<p>For the schools we were serious about, I read the Student Handbook. Most schools post them on their website. You might be surprised to read how different schools can be regarding dress codes, bedtimes, academic support, parietal visits (opposite sex allowed in bedrooms) etc. I think you can get a feel about the overall ethos of each place by reading that handbook. Obviously, we can’t know how strictly things are enforced by reading, but you might see if your expectations and values match…</p>
<p>@ GMT, I posted the list because we had observed all of those items at some schools. Simply eye-opening. VISIT VISIT VISIT.</p>
<p>@classicalmama – thank you! I didn’t realize I was being vague. I should probably do a search on the word “nurturing” in previous threads. I’ll save that for my late-night CC surfing. :)</p>
<p>I think @soxmom hit the nail on the head. I’m looking for schools that do not fit the “sink or swim” bill, and the idea to look at the rules for 9th and 10th graders, as opposed to 11th and 12th graders, is a great one.</p>
<p>And thank you @london203 – I will definitely check out the student handbooks for each school. </p>
<p>I guess I’m at the point right now where I’m taking a deeper look under the hood, as opposed to in March when emotions will be high and time will be an even greater factor than it is now.</p>
<p>keep in mind u get another chance at Revisit Day to address cultural fit</p>
<p>One of mine needs a “nurturing” environment right now, one is eager to “swim or sink.” What’s a mama to do?? :-)</p>
<p>Some other ideas fro getting a better feel for a school: Attend a home sporting event and plunk yourself right down in the parent section. Some schools will extend invitations to attend alumni events, and other all-school event to families who are in the applicant pool. Go! Attend a play or holiday concert at a potential school. In all these scenarios you will be able to get good glimpses of the genuine culture of the place–and may end up having some good conversations, too.</p>
<p>@twinsmama
In order to have your kids at the same school, you would go with a more nurturing non-type-A school. It would give D what she needs and S would still be able to forge ahead. All good BS allow for and encourage students to push their limits.</p>
<p>While one child may want to go with the flow, the other would have opportunities for leadership, independent projects, etc. This should be a topic you discuss with each school, giving them the opportunity to describe how they can (or maybe cannot) meet each child’s needs.</p>
<p>You/your children can still be showcasing all that you/they would be bringing to the school, with the caveat, can each child flourish at that school?</p>
<p>Regarding soxmom’s post #18, I agree that SPS is very different from Groton in terms of structure and its philosophy of “freedom with responsibility”. I would not characterize SPS as a sink or swim school, however. There are safety nets in place. For example, a student will be placed in study hall if they slip academically, or parents can work with their child’s advisor to request study hall for their child if that is their preference. </p>
<p>Personally, I like vertical integration in the dorms. New students learn a lot from the older students. I doubt you will find “older kids goofing around more in the evenings”. In fact, usually the opposite is true. The workload steps up each year and the older kids have figured out how to buckle down and get their work done. Between the notoriously difficult 5th form (11th grade) and 6th formers (12th) pursuing a good transcript for senior fall term and working on college applications, it is the older students setting a studious tone. If anything, they will be asking the new students to knock it off and keep it down as so they can focus on their own work. They are also available to give advice to new students, whether its academic or social. My child has provided a listening ear and words of wisdom to kids having dating issues, friendship issues, concerns about being cut from the varsity team, etc. My kid provides advice on course selection, study habits, proofreads essays, helps with that difficult math problem…often at an hour or on a subject where a young student feels more comfortable approaching an admired upper former than a teacher or an advisor. My kid is the one who is going to sell your kid a used text book at the end of the year for 1/5 of what it would cost to buy a used one at the bookstore. 
Integrating the dorms across age groups helps promote social interaction and fosters a close-knit community not bound by age or grade level. In my opinion, it works very well. </p>
<p>If anyone is interested in SPS, feel free to ask questions here or by PM and I will answer honestly about my own family’s experiences. No school is perfect and no high school student sails perfectly through their 4 years. Experiences will vary depending on the student and family’s interests and personality.</p>
<p>One good way to assess the “culture” of a school is to ask lots of questions to the student tour guide when you visit. Going straight to the source is a perfect way to find out what life at the school is like. Don’t be afraid to ask any questions that come into your head, and if the student is hesitant about answering, that may mean they are hiding something and hence be a red flag.</p>
<p>The Andover admissions website allows you to e-mail current students and read and post on their blogs. Check out other schools’ sites, as they may have similar options.</p>
<p>I also agree with the poster who suggested reading the school newspaper; especially the editorials and letters to the editor. This will give you insight into so many aspects of the school, from student-faculty relations to how the food is in the dining hall.</p>
<p>Absolutely +1 on creative1 about the value of vertical integration and the level of nurturing at SPS. </p>
<p>This fall we were going over my DD’s teachers comments with her adviser, who is a math teacher. DD’s humanities teacher had all sorts of terrific things to say about the quality of her work, but the point that the adviser kept emphasizing was what the Hum teacher said about DD’s kindness in class (adviser’s comment was something along the lines of “this is the part that I would highlight and hang on the fridge”). There is a tremendous emphasis on kindness at SPS at the moment, to the extent that the administration is working hard to change the dynamic between upperclassmen and underclassmen. </p>
<p>Getting back to the original post, it can be hard to tease out the “culture” of a school because it’s multilayered and expressed in so many ways. We saw very distinct differences across the schools we visited and whether the impressions were accurate as a generalization is moot - they were the impressions about how our daughter and our family would interact in any individual school.</p>
<p>I’m glad a couple of you have posted touting the benefits of vertical integration in the dorms. Coincidentally (i.e., not prompted by this thread), I was reading the Hotchkiss school newspaper last night and learned that the school is going to vertical integration next year as a temporary measure – one of the larger dorms is being torn down after this year and a new one built in its place, so the school has to come up with some workarounds for dorm space for the next two years. Possible that they’ll stay with vertical integration after this temporary measure if they think it works well. I’d previously been not a big fan of vertical integration, but I’m glad to see that there are parents here who think it’s a plus.</p>
<p>Lots of great ideas on this thread to ferret out school culture; I emphasize post #26. It’s hard to take time off for tours and interviews, but we put a premium on extending the campus experience. In particular, we spent time that was not part of the formal tour/interview. This usually entailed going to a game, watching a concert or doing something where we could see the kids interact - unvarnished. This had a big impact on my son and us. It ruled out one of the large HADES almost immediately and elevated another from back in the pack to second choice.</p>
<p>@alooknac, Sound advice and I do agree. My husband may not. Too many opinions in our family. </p>
<p>I do hope we have options and revisits. Our time for initial visits has been scant, and not only are we making decisions about where to apply without being able to assess certain aspects of the schools, but the assessments we do make may be faulty. I’m learning a lot from all of you, though.</p>