<p>oregon, he'll just keep amazing you. Be sure to have some fun along the way.</p>
<p>If she's concerned about the cold, you might want to take a look at Southern California. There are quite a few LAC's there, including the Claremont Colleges. It's really worth a trip to see them; they're quite wonderful. They're each small enough that you can find a group of like-minded friends, but together they offer a lot of diversity.</p>
<p>As a formerly extremely shy person, including in high school, I suggest that you connect your daughter with a therapist or counselor who can help your D develop the social skills to be comfortable with other people.</p>
<p>Shyness is so emotionally painful. It took me until I was in my 30s to really get over it, and that was through a lot of hard work on my part including reading every self help book related to shyness</p>
<p>I don't think it's a good idea to cave into your D's wish not to see a therapist. She probably naively believes that therapists are for "crazy" people, something that I used to believe, too. Truth is, that the healthiest people in our society have seen or are seeing therapists, who can help with a range of problems that normal people have.</p>
<p>Shyness also is something that is fairly easy to treat. Check out the shyness.com web page that was created by Dr. Phillip Zimbardo of Stanford, an expert on shyness.</p>
<p>While girl's colleges may possibly be easier for her to fit into, she probably will want to date guys, and also will need to learn how to relate to males in order to be successful and happy in jobs as well as socially. Consequently, I don't see women's colleges as the perfect way to address her shyness. Instead, I think that counseling along with a relatively small co-ed LAC matching her interests may be a good way to help her.</p>
<p>Do take the time to also search the Internet for info on addressing shyness, and share this info with your D.</p>
<p>You also can find info on other students' and shyness by searching CC's archives.</p>
<p>So soon, As another formerly shy teenage girl (I overcame it in my business persona, but I still dread large social gatherings) I would also recommend the small LAC route for your daughter. I went to a large (really large) state U and although I still received an excellent education, I was paralyzed by the social and academic challenges. </p>
<p>If I could turn the clock back several decades I would have loved to have attended a small LAC like the one my son chose. One of the best aspects of this college, Williams, is the entry system. From day one first years are assigned to a residential group of about 20-25 other first years shepherded by two Junior Advisors. They have a social group for meals, parties, and just hanging out in the common room from the moment they arrive on campus. The first year orientation activities are also an excellent way to meet and bond with other newcomers.</p>
<p>Same goes for interaction with professors -- they were accessible, personal, supportive, friendly -- extraordinarily so.</p>
<p>Williams is a very selective college (in the ivy league league academically) but it's in a very cold climate and attracts a lot of extroverts so it may not be your daughter's ideal destination. I use it as an example of how teaching style, living arrangements and orientation activities can really help to ease the transition from home to college.</p>
<p>Good luck and let us know how she does!</p>
<p>In high school, I was much as you describe your daughter. MIT turned out to be the perfect fit for me. :) Being surrounded by similarly geeky students (many of whom showed up similarly shy and awkward) meant that I had a safe environment to socialize with people who had similar priorities and aspirations to what I did. The choose-your-own-living-group housing system gave me a small community that changed my life.</p>
<p>Not that I am saying she should go to MIT - that may or may not be up her alley - but I think too much focus is being placed in this thread on "she should go to an LAC". I did not consider LACs when I applied to college. I wanted a research university, and I knew that. In particular, I refused to consider any all-women's college, for several reasons, none of which are particularly relevant here.</p>
<p>A LAC (or a women's college) might be the perfect place for her. But it might not be. The key is to find a place where she can feel supported and like she is part of the student culture.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think letting her make all her own decisions, with professional guidance, was so much healthier than saying something like, "You need to stay close" or "you need a small school."
