<p>"Does it get any better when they've graduated and are out on their own?"</p>
<p>Well, one is on border patrol in the desert and calls all the time since he gets bored. He never called when in school so that is a change. The other one never calls, doesn't answer the phone or email, did not even call when his sister told him too on his facebook page. He moved out to Denver with his SO and is occupied with that and on line games. We know he is alive since his sister tells us his away message changes. He hasn't changed a bit.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I have two friends with daughters that called every day. Sometimes .....several times a day. One came home after one semester. The other has been at school a week and is angling to come home. So I'm thinking if I don't hear anything thats good.
[/quote]
Good point, UCDAlum. We need to keep this thread fair and balanced :). Your post reminds me of my friend who is the MOD (mother of daughters). Her youngest calls regularly to keep her up to date on <em>everything.</em> When she told me of the 3 am calls with "too much information" which prevented her from sleeping for the balance of the night, I realized I should count my blessings ;). I guess I just need occasional reminders of the alternative to the Cone of Silence.</p>
<p>One thing to remember, and I tell you why at the end, is never end a call without "I love you". Never worry about how much you call your kids. Never.
Don't let anybody (even them) tell you different. Never end a call angry.</p>
<p>I was at a rosary mass for the 19 year old son of a friend from soccer. A jealous 18 bf shot him in the head a couple days ago, snuffing out the life of a nice kid. NEVER worry about how much you call your kids. Never let anybody tell you that it's too much. For three hours last night I watched a dad and mom wish they had one more cell phone call...</p>
<p>
[quote]
In any case, the IM option is a good one. At least you can see when your S or D is online
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Hate to break it to you - my D has 2 IM IDs - her usual one (for when she wants to talk to the general populace - which includes us lowly parents. The other (which we do not know) for when she wants to talk to a select few. Actually I think it a select one - her boyfriend. As they are at the same college that ID is probably not used much. </p>
<p>But she actually called me today which was a nice surprise ;)</p>
<p>I like the idea of sending a card with a check without a check.</p>
<p>I'm here to support the IM idea. Its really useful (especially because overseas calls are not cheap ;)) and I can have it on when for long periods of time so that its bound that sometimes we have it on at the same time (try to live 12 time zone areas away and try to find suitable times to call!) </p>
<p>I'm usually at the library when i chat with my mom and its usually short just entailing a how are you today and a how was that midterm (at Stanford you can always assume the student had a midterm not too long back). Oh and I always end with telling her I love her :)</p>
<p>In a trillion billion years, my sons would never list me as an IM buddy. They have de-listed me in fact. They think it's creepy to have 'mom' as a buddy. Besides, I've always told them they have plenty of friends and only one Mama. Mama on Facebook? Hah! Fuggedabout it!</p>
<p>But they do email. I whinged enough about the proper length of emails that they now write lovely, descriptive emails--emails which are forwarded to the very appreciative extended family. </p>
<p>Since I read that CC chide from the professor who said that moms are interupting intellectual conversations with chit-chat cell phone calls, I've decided to hold off on day-time calls. I don't want to be that mom. I want them to get the full dose of $175K education.</p>
<p>One son is a Skype hound. I leave an email message: "Wah! I wanna Skype Call!!!" A few days later, I get a call. The other one only calls in emergencies or celebration--as in "I have mono" and "I made the Dean's list".</p>
<p>However, (don't shoot me jmmom), both hold hours long conversations with me--sometimes on the phone but especially in person. They should make good husbands in that regard.</p>
<p>Oh, I did/do it all. Lurk online to read the IM away messages. Occasionally initiate an IM exchange. Emails that are answered, but with one-word answers to the questions: "yes. no. not yet" so I have to reread my questions to make sense.... Last year we insisted on once -a-week phone call; it sort of worked.</p>
<p>What works best is text messaging. When I want him to call I have a standard, preset text message that I send to his cell phone: "Call me when you can." He eventually calls.</p>
<p>I guess we are different, but we insist our college kids call every Sunday. They pick the time to call, when not too busy, and we chat for a decent amount of time to catch up on the week's news. A good time is had by all. It just never has been an issue.</p>
<p>I agree with mafool that sending a text message with a request to call at their convenience generally works pretty well with my S. Quite often he will call immediately. Last year we did have a grandparent in very ill health, so if I asked him to call, he was pretty quick to respond.</p>
<p>Speaking of the devil, DS has been up and down the stairs numerous times this evening. Initiating a "conversation" each time. A la "which car are we taking tomorrow [family visit]? "how long are you guys [us parents] staying in Baltimore [school drop-off and visit friends]?" If my answers exceed some known-only-to-him word limit, I am cut off with a smiling "OK, got it" and the sound of his feet clomping back down the stairs.</p>
<p>I guess the extended conversation at dinner over the various types of sushi/maki at table wore him right out.</p>
<p>I got a phone call from my D early this morning to tell me she got a job on campus - good job, good pay. I congratulated her and told her that I couldn't talk because I was in a meeting.</p>
<p>In the afternoon, I was at a major presentation (I was doing the presentation). My personal phone went off, I saw it was my D calling, I turned it off. Of course as soon as I turned my phone off, she would figure out to call my Blackberry. At that point it was a bit embarrassing. Everyone in the room said, "If it's important, why don't you pick it up." She wanted to tell me that her work schedule conflicted with her class schedule. I told her to forget about the job and do not get stressed out about it. Everyone listened to my conversation with my D, and they all wanted to know how she's doing in school.</p>
<p>I got home tonight and thought I would call her to follow up on our short conversations today (she sounded like she wanted to talk). She said to me, "You know today was just a bit unusual, but you can't be talking to me 2 or 3 times a day."!!!!</p>
<p>Opie,
Sorry about the loss. Several months ago I posted something similar. After attending the funeral of a young person, one gains perpective about the actions of one's own children. They are still so young, and have time to improve their skills in communication and planning.</p>
<p>But jmmom, cheers has that rare species, the Verbal Boy. You have the Engineering Boy. </p>
<p>I worked with one brilliant engineer. A "topper", meaning graduated top of all kids his year at IIT (Indian Institute of Technology). Spoke only as completely necessary. I once asked him if he had ever counted the total number of words he said in one day. He said his wife had asked him the same question. I said, well, at least what you say is to the point and very clear. And he said, please tell my wife that...</p>
<p>I don't think that having a once a week conversation with the people that raised you is too much to ask of adult children</p>
<p>its doesn't have to be more than 5 minutes, but to not call for weeks on end is forgetting the people that cared for you, fed you, drove you everyhwhere, bought you things, took care of you when you were sick and got you to the place where you are</p>
<p>to ignore parents like that is cold and heartless, doesn't matter how "busy" you are</p>
<p>a simple- "mom can't talk long, but love you and everything is going great" is something a mature young man can do, to forget those people that did so much for them is just not right, especially in the beginning of college</p>
<p>do these young adults think its too much to ask to let mom and dad know how its going? </p>
<p>My H calls his mom in Ireland at least 3 times a month, as do her other children, so she hears from somebody all the time</p>
<p>Boy, this thread is a relief. I thought all daughters were better communicators. I thought