always list off places like Stanford, MIT, etc.</p>
<p>They also won't be blunt with me about what we can afford financially. I know that college is a huge investment, I will be helping out any way I can, but they will be paying for most of it. They tell me that grants and scholarships will cover a lot because I have good grades, but I try to tell them that these places they are suggesting don't really give merit scholarships. They had one meeting with a financial planner guy and now they tell to me apply to all the most expensive private schools because they give the best aid, even when I try to ask them what price range I should be looking in.</p>
<p>So, sorry for the long post, but how can I make my parents realize that just because I have good grades doesn't mean I can go anywhere I please?</p>
<p>Tell them to join CC. That will open their eyes pretty fast!
Seriously, there is no reason not to apply to a variety of colleges- your choices and theirs!
Do you have a major in mind? That will help narrow down the field.
Good luck!</p>
<p>Bear in mind that a lot of colleges that have a history of generous financial aid are getting less generous. For instance, some are returning to the policy of asking students to use loans and not just outright grants. As well, what parents think they can afford and what colleges think they can afford are often quite different, and the students end up being “gapped.” There are colleges that have generous merit aid; but these are not the Stanford, MIT schools your parents are focused on, although many of them are excellent.</p>
<p>So I suggest that you work together with your GC to come up with a list of reaches, matches and safeties. If you can list your intended major (however vague it is) your desired location, size, etc… and give us a sense of your profile besides your 3.9 GPA, we could help you come up with a list of schools for you to consider.</p>
<p>Make sure that you take the SAT (or ACT) and the SAT subject tests as required by the schools that interest you. It’s best to have some, if not all, of this done by the end of the academic year.</p>
<p>Volleyballplayer, I think you’re quite right that you need to look outside your household to find an honest picture of the current college-admissions landscape for your parents. If your school has access to Naviance, that’s a very matter-of-fact way to show them that good grades are necessary but not sufficient for the most selective colleges.</p>
<p>If you don’t have access to Naviance, is there a really good college-placement advisor at your high school who can meet with you and one or both of your parents to discuss college options candidly?</p>
<p>If neither of those is possible, then I guess you’ll have to look with them at the data on the College Board web site, and maybe some of the threads for selective colleges on CC.</p>
<p>As you do this, maybe your parents notice something. As admission to the most famous colleges and universities has become more competitive, many students who might once have gone to MIT or Stanford have ended up going to other colleges; accordingly, many colleges that once had reputations as “safeties” now have great reputations in their own right. As they say, a rising tide lifts all boats. </p>
<p>I wish I had good advice for you about the money thing. It’s often hard for parents and teens to talk about the family’s money. Maybe you could get them to look at the paying-for-college parts of the College Board web site, or this one. They’ll find the message there that they ought to talk with you early and candidly about paying for college.</p>
<p>OP, the important thing is that YOU are realistic. Congratulations on your maturity.</p>
<p>Just make sure you apply to a variety of colleges. Go ahead and give Stanford and MIT a shot, but make sure to include some other schools where you are likely to get merit aid, in case your parents are totally underestimating college costs. Since they won’t give you a firm (or even squishy) figure, maybe you could talk them into doing an online cost calculator at a couple of their top schools so they get a reality check.</p>
<p>The problem is parents don’t know what they’re willing to pay until they have the options in front of them. You’re going to have to apply widely, see where you get in and what kind of aid you get, and then make a decision together once all the hard data is in.</p>
<p>Okay thank you guys that helps. To the person that asked, I’m planning to major in cognitive science and have been looking at colleges pretty much based on that since it’s a very specific major. I also haven’t gotten my ACT score back yet, but I plan on taking it until I can get a 30 or above. Maybe I will tell them to come on this site :P. But yes thanks for suggesting those sites, hopefully that will bring things into perspective. Right now I’ve been thinking about places like Rochester and Case Western, but I will probably end up applying to some ivy-league places to satisfy my parents :P.</p>
<p>Re: #6: No, that’s not quite true. Parents ought to have a sense of what they can afford. Too many stories of parents pushing their kids to apply to top schools that they then cannot afford.
It sounds from what the OP’s parents are saying that they are counting on financial aid. They’d better know what they can afford.</p>
<p>And really, have them sit down with you for a bit on CC and see what the app to college world is really like!</p>
<p>Seriously though, many (including many parents who are on CC now) once thought too that our kids had great grades (which many do) and that money would be offered left and right - full scholarships too! Yes, unfortunately all too many think this and it is a shockeroo when it comes this time senior year and this is not the case. GOOD FOR YOU being ahead of the game so you can be prepared.</p>
<p>Be prepared. Go ahead and apply to those grand schools they want you to (if you want to also) but also apply to some matches and safeties. You MUST do this! Often parents with good students don’t realize that they will LIKELY still be asked to pay their portion of the cost - based on the FAFSA/PROFILE. Often NO WAY around this!</p>
<p>Make a list of all colleges that your parents suggest and the ones you want. For each college, make a list of admission requirements (GPA, SAT scores, selectivity) in one column
or a set of columns. Next column make a list of merit aid they give. In the final column put down the cost of Attendance, how much you can be expected to pay. </p>
<p>Show this list to your parents and tell then that each application costs about $100 (scores, application fees etc) and each application takes about 15-20 hours to complete (essays, applications, getting transcripts). This might open their eyes a little bit. You need to put the actual facts before them. I think it is worth a shot.</p>
<p>You certainly seem to have a realistic, informed, and mature view of the situation. I think you’re right to be concerned that your parents seem to have an unrealistic view of colleges although this isn’t unusual at all. </p>
<p>Do try to get them informed by using the link provided by Marite, by getting your parents to start reading CC if possible, and getting your school counselor involved.
