<p>Collegesosoon, I just wanted to give a cyberhug. It's hard watching our kids struggle. Best wishes to your d as she embarks on this journey!</p>
<p>Instead of offering a specific college which would be presumptious since I know almost nothing about your daughter, I will give you an anecdote.</p>
<p>A boy in our church youth group seemed very similar to your daughter-unathletic, shy, few close friends but very smart. Yep, he was bookish spending his time after a hard mission project work day reading rather than playing soccer, hanging with other kids or playing cards. He just had trouble fitting in because he was "different".</p>
<p>When he was accepted to JHU I was very happy for him, thinking that he would meet many students who were students first, adolescents second. How right I was. He is now graduated and in med school and had a great experience at Hopkins. </p>
<p>My suggestion is to merely look at colleges which is a strong intellectual fit or even reach, though disappointment with the latter looms. It could be a public university with a strong honors program with honors housing, it could be a private research university with strong academics(think Vandy, JHU, et al) or a LAC with an intellectual bent(think Grinnell, Oberlin).</p>
<p>However not all LAC's will be a fit. Some have a big Greek presence in which social life supposedly revolves around a Greek party scene. Washington and Lee has such a rep, though I have no idea if that is a valid one having never been on that campus. That would probably not be a good fit for her.</p>
<p>Your daughter does seem capable of trying to fit in. She just needs an academic atmosphere where there are many students that share her intellectual interests. And of course wherever she ends up, pray that she gets a good roommate that first year.</p>
<p>Having a big greek presence seriously doesnt mean anything. You can still have friends, you can still hold intellectual conversations, and have fun. Greek parties only happen so much per year. And some of those boys and girls in such greek system are pretty smart too, but i must admit alot of them are the smartest. Alot of famous intellectuals and important figures were in greek systems.</p>
<p>also roommate is semi-important. I hardly hang out with my dumb, spoiled roommate. There are always hall mates too. and classmates.</p>
<p>My S has a friend who is a beautiful, tall, very shy girl. She is in the honors program at a very, very large state university. She's in a sorority and is loving it. She found "her people" in the sorority and is doing very well in school and socially.</p>
<p>My D is also very shy and has found HS daunting. She really wanted a smaller school and will attend a medium sized university in the fall. She finds that it is intimidating to fit in in the social scene in HS where everyone has their perconceived notions of what she is like. But at outside EC's and summer programs, she has no problems finding friends. She decided that it's the HS fault and not her own. </p>
<p>I just wanted to point out that there are more than two paths for your D. If she makes an effort to be outgoing when she starts school, she could be happy at a large, medium or small school. I know from my D, that she grew so much between junior year and graduation and that she will have many options when she gets to college. We went to an open house for her university last weekend and she had so many options of things to do, she might have trouble fitting in school!</p>
<p>I heard Brandeis is good. No Greek scene, lots of serious students and small enough so that you don't get lost and big enough so there is diversity in student population. I have friends that have kids there. Very happy and all over the board in interest (sciences and liberal arts types).</p>
<p>A Greek scene is not necessarily a kiss of death. Some places have individual fraternities and sororities that cater to the shy, geeky type.</p>
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The girls at the all-girls schools in the NE tend to be more nerdy, is what I've heard.
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<p>Maybe some of them. But one of my close friends (who is now a grad student in astrophysics) was at an all-women's school in the NE, and while the academics were great for her, she was really unhappy with the social scene, with the lack of nerdiness. She had a few friends of similar mind at her own school, mostly the Science Center crowd, but she still felt highly alienated from the general school culture. She spent most of her free time hanging out with us (where "us" is the MIT east side uber-geek crowd). She almost transferred, but decided that the close-knit department and faculty mentorship were good enough to stay for, since she could continue to hang out with us socially.</p>
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On women's colleges: oddly it is the girls and not the boys (as casual friends) who are a problem, at least right now.
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<p>Not odd at all. It was the same for me. And I didn't go to any schools where beauty pageants were a popular activity. :)</p>
<p>As a couple of the other posters have suggested, I would not let your daughter's shyness determine the direction of the college search in the same way that I wouldn't let a kid with food allergies pick a school solely on the basis of the positive interactions with the college dietician. There are shy kids and introverted kids and borderline asperger's kids at virtually every college in the country. Your job is to help her maximize her potential, not to limit it, based on your perceptions of how handicapped her social anxiety will make her.</p>
<p>If it were my child, I'd haul out the big Princeton Review book and start checking off schools that look interesting. You'll probably end up with about 80 that seem sort of cool based on geography, the description of academic offerings, etc. She can then sort through that 80 or so by going online and researching the college's own website and reading the online reviews to come up with a list of 20 or so that seem like possibilities based on finances, admissions odds, ease of transportation home, etc.</p>
<p>I'd try and help her visit them with an open mind. There may be some schools where the "everyone here is a leader and extrovert" reputation are just too daunting (when we visited Harvard the testosterone... even among the women... was really palpable-- not to knock Harvard, but it does seem to love its outgoing, hard-charging vibe!). Some other schools may seem too dull and sleepy although not socially daunting. </p>
<p>In the end, I want to reassure you that she will find her people. Even the most shy, awkward kid can find a place in the sun.... and perhaps if she gets out of the deep south she may come to value many of the qualities she has that make her a bit of an oddball. We visited many colleges where it appeared that most of the women students did not own a hairbrush... or if they did, they weren't taught how to actually use one. These young women were leaders, followers, high achievers, brilliant debaters and orators, poets, athletes, editors, artists-- you name it. They just weren't terribly well groomed and it didn't seem like anyone cared.</p>
