How to deal with Asian Parents..with test scores

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>Hi I'm an Asian student currently studying in an American school. As you guys probably know..asian parents have this stereotype in that they are seen as strict, scary parents who go crazy if their kids have bad test scores or scores they deem to be "failures." My parents are very stereotypical Asian parents.... :(</p>

<p>I'm a sophomore and I got 750 on SAT Subject Test Mathematics Level IIC this May, and 760 on SAT Subject Test World History this June. I told my parents about the 750 a few weeks ago and they freaked out. They were so disappointed and angry and told me that I would have to lose hope of getting into any great schools with that score. It was hell..seriously. I cried so much and really lost hope in everything. </p>

<p>For SAT World History..I honestly thought that I would do well on this test...At least a 780...but I guess not..I'm now scared to death as to how to tell my parents about this score.........I'm really really depressed and I've even thought about jumping off the nearest building because this is just too hard and depressing for me..I don't want to keep doing this and I just want this all to stop... Please can someone help me.....</p>

<p>It was my second time taking the World History test (I got 740 as a freshman and I got into so much trouble with my parents..) and I also got an award at school in the Social Studies category (which is an award only two people from the entire High School get) and so my parents expected more from me in Social Studies....I'm so disappointed with myself too..</p>

<p>Please help me...Some advice please?</p>

2

<p>Why are YOU disappointed?!?!?! Those are great scores!! Ummm, this sounds trollish, like a LOT.</p>

3

<p>It seriously isn’t trollish…This is for real…This is what asian culture is like… There are such high standards…</p>

4

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<p>I would say the same, but OP’s Asian, so I believe him/her.</p>

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<p>Threaten to jump off a building? Lie about your score? I really don’t know.</p>

5

<p>Doesn’t sound trollish to me. You probably don’t understand the immense amount of pressure Asian parents put on their kids. Speaking as a child of asian parents, it CAN seem like you are nothing to them but a series of numbers and scores. </p>

<p>The important thing to remember is that they have your best interests at heart and would never want to see you come to harm. Trust me on this, while telling them your score may be incredibly difficult, you will feel much better afterwards. The truth will set you free. </p>

<p>To quote Randy Pausch, brick walls exist to show you how badly you want things. There’s always October. You can retake the history exam then after studying over the summer and show them up.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

6

<p>Your schools are very good. You know your parents are abusive and overboard, so try not to let their lack of perspective poison your efforts. You focus on what you need to do to get where you need to go. Keep your eyes on the prize and keep on doing your best…the prize will be getting out of the house and becoming independent. Hang in there, I have friends who have dealt with similar situations and it seems unbearable but then you’ll graduate and move on.</p>

7

<p><a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools;
760 is above the 90th percentile. Does that make it better?</p>

8

<p>^It probably wouldn’t. Don’t let your parents phase you. Set clear and reasonable goals for yourself and make it clear to your parents what they are.</p>

9

<p>Anyone who says “your score are good” to make you feel better don’t understand your own standards or your parents’. What are your goals for college and are they different from your parents’?</p>

10

<p>sophomore</p>

<p>They’ll yell at you and then tell you to work hard for your junior year, then they’ll hop off.</p>

11

<p>Don’t be a wimp about it. They aren’t yelling at you for no reason.</p>

12

<p>Maybe you want to sit down and have a chat with your parents. Show them some successful Asian people who didn’t do well at school yet succeeded in life anyway.</p>

<p>Don’t take their words seriously. Maybe if you can, secretly plug earplugs when they yell at you. Then when they shout, ‘‘Hey! Are you listening?!’’, just nod and look remorseful. :)</p>

13

<p>He’s not ■■■■■■■■.</p>

<p>Show them the percentiles. And you’ve still got one more year. So yeah, work your ass of ching-chong-ting-tong-long bro.</p>

14

<p>Are you a boy or a girl?</p>

15

<p>Direct them to the Harvard acceptance thread on this forum and then they’ll realize how little scores really mean.</p>

16

<p>Your parents would probably be utterly ecstatic if you got a perfect SAT I score too, right?</p>