It’s fine to still apply to the colleges you want but the very top colleges are reaches for everyone so you need to be sure to also apply to some matches and safeties.
Your parents need to first understand and then be realistic about what they can afford for college. Are they really willing and able to pay $50K plus per year for 4 years if you end up in a full pay situation? If not, then finances will need to be understood by all or else everyone will be set up for disappointment. Likewise, if you don’t get accepted to the top few colleges you don’t want everyone to be unduly disappointed. Fortunately, you probably won’t be due to your knowledge of the situation.
Play out a few scenarios with your parents - discuss what would happen if you were accepted at HYPS - i.e., there’ll be no merit aid so what will be the ‘financial need’ situation and given that, will your parents be able to pay? What if you’re not accepted to any of these yet are accepted to your state flagship or some other good privates? Will your parents be pleased? If your parents are counting on you receiving a full ride, what’ll happen in the event you don’t? It’s best to understand this now versus later.
Discuss what’ll happen regarding finances if you’re interested in pursuing a field where a post-grad degree is required.
Visit the financial aid sections of the websites of several colleges (reach/match/safety) you might be interested in and educate yourself and then, educate your parents by having them review the website with you.</p>
<p>See if your parents would be willing to use one of the online EFC calculators to try and figure out what colleges will expect them to contribute (or you can do it with some info from them). Also, see if your school’s GC would be willing to meet with them to discuss your concerns (meet with your GC first and discuss them with her/him. They can hopefully provide some good guidance about where you are looking and where you might be looking, whether you’re aiming too high or too low). </p>
<p>Ask to go and visit schools you’re interested in and talk to them about WHY you’re interested in certain schools and not in others. Emphasize that going to a school like Case Western will give you the chance to get a great opportunity that YOU want and then afterwards open the door for you to go to places like MIT and Stanford for grad school. Also, note that they cost less and that means you’ll have to take out fewer loans and can have more resources for graduate school (I’m assuming cognitive science requires some kind of graduate school training here?). Also point out to them that going to MIT or an Ivy school for undergrad does not give you an advantage in applying their for grad school (your parents will probably try to pull that one).</p>
<p>In our school juniors and their parents meet with their guidance counselors spring of junior year and discuss possible colleges. Students get their Naviance passwords then and you get a chance to see what is realistic. We actually discovered that our kid with a 3.6 or so, had much better chances than I expected. We still put together a list that had safeties he liked though.</p>
<p>You are being very mature and proactive, so kudos to you. Encourage your parents to listen to you (rationally and calmly) and have them talk to your college counselor if necessary. Good luck!</p>
<p>In considering schools, please look to the flagship in-state university as one school to include on your list. We have known several folks whose kids were crushed after applying & being accepted to many dream schools only to find that the family could NOT afford the costs, even with the scholarships & grants received. This even happened to the validictorian to our uber-competitive elite HS. She & her family were shocked, expecting that her fabulous grades & test scores would provide all the funding she needed. She ended up going to our in-state flagship U on a full-ride. She could have had many more options if she had taken the approach you are and applied to more schools known for good merit aid for kids with her stats (there were tons).</p>
<p>1) that top schools give merit
2) that you’ll get into a top school
3) that you’ll get generous aid at top schools regardless of how high their income is.</p>
<p>It also sounds like they don’t want to say how much they’ll contribute because they don’t want to commit to an amount in case you choose a school that they don’t think is prestigious enough.</p>
<p>There is an Expected Family Calculator right here on College Confidential and on Collegeboard.com. You can ask your parents to plug some numbers in so they will know the amount that most schools (top or not) will want them to pay per year. this was very accurate for our family and was similar between public and private schools (but our numbers are simple):
[EFC</a> Calculator: How Much Money for College Will You Be Expected to Contribute?](<a href=“http://apps.collegeboard.com/fincalc/efc_welcome.jsp]EFC”>http://apps.collegeboard.com/fincalc/efc_welcome.jsp)</p>
<p>Then you can explain that Ivy type schools only offer financial aid based on need as shown from the calculations. They do not offer academic merit awards. Then take one ivy that you might be interested (Brown has Cog Sci, for instance and a great Neuro program) and show the criteria for special awards that are given on need based (since you didn’t say your approximate family income, it is hard for us to say if this is realistic to expect somtheing like that, the lower your income the better)
<a href=“https://financialaid.brown.edu/Cmx_Content.aspx?cpId=78#initiatives[/url]”>https://financialaid.brown.edu/Cmx_Content.aspx?cpId=78#initiatives</a></p>
<p>I think making a chart of some kind is good advice, it will help you understand more too.</p>
<p>The single most important eye-opener for your parents would be running the quick EFC estimator. It’s so important for your parents to understand that “need-based” financial aid is based on the difference between THAT NUMBER and the cost of attendance.</p>
<p>Okay thanks again guys. Yea my parents told me once that they found at a financial meeting that our EFC was about 10,000, but then they followed with “Don’t worry about the money, we want you to go to the best possible place you want to go to.” So now I’m trying to be considerate about the money and not have my parents end up in something they can’t handle, since I know my brother will be going to college in a couple years too, so I just need them to realize that the schools they are suggesting are most likely out of our price range. </p>
<p>Also I’m in Michigan so yes I’m definitely looking at UMich. I will definitely talk with my parents as you suggested to try and shed some light on things. Thanks :)</p>
