<p>Hey all, I'm a senior eagerly awaiting my early action results from Yale this week. I'm thrilled, exited, crazy with anticipation. My mom, on the other hand, is too nervous for me even to talk about it. She honestly has NO idea how to deal if i get rejected... deferral we think we can figure out, and i have the acceptance aspect completely covered... but rejections got her stumped. Im not quite sure how I would deal with rejection, but I'm asking for help with my mom. she knows I posts online here, and she was wondering how people (parental people) deal with rejection. anything you can say to her will be most helpful!! thanks a ton! (and sorry that you had to experience rejection to be able to help me out.)</p>
<p>Hi. I'm the mother of a young lady who applied to her first choice Ivy EA and got deferred. Next, she completed applications to a number of other schools. One day in April, she received rejections from three Ivys - one email after the other. She was stoic about the results, saying, "there's a reason why Harvard is Harvard, and Yale is Yale", etc. She collected the acceptances she did receive, and proceeded to review her options.</p>
<p>As the parent, I was stunned, and hurt. Also angry. Felt insulted. And, I felt guilty. Where did I got wrong? Where was my guidance and support inadequate? How did I fail to put the top schools within her reach? Of course, it was also troubling to see applicants with lower stats and fewer ECs be accepted. She saw this (even though I tried to put a positive spin on it), and said "you're the one who is upset about this - I am not upset. I was not meant to attend these schools, at least not for undergrad, and in any case there is still med school or grad school, so I'll go to one of these other schools where I have been accepted. I still have many choices."</p>
<p>Based on my experience, the best thing a parent can do is not interpret an admissions decision personally - don't associate the rejection with the worth and quality of the student. Instead, move forward to the possibilities - the schools where the student can still apply, or the schools where the student has been accepted. After all, it's a subjective opinion of the admissions committee, not an evidence-based finite judgement of the cummulative worth of the student, either as student, or as a person.</p>
<p>So consider what happens if your son or daughter doesn't go to Yale (great school of course): she may be able to take a walk in the woods whenever she wants; she won't be reminded that there is an emergency police phone every 45 feet; she won't go to bed every night listening to the sounds of fire engines; she may never meet a TA; she may be encouraged, even enabled to spend junior year abroad; she may never see a class with 200 or 300 students; she may not have to walk three quarters of a mile to science class in freezing rain; and then 3/4 of a mile back for her next one; she may not have to compete with graduate students to act in the theater or play in the main orchestra.</p>
<p>The list could go on, but the point is that Yale, like every other school I can name, is no utopia. Depending on the school and the student, you may find that they've done you a great favor.</p>
<p>Latetoschool, I don't think <em>anyone</em>, parent or student, should take a decision as a comment on personal worth.</p>
<p>I like Mini's response--not at all odd, since my D was rejected by Yale and then goes to the same school as his D and plays in the same orchestra. :)</p>
<p>IPO, look at the thread here in the Parents Forum on EA/ED rejection/deferral. Your mom might find it helpful to read it over your shoulder.</p>