<p>was looking at my post and realized i should have put that my parents would ideally like to spend 25K a year but that money shouldnt affect my desicion on where im going</p>
<p>Unless parents are truly wealthy, finances usually DO play a part in the options that kids have. That is just reality.</p>
<p>What about a situation where two siblings differ greatly in aspirations academically? If one wishes to attend a prestigious private school, but the other heads to the state university, shouldn’t parents be helping kid 1 greater overall?</p>
<p>No. I can’t see how one kid’s aspirations(and the resources to make that happen) should necessarily take away from what the next kid might want to do.</p>
<p>^^ Yes, as long as they have the resources and they second child isn’t giving up their “dream” expensive school that the older sib got to go to.</p>
<p>I keep trying to post to this thread and CC keeps eating my posts…but my point consistently has been that whlie money doesn’t symbolize love, we do try to be “fair” to all of our children in terms of financial support of their college plans. And because of that, they try to be fair to us - S worked it out so that he graduated in 3 years to save on tuition, D2 has taken on several part time jobs to cover additional expenses, D3 chose the school that gave her a full scholarship instead of the more expensive prestigious option. They have different personalities, different levels of debt, different types of schools…and we love them each individually…</p>
<p>That is the point,romani. Many families/most families do not have the resources to put numerous kids through expensive schools. Have seen more than once the older “golden child” go to the private and then the younger has more limited options. One of older son’s friends would joke that his older sibling was going to “insert expensive private” so he knew he would be going to “insert state school.” It came to pass and I have seen this scenario play out more than people may admit.</p>
<p>^ I said as long as the younger child didn’t give up the dream expensive school- ie they legitimately WANT to go to a state school. Our scenarios are different.</p>
<p>I may have missed it-You did not clarify that the younger sibling would want to go to a state school. Hey, both of my kids are state school kids so I have no problem thinking that may be a great/best choice for lots of kids.</p>
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<p>For a more concrete example, you mean something like Kid-1 wants to study communications at NYU, while Kid-2 wants to study math and computer science at (whichever is in-state) Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin, Illinois, Texas, Berkeley, or UCLA?</p>
<p>@sev- Yes, I did. I said provided that the “second child isn’t giving up their “dream” expensive school that the older sib got to go to”. In other words, that was never their dream to give up.</p>
<p>Over the years I have seen & heard many stories. So many families seem to have one kid who never quite gets their act together. One such family I know of gives money to the problem child and sends an equal amount to the siblings. Another family is all about taking care of the screw up kid, buying her a house, remodeling it, etc. Those siblings get annoyed sometimes at being asked to also kick in and help her.</p>
<p>I know a family where the grandparents gave a pretty good college fund to each sibling to be used towards the grandkids education, one family did that, the other family has had both of their kids attend one year of college and that is it and those parents are keeping that ‘extra money’ I am not sure what the grandparents think about that.</p>
<p>We told our kids that up to the amount of the state flagship, we would pay, any loans would be on us. If they got any merit awards, great, that reduced what we spent, but did not give them more. They graduated debt free (we had debt on their behalf), we also told them grad school was on them, but I know we hope to help pay off some amount of loans, not sure how much, not sure when, not sure how to equalize it, but we’ll figure that out once we pay off the UG loans and have any money with which to help. I rather think that I will help them equally, not worrying about the amounts of loans or potential income, but we will see what happens when it becomes reality.</p>
<p>I cant figure out how to post my own thread</p>
<p>pudge, there’s a button at the top left hand side of the page when you’re in a forum (but not in a thread). It says “New Thread.”</p>
<p>I think this discussion is fascinating, especially in light of all the information that’s out there now for the thousands of high level colleges and universities worldwide that are offering undergraduate and graduate degree programs tuition-free. My sister has two kids, one who finished a Cal-state school with about 60k of debt, and the other who is about to begin their undergrad at a top-notch school, overseas, that is 100% free and where courses are taught in English. The disparity in the end-of-college debt hasn’t come up (that I’ve heard of) but I imagine it’ll be something they’ll have to discuss. It’s amazing to me now the options kids and adults have to go to college for free or a graduate university for free.</p>
<p>My older brother went to an academy. I went to an Ivy with student debt and jobs, but my parents did pay about half. My parents essentially made up the difference with a graduation car for him, the very valuable family ring for the future sister in law, and quite a bit of assistance (housing and some expenses) when he transitioned from the Navy to his civilian career. It was never specifically discussed, but it just worked out fairly evenly that way. Both of us got a great education and felt support from the parents. Our kids will each get 4 years at the best school they get into. Thankfully, both are good students and appreciate (or will) the educational opportunity. I am sure it won’t be exactly equal, but we feel it is generous and “equal in intent/effect.”</p>
<p>Would any of you make the child that picked a more expensive school than a sibling, pay you the difference (beyond the agreed-to loans)? Why, then, do parents feel obligated to pay exactly the same. It is not possible and, IMHO, not necessary.</p>
<p>In our case, my kids are spread out so the cost of the youngest child’s education would be more than oldest, even if the level of loans and merit awards is the same. We won’t charge him the difference or give the oldest the difference. Thus, if it ends up costing a bit less, we get to keep a bit more of our hard-earned money, and are not obligated to make things equal.</p>
<p>Our oldest started college when times were good. He went to a private college with a very nice merit package that only required him to take the Stafford loans. Middle child had the choice between private with loans or public loan-free. He chose the public school, for a variety of reasons. For him, it means no loans (assuming he finishes in 4 (or 4.5) years) and less pressure to earn money during the summer or at school. We would probably be willing to pay for a summer experience or have him do an unpaid summer internship. </p>
<p>If he had selected the private school, it would have cost us more than older child’s school due to less aid and to the increase in tuition over the last few years. We were willing to do so, although it would have been tough. We would not have charged him more, nor would we have given the oldest the difference. Similarly, we do not “owe” son2 the difference between the COA of the private and public. That is our money. Son2 gets the benefits outlined above (and perhaps some help with a car or with grad school if needed. </p>
<p>As for the OP, if you did not allow your first child to go to a less expensive school or did not give them correct information about what the loans would mean, you may want to help re-pay. If your child chose this school, aware of the loans, he should re-pay (and you can help if you are able to). If the cost is a huge problem, he may want to look into a transfer.</p>
<p>It can never be fair, and if college costs are the only part of the equation, they’d have to go to the same college at the same time and take the same program to be equal.</p>
<p>Things like living at home in the summer and after graduation rent-free (as in my family), helping out with buying a car or house, and helping if a business fails can end up making up the difference. Some kids get no help from their parents, so any child should be grateful for what is paid for, it’s not something owed.</p>
<p>“It can never be fair…” - Very true.</p>
<p>The key is for parents to try to do the best they can in the family’s particular circumstances. When child #1 selects college, to the best of their ability at the time they need to plot out the long term plan for younger siblings too. I cringe when I hear about parents that are borrowing against the house… and it’s for child #1… with no thoughts to long term plans for other kids.</p>