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I mostly agree with this, though I'm not sure about the need for professional guidance - it depends on the family situation.</p>
<p>I have a very introverted (different from shy) daughter. I am the complete extroverted opposite. My mother reminds me that when I went to college at a tiny, midwestern college and my shy brother chose to go to Indiana U/Bloomington, she thought we had it exactly backwards. He thrived as a shy student in the big setting where he just flew below that radar screen very happily. In contrast, my tiny school allowed me, the extrovert, to run every campus organization, take part in student government, arts, etc. to the full extreme. My lesson, I let my D find what just felt right to her on visits to all types and sizes. She picked right down the middle, public, 10,000 students, urban. I hope she is on the right track... but it had to be all her decision. I have my fingers crossed!</p>
<p>I would give myself permission to be very optimistic about your daughter's college experience. My own oldest daughter was rather quiet in middle school - she always had friends but was known as the "quiet one." When she moved to a small private very academic high school, she gradually blossomed socially. It was slow at first but by end of sophomore year she had a good group of friends, a really swell boy friend, and was getting elected to leadership positions in the school (which really shocked us). She also became very active in speech and debate. I would look for a small and intellectually competitive college. These two attributes in my D's high school were wonderful for helping her develop socially. </p>
<p>I really think a great wonderful adventure lies just around the corner for your daughter.</p>
<p>I second the University of chicago suggestion. My daughter, who is in her second year at U of Chicago, was very shy in high school. She did well in group situations, i.e. her choir, but had few outside friends and your daughter sounds a lot like her. Anyway, she has really blossomed at Chicago and is now in three choirs, helps host an on campus concert series and works at the front desk of a faculty/alumnae club. Students are very supportive of each other and there are all kinds of people to meet. She has found herself there, has made several friends who she socializes and goes out with, and is very happy. Also, the dorm she lives in has a house system, so the RA and house master are very supportive, having house socials and mix and mingles, which bring people together. Just a great place for a shy person to develop.</p>
<p>Collegesosoon? the ACT scores are out. log in and take a look :)</p>
<p>I also have one D who is introverted and reserved in social situations and I share your concerns re college size to a degree but I have learned that it's not the size of the college community that matters, it's the size of the community in the college.</p>
<p>From our own search we have found that for example UC Davis with its 30,000 students has an incredibly supportive campus environment. Students are accepting, open, active and friendly which is exactly what i was hoping my D would find. Add in the fact that there will be many many smart students in any class she may find herself in and what looked like a school that was "too big" is now as school that may be "just right"</p>
<p>On the other hand there are some far smaller colleges that don't have the cohesive feel the UCD offers. Students seemed cliquish and kind of high schooly. That's the environment she is trying to avoid.</p>
<p>My advice is to visit as much as you can and to really take your time pouring over the schools' web pages. Use the search features to key in on things that particularly interest your D. When you find a school that you think looks good sign up for their mailing list and share what you learned w/ your D. </p>
<p>Off the top of my head I would suggest looking at Wells since she is willing to travel to NY. It is small, tradition laced mostly female (it just went co-ed a couple of years ago) LAC w/ an excellent reputation and a partnership w/ Cornell.</p>
<p>I would reiterate the theme that your daughter WILL find herself, at least that's what happened to me... I, too, was the quiet one in high school, and I also had a rough time making friends.... I didn't have a difficult time talking to people, but I did have a rough time with branching from "small talk" into friendship territory.</p>
<p>When I started looking for colleges that were a good fit for me, I started out by considering what school would lend itself to me making the most friends. (I was a good student on paper and had relatively run-of-the-mill interests that would be satisfied by any college anywhere in the country). </p>
<p>I noticed that a lot of my high school friends were either a) extremely intelligent and were academic superstars, b) extremely intellectual and saw every movie and read every book, or c) socially awkward/ felt alienated by high school/ danced to the beat of their own drummer. I chose the school where I felt I would meet the highest number of students that would fall into one of those three categories. This was an excellent way for me to make my decision.</p>
<p>I suggest that your D draft a list similar to mine, though it could include other aspects that would make her feel at home and comfortable. (Would she feel comfortable living with a roommate, for example? A lot of schools, like Vassar and Barnard, require a roommate for freshmen, something that was a big turn-off for me). What kind of campus environment would be conducive to her branching out and opening up? Would she like to go to a school where there are lots of parties and socializing, so that she can ride the wave created by other extremely social students, or would she rather be in an environment where more people were like herself? The list of questions one could ask would go on and on.</p>
<p>Reed might be a great place for her. I second the person who said she should look at the Claremont colleges. Pomona might be perfect; it's quite a reach, though.</p>
<p>Pomona accepted 15% this year. Quite a reach for anyone. How about St. John's in Annapolis and Santa Fe?</p>
<p>I appreciate all of the responses. Just a few comments:</p>
<p>ACT scores still not in here. Hopefully Friday. Some of the comments about universities have been especially helpful. I guess my thinking has been that she will be less overwhelmed and more likely to connect with people at a smaller place, but on the other hand it is true that a larger place would might offer a greater chance of meeting people more like her. </p>
<p>On shyness and introversion: I think my D is some of both, and its hard to say sometimes which is driving her behavior. But clearly there are times when she wants to be included in some social thing but cannot overcome her anxiety enough to actually make the first move to participate. Almost all of the social interactions she has are initiated by someone else. I will look at the shyness resources--she reads all the time so I think its quite possible that she would read and think about the topic. If anyone knows of any shyness books that might be particularly helpful, please let me know.</p>
<p>On women's colleges: oddly it is the girls and not the boys (as casual friends) who are a problem, at least right now. She is more likely to have a casual conversation with a boy than with a girl. My sense is that the boys at the school are a more diverse group, with more "nerds" or "geeks" or whatever the appropriate term is. The girls here are much less diverse in terms of what's acceptable--acceptable in terms of appearance and in terms of interests. Girls here start participating in beauty pageants very young, and they have that poised, put-together, I'm-on-display confidence that I think is what my D finds most intimidating. Now I am quite certain that all kinds of girls, and not just the super-confident ones, attend womens' colleges--I just don't know that a womens' college would be especially likely to be a good fit. Not that I would be opposed to it (in fact for other reasons I would actually encourage it) but at least for right now she is says co-ed only.</p>
<p>St. John's is one college she has thought about a little because the brochure they sent her somehow caught her attention. She liked the idea of a great books reading list but did not like the absence of choice in the curriculum. I think the school might get a second look when she is thinking seriously about which schools to apply to. Places like Reed, Grinnell and Swarthmore (and more regional LACs--although then, inthe south, we get the greek issue) are ones that initally I have been thinking would be ebst for her. But as several people have pointed out, it needs to be her decision. I do feel a little better that there is a wide range of kinds of schools that might turn out to be good fits.</p>
<p>Goucher, in the south, has no Greekiness.</p>
<p>The girls at the all-girls schools in the NE tend to be more nerdy, is what I've heard. And also very supportive of each other. Ask mini, a poster here, about Smith. He'll tell you that it's a great place for a shy girl to find her voice. I think geezermom would say the same about Mount Holyoke. These are not schools filled with beauty queens and cheerleaders (nothing wrong with those activities of course)--they are schools for serious students.</p>
<p>Grinnell is where my son is--really great for academically serious students who love their geekiness-- but it's not the south by any means. You can ask me any questions you have about it, here or by pm.</p>
<p>another thought: the honors colleges within larger institutions might be worth thinking about.</p>
<p>mafool - I was thinking the same thing. My daughter's very quiet good friend in high school, who talked little in class but was a very talented student, absolutely thrived at UC Berkeley...talk about a big environment. She was a Regent's Scholar. She graduated at the top of her class at Cal and is a first year med student. The school is large enough that everyone can find a social niche.