<p>I would encourage her to keep at least a few all women's colleges on the list just to see what the vibe is like. If she thinks a place like Bryn Mawr is going to feel like a HS cafeteria she will be hugely surprised- the women there are politically active, intellectually engaged, encouraged to reach for the stars professionally, etc-- but it's no beauty pageant, and the HS rules about the Queen Bee based on social skills and physical attraction have been tossed out the window.</p>
<p>CollegeSoSoon, as I was reading your OP I kept thinking Agnes Scott. Cur beat me to it in his very first response! I do think the women's colleges may be good fits.</p>
<p>I am concerned about your daughter's circumstances right now since another year of high school may seem like an eternity if she is unhappy. My D went through a depressed and suicidal period a few years ago although it sounds like my D was a lot more vocal to all those around her about her unhappiness. Her main problem was feeling like she wasn't intellectually stimulated in her old school. </p>
<p>She switched to a private high school with a flexbile modular schedule that is more challenging and where everyone is headed for college. But I think what made the most difference was going to a six-week summer math camp and then getting involved in math contests. She isn't a world champion at math but she felt really comfortable with the kids she met at math camp. The older campers are now in college and have been a tremendous help in giving her advice about colleges. </p>
<p>Perhaps your D could go to a challenging academic camp this summer or take advanced courses online or at a nearby university. My D also enjoys entering contests so is planning to do some such as Scholastic writing awards. </p>
<p>When my daughter was depressed we did go to a psychiatrist at a nearby medical school (her school counselor pretty much insisted on it). She only went to sessions for a few months and took medication for a month or two. The changes she made in her academic situation made most of the difference. The psychiatrist did help a lot though in helping her identify what was making her unahappy. </p>
<p>Good luck. You have gotten lots of great suggestions here.</p>
<p>Collegeso - she needs to get out and visit schools. Try to get her to visit a few while students are still present, even if means visits next fall. Be sensitive to her impressions, how comfortable she feels, is more important than what we think, even though like many others, I would say a LAC might be a good choice for her.</p>
<p>My Deep South daughter had few friends in high school, although it was not from excessive shyness, more from lack of common interests. She learned that college is a good time to reinvent yourself. She is not a social butterfly, that isn't her style, but she has a nice circle of friends now. She is also an officer in her sorority, and this is a girl who first started selecting colleges based on the lack of Greek life. Truth is, they can be happy in many different settings, and the best indicator of future happiness is how they "feel" about the school, because much of the happiness comes from how they adapt to the school - if they don't like it, they WON'T like it, no matter how well the college appears to fit on paper.</p>
<p>One last caveat from someone who feels as if she saw every selective LAC on the Eastern seaboard. Size does matter in that LACs have definite personalities, and it is a little harder, not impossible, but harder, to find your people if you don't fit the general culture of the LAC vs a larger university. Visiting, fit, and prospective major (will you run out of classes) is more of an issue with LACs than with unis.</p>
<p>My daughter also went to a summer program, and blossomed, although she eliminated the summer program college after staying there for 6 weeks. A big issue for her was that she had been at that point, 10 years with the same small group of kids (130 in her graduating class), they had her pegged as one person, and she had no freedom to try to be someone else or different. When her last clsoe friend moved away in tenth grade, she felt like she was marking time socially until graduation.</p>
<p>You'd be surprised how many kids see college as a chance to completely re-invente themselves. Not to say that she should aim for Santa Cruz (AKA Party central, USA) but if she feels up for it, she might fit at any number of schools.</p>
<p>I had a floor mate my freshman year who was the biggest social butterfly you could imagine. Within two weeks everyone knew him - and me by extension. After a while he told me that he was actually a pariah in High School and used to get panic attacks just being asked a question in class. He'd lived in his town all his life and had never had a chance to break away from that persona.</p>
<p>^^^ uhhh...I was a shy kid too. I attended UCSC and I think it did wonders for my ability to grow out of my awkwardness. In addition, check your facts. UCSC is not credited with being the biggest party school in the UC system or in the nation. In fact it doesn't even make that list: </p>
<p>Top</a> 10 Party Colleges - MSN Encarta</p>
<p>Santa Cruz has all types. Partiers and non-partiers are welcomed and embraced your implication is unfair and inaccurate.</p>
<p>Sigh,</p>
<p>This was an "opinion" post, my dear. Not based on facts or statistics....just on my past experiences and the schools I've experienced. Santa Cruz was by far the most party-oriented. </p>
<p>My "implications" as you say, are perfectly well grounded.</p>
<p>I'm not a parent. I am an extremely introverted (diagnosed with mild Asperger's, actually) student currently finishing up my junior year at Scripps. I hope that the parents here don't mind my talking about my experiences a bit. My experience at Scripps has been fabulous academically. Socially, there have been ups and downs, but I was able to make friends during my first year and I would probably be closer to them now if I were better at maintaining social relations. I have a boyfriend who I'll probably marry someday. My parents agreed to pay more money for Scripps specifically because my second choice was a large state school and they felt I would not do as well there. I think it was the right choice, even though I'm going to be in debt because of it. I feel like I would have been absolutely lost at a larger school. The small, all-women's environment is much more comfortable and less intimidating. In high school I was often more quiet in class, but when you're put in seminar-sized classes from your first semester on, and many of those classes are all-women, you get used to talking quite a bit, about things you're passionate about. You can form personal relationships with faculty as well--which I know I would not have done at a larger school. My department has five permanent faculty members and about 10-11 majors in my year! The individual attention is invaluable.</p>
<p>I've attended both co-ed and all-women (or mostly women) classes. I believe that there is value in the all-women's environment, and that it can often be a more comfortable place for young women to learn and form social relationships.</p>
<p>history mom, those are not the top party schools to people who go to colleges, exception of wvu but honestly, wvu is the easiest school to get into. Pennstate is pretty good too.</p>