<p>Show them this: [MIT</a> Admissions | Blog Entry: “What’s the big deal about 40^2?”](<a href=“http://www.mitadmissions.org/topics/apply/standardized_test_requirements/whats_the_big_deal_about_402.shtml]MIT”>http://www.mitadmissions.org/topics/apply/standardized_test_requirements/whats_the_big_deal_about_402.shtml)</p>

<p>Scores aren’t that important…</p>

17

<p>You really can’t fix it, imo. It’s a viewpoint that’s been with them since they were a kid. You sometimes have to give up, accept it as a difference of cultures that can’t be changed, and move on.</p>

18

<p>Not all asian parents have that standard. In fact, a couple of my friends who are asian including myself have parents that are totally understanding, and only want us to do our best. As long as I tried my best, it’s fine. </p>

<p>But I feel for you. Scores do mean something, but they don’t mean everything. Extracurriculars, volunteering, and leadership account for way more than that. If you have a high SAT score but low participation in your community, you would never make it into Ivies. You have to make them understand that you’re trying your absolute best, and that scores only account for so much of your application.</p>

19

<p>Asian parent here. There is a perception that Asians are all about scores and GPA, they are all robots doing the most typical ECs(violin, piano, ping pong, chess, science team). Because of that perception, in order to stand out sometimes is not to be so typical. Instead of trying to get the perfect scores, it maybe better to be head of the student council, chair of senior prom, editor in chief, doing some volunteer work for under privileged children (like tutoring or coaching).</p>

<p>My older daughter just graduated from a lower IVy with not so perfect SAT scores(below 700 on some). In high school she was very involved with few clubs and spent 15+ hours per week on an EC she was passionate about. In college, she joined a sorority and was very active with the student government and running of her sorority. She has an IB job, and she will be going to London for training in a week.</p>

<p>My nephew didn’t take all honors in high school, took his first AP senior year, but had very compelling ECs, job experience, good essays, will be going to a top 20 this fall. He was the only one who got into this school during ED. His other Asian friends with better stats didn’t do as well.</p>

<p>My older daughter’s roommate (Aisan also), didn’t quite apply herself in high school, so she didn’t get apply to HYPS, but she did well enough (got inducted into the school’s secret society) she was accepted to every law school she applied to (Harvard included), and she is going to Stanford Law. </p>

<p>I have a younger daughter who is a raising senior in high school. She also doesn’t have perfect scores, but with her GPA, ECs, and her writing ability, I am pretty confident she will do fine. </p>

<p>You need certain academic stats for top tier schools to want to get pass page 4 of your common app, but once you have reached a certain threshold, another 20 or 40 points is not going to make that big of a difference. For top tier schools, it’s going to be your essays and teacher’s recs which will make the difference. An A student who doesn’t contribute to class discussion or intellectual curiosity will not get a good rec from a teacher. </p>

<p>A lot of Asian parents still think getting into top schools is all about top scores and GPA, they are big factors, but a lot of soft qualities are considered when it comes to admittance. </p>

<p>You have very good scores, they shouldn’t preclude you from getting into top tier schools, and most of them only require 2 SATs now. If I were you, I wouldn’t take any more SATII, instead focus on your studies and cultivate some good relationship with your teachers.</p>

20

<p>I feel so much for you! My parents are exactly like that- they demand perfection and something to brag to their friends about… It’s an Asian thing and I hate it. But you gotta work with whatcha got.</p>

<p>So what I do when I get a horrible test grade is that I break the news to them like: “Hey I um… Failed my math test. BUT… I placed fifth in my english exam!” It sort of lessens the pain a little. Maybe if you could try to take some other exam/do something nice for them (something they’d care about. My parents wouldn’t appreciate my giving them breakfast in bed if it meant I’d ruined my straight As, for example.) it’ll really cushion the blow.</p>

<p>As for feeling disappointed with yourself and being down, just do something that gives you confidence. Something you’re good at- like music or sports or writing poetry, and make your parents understand how important it is to you IN ADDITION to grades. Plus it’s a good stress reliever when something goes “wrong”. NO JUMPING OFF BUILDINGS. NO.
I’ve had hours of nagging and scolding throughout my 17 years from my high-expectation parents, and I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, hmm? Except it shouldn’t kill you. Your parents just want the best for you, but if disappointment is what you feel that’s not right. Be motivated and stay strong:D </p>

<p>Live long and prosper.</p>