Cal isn't an option for your D as you're not a Californian, but I just wanted to point out that in an intellectually challenging college, it's very likely that she will find "her people." :)</p>
<p>Our DDs should "friend" eachother on myspace. They sound sooo similar. Mine isn't fond of the "look at me" dynamic either. She'd rather be stealing the ball from a forward on the soccer field, curled up with a book or on a horse than in front of a mirror or on the phone. She's looking at Scripps...reach, Trinity U, Willamette, Linfield UC Davis and a couple of others which are solid safeties. We have visited all but Trinity and she has found something social she likes in all of them. Namely friendly open people , great outdoor programs and competitive intramurals I think you sound like me...worrying before the fact ;) She will find her people...the type of girls that she doesn't like at her current hs won't be where she is going in such a concentration. Like ASAP said she will find "her people" if she finds a school that meets her needs. Let interest drive her search, not her current social awkwardness and it will work out.</p>
<p>I just read your comments re St. Johns. It intriqued my D for the same reasons. She did want more of a sporty environment than it seemed to off</p>
<p>My D is also shy, and she focused on smaller schools where she would be drawn into the social scene. She ended up at a southern LAC that does have a greek scene, but it's not overwhelming. However, she did not rush. She considered it, but decided she wasn't interested. That has not been an issue for her at all. Her friends aren't greek, either. One thing that helped was her choice to participate in a special freshman program that housed all participants together in one dorm. There were lots of social things for the kids in that dorm to do together. It made for a nice transition to college.</p>
<p>She is transferring to Vanderbilt next fall ... a school that doesn't seem to "fit" for a shy, non partying young woman. However, she is focused on what Vanderbilt can offer for her academically. She is not worried about the social aspect ... she has learned that she will find people like her on campus. She is still shy, but she has gained a sense of self that has made her more confident. </p>
<p>Guide her, but make sure she makes the final decision by herself. I really think that the shy child needs to look inside herself & do what she feels she can handle (although you can certainly let her know that she is capable & deserving of whatever her options may be!).</p>
<p>The only characteristic here has been shyness related. Your D needs to make a list of potential majors and other things that define who she currently is. She needs to research lists of what to look for in a college (SHE, not you) and make lists of her preferences, eg location, size, and a host of other factors. Then she will come up with a list. For example, you're in the deep South, presuming she wants to stay fairly close to home she can research schools in your geographic area which meet some of her other criteria, especially majors offered. Other posters have given school suggestions all over the map, this shows how the shyness issue may be more of a misfit in her HS (as mentioned by someone); therefore you (and she) should not use this as the major reason to select schools. It will be much more useful to know what fields interest her- the math/science person will have different priorities than the strictly humanities person. Your job as her parent is to help provide her with the resources- eg borrow (library) or buy books for her to use. Use this summer to visit colleges, even if they are not in session it's better to start sooner than wait for a busy school year.</p>
<p>College is where basically all stereotypical groups from highschool disappear. Honestly, everyone is so nice (relatively). It's not hard to make friends unless you're creepy/have hygiene issues. I would restrain her from going to some schools with lots of pompous brats. </p>
<p>Going to an all women college might possibly be the worse thing for her, I think. If she is all ready not-so-gregarious, why send her to a place where there are no interactions with the opposite gender? And girls can be really mean.</p>
<p>Tell her to be openminded, try to break out from her shy shell, and be herself. Just saying hello to a random person can lead to friendships. I have done it often myself (usually a classmate in lectures/classes or the bus, and the most social environment, parties). Seriously parents underestimate/overestimate their kids far too often. I have a hallmate, who is a psycho/creepy/smelly, and he has developed several friends. </p>
<p>Honestly college is so social I see it hard not to have friends. Going to a small school also may limit her interactions with different and numerous people. Just my opinion.</p>