<p>My former roommate and good friend left for summer break and had this new guy move in. This guy basically leaves super early in the morning everyday and only comes to the room late at night to sleep. A few of my friends have said they see him at the gym or the recreation sports center playing sports every time they are there, but he never really interacts with people outside of those. He's either at the library studying for hours on end or at the gym. I mean, he takes care of himself and does his laundry and doesn't smell at all, but it just leaves me and the guys wondering what's his problem? Why is he so antisocial? He doesn't even have a facebook. The only conversation I ever have with him is the typical greetings and nothing else. He's the polar opposite of my former roommate, who I would go out with regularly and is a really good friend of mine. How should I go about dealing with this guy over the summer? I really might think something is not right with him at all.</p>
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<p>He interacts with people. He is not antisocial.</p>
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<p>I don’t either and I am far from antisocial.</p>
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<p>Sounds to me he thinks you are boring or he doesn’t like you.</p>
<p>Have you ever invited him to hang out or go out with you and your friends?</p>
<p>I’d rather room with him than with you, OP.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with him. Some people prefer to keep to themselves and not become friends with their roommate because they find living with someone they’re indifferent towards to be easier. It’s great that you hit it off with your former roommate, but that’s rare. Plenty roommates aren’t friends and behave similarly to what you describe. Actually, this guy sounds even better because he gives you plenty of space and keeps his stuff clean.</p>
<p>I don’t think he’s the one with problems in this scenario…</p>
<p>I don’t see what he does that’s so “antisocial”. This word is disturbingly overused. To me, “antisocial” behavior in a roommate would be disrespect and verbal abuse, for example.</p>
<p>He is probably just an introvert - what’s wrong with that? He is respecting your boundaries.</p>
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Is that your definition of interacting? So going to class and sitting with other people but never saying a word to them is also “interacting”?</p>
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I doubt that, and even if you aren’t, exceptions do not make the rule. </p>
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Nothing wrong with that, but he clearly thinks everyone else on campus is boring or doesn’t like anybody since he’s either at the gym or library by himself and is never seen with anyone else? To most normal people, that would raise some red flags.</p>
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It’s very hard to catch him since he’s gone for the entire day and only comes to the dorm late at night to sleep. But the few times I’ve caught him around, I’ve tried to invite him a couple times to do something and he always makes some excuse up so I don’t any more.</p>
<p>There is nothing pathological about being an introvert. It’s not even weird. Some people enjoy being left to their own thoughts. He just has a different way of operating than you do. Please dont call him strange for these traits.</p>
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<p>And how do you know this? </p>
<p>Fwiw, I don’t talk to people in classes that much but I’m definitely not anti-social. He is playing sports with people. He’s not anti-social. </p>
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<p>No it wouldn’t.</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with your roommate. Move along.</p>
<p>Always at the gym or at the library = he studies hard and is in really good shape. He sounds like a winner in my book. :)</p>
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<p>Playing sports has nothing to do with being antisocial or not. For example, there are many professional athletes who are antisocial, like Kobe Bryant. Unless you play on the team, then most random people you play pick up sports with will not be interested in interacting with you after the sport. That’s how I know most of the people in this thread rarely or never play sports.</p>
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You’re probably not a normal college student then. Go figure.</p>
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<p>Lol. Omnomnom ■■■■■. </p>
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<p>He sounds like a catch ;)</p>
<p>Actually this guy sounds like a dream come true for a roommate. He doesn’t bother you in any way, except for not living up to your expectations. By all means you ought to be grateful for his demeanor as opposed to how he could be. It would be smart to accept him the way that he is instead of doing something to cause things to change.</p>
<p>What i mean is, don’t give him a hard time about anything because that would change things in a bad way. You could alienate him and cause bad feeling and all for nothing. It is nice to have a roomy that is polite and takes care of his end of things. he doesn’t make a mess and he doesn’t get in the way. </p>
<p>He could be taking the time to get used to you or he could just be very busy and does not want to or have time for hanging out. Have you thought that maybe you have interests and habits that don’t appeal to him? It is smart to consider all of the alternatives in this situation. He could be noisy and obnoxious, use your stuff, make a mess, and steal your girlfriend just because he is around so much.</p>
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with being introverted. However, even the most introverted of the introverts have friends and do social things once in a blue moon. This guy, however, is never seen with anybody and seems to consciously refuse to associate with anyone and prefers to isolate himself. This is where it becomes troubling.</p>
<p>COD555…you are going to meet all kinds of people out there. He would not even participate in pick-up games if he were truely anti-social. He may be shy, he may be an introvert, he might just be very focused on the reason why he is at college and refuses to let anything get in the way, including relationships. </p>
<p>I will ask again- have you ever asked him to join you or your friends when you go out? Maybe he is waiting for you to reach out to him!</p>
<p>That’s exactly what I do, but when off season comes I interact a lot more. It just sounds like success is important to this guy. A lot of kids at my school who are serious about school delete their facebooks.</p>
<p>Even if he’s a loner, your immediate thought shouldn’t be that there’s something wrong with him. Some people just don’t enjoy social interaction as much as you do. People are different and like different things, which is something you’re going to continue to learn as you grow and mature. Someone acting differently than you doesn’t automatically mean something’s wrong with them, especially if they’re not hurting anybody else in the process. I think your roommate sounds happy the way he is; no need to stick your nose into his business and be worried for him. Even if he’s always caught by you and your friends being all alone, so what? If someone were to catch me around campus, it’d be the same thing, because I <em>prefer</em> walking places alone, not having to talk to people in class, doing things alone. That’s just what makes me happy. I have a couple of close friends that I interact with, too, but I don’t walk all over campus with them. Yet, I’m still friends with them and am fine with my social life. I’d still be fine if I didn’t have any friends at all, either.</p>
<p>But this kind of person is far from uncommon; it just sounds like you need to realize that not everybody is the same in regards to social interaction, and it doesn’t mean they have issues, even if they <em>are</em> the most introverted of introverts. For example, I can’t understand why someone would be constantly social and talking to everyone around them, but it doesn’t mean I think they’re strange, just that I understand that different things stimulate them. Just accept him for who he is, be glad you don’t have a roommate that’s disrespectful and obnoxious, and move on.</p>
<p>i’ve had roommates like this, that seemed like they didn’t want to hang out or be friends but just did their own thing, although i do find this behavior to be strange since i prefer to interact with mine. like i know of a friend that was the new one moving into a triple with already two people in it, and the two seemed to be alienating her.</p>