i’ve never posted on this forum before, so forgive me if i’m doing this all wrong/posting this in the wrong place.
my mom wants me to go to a school 30 minutes north of my house, and i’m not interested at all. it’s a smaller school and, although it does have it’s upsides, it doesn’t have much to offer in terms of what i’m seeking. it has a 96.5% acceptance rate and doesn’t have anything prestigious about it, especially in my area of study. it doesn’t even have a football team! most of the people who go there are people who moved up from my county and just went there as a default. i really want to go to a larger university that is close to 4 hours south of me. i just found out today that i’ve been accepted, and no matter which school i end up attending, i need to confirm acceptance and get on the ball ASAP so that i can get my housing situation and etc. i have a few childhood friends that go there as well as my boyfriend (he does not affect my decision at all. he will be graduating early a semester after i begin there anyways). in order. this school is beautiful and academically challenging and offers everything i could ever dream of. i’ve been accepted to both schools, and my school of choice is actually $5k less expensive (per year). how can i convince my mom to let me go to the school of my choice?
Your explanation above is thoughtful and logical. I suggest you prepare a pro/ con list for each school, and a worksheet of the costs and fInancial aid packages to make sure you are not missing any information. (For example, students sometimes count work study awards but that money must be earned during the year and is mostly used for incidentals.)
With this information in hand, you can show her that you have given both schools much thought and find out what other concerns she has. She may be thinking that it is good for you to be closer but not understand that the other school is stronger and cheaper.
First thing to consider: Is this school affordable for your family?
If so, then does it provide your major?
These are the most important things.
I would not mention friends/boyfriends/football when talking about the choices.
I would talk about your major, % of students graduating, job placements, faculty student ratio.
OPer - did your mom expect you would live at home if you go to the closer school?
Is the 4 hour away school cheaper even with housing? Or were you going to live on campus either way?
Yes, I also think the housing (which may be $10-12k alone) may be what is driving this.
thanks for your replies. my mom wanted me to live on campus either way. the school that’s closer charges 7400 a year for housing and another 4280 for their meal plan. my college of choice is 6000 for housing and 3700 for their top meal plan which actually has way more options than the other school offers. the schools cost within $1000 of each other (while one is less expensive, it does make up for it in fees and other things), so it’s not a financial thing. my mom is/always has been controlling, and since she didnt go to college herself, she is trying to live vicariously through me by forcing this upon me.
OK, so the cost is the same.
Why does your mom say she wants you at the closer one? Because it’s closer or something else? Have you asked her, respectfully, what her thinking is?
Can you go on your own?
Without her approval?
she wants me to go there because for some reason all of the sudden she became obsessed with the idea of me going to a small college. i think she also wants me to be close to home, but i visit my friends at my college of choice frequently and while it’s a little bit of a drive, i would still come home to visit.
I would not mention the football team, the “prestige factor”, or friends attending…if I were you. As a parent…none of those things would be compelling reasons to choose a college.
What is this special major? Perhaps you need to focus on the ACADEMIC opportunities the less expensive college (your choice one…right) has available for you.
there are certain things of that sort that i won’t mention to her. when talking to her about things like this i always go in headfirst with the logical reasons, BUT, because she missed out on college and regrets it, she’d very adamant that i go somewhere where i can have a good social life/attend football games/etc. that’s the only reason i’d bring it up. if i’m honest, she’s seems to be more concerned about that stuff that the actual academics because after a few google searches it became apparent to me that they were much better at the school that i like. it’s hard to miss. she never checks her facts about things and just says “it’s a great school!” and when i show her evidence that suggests otherwise, she gets upset or just ignores me totally.
I would double check that on campus housing is actually in her plan. I see around me that a lot of seniors really think one thing when their parents know another. Also you don't have to be on any balls, acceptance date is may 1st, housing deposits are separate from that. You can pay that yourself if you feel the pressure but ultimately this is your parents paying. If you have this discussion, drop triggers like football, boyfriend, prestige.
If you don’t need her money, you do you.
I believe it’s her choice because it’s HER CHOICE: it’s where she would want to go. She’d be living vicariously through you. She’s already made up her mind. So any evidence you show to the contrary, she’s going to dismiss.
You need someone else in your corner, if the school is what you say it is.
Do you have an aunt or guidance counselor that would be willing to talk to your mom?
What does dad say?
sadly, that’s exactly the case. my dad is not in the picture, and my guidance counselor at school is really rude and is more of a “just clock in and clock out” kind of guy, so i’m out of luck there. i’m extremely close to my grandma who is totally on my side and although she hates the idea of me living so far away, she would vouch for me. i’m not so sure that my mom would listen though.
that’s a good point, but i’m absolutely sure that she wants me to live on campus either way. she has expressed that she thinks it’s “stupid for anyone to live off campus” and also picked out the exact dorm that she wants me to stay in at the closer school.
How is this being paid for? A single mother, no dad? No FA?
i have some grants and also the hope scholarship. i’m up for a scholarship at my school of choice as well, but there aren’t many good fa opportunities through the smaller school. she doesnt see getting additional money as a necessary asset though, for whatever reason.
Which schools are these?
Since you are the student, then I would suggest you take the money and run to your college with Grandma’s blessing. It’s true that you need her information for your FAFSA, but I think once you go to your bigger college and you’re there for year, I think she’ll ease to the idea, that it is your life, not hers.
You’re an adult; however, if you can confront her about her feelings and remind her:
“Mom, remember that this is my life, please let me go where I need to be. I know this is what you want for yourself, and you picture yourself at your school in your dorm, but remember, I am not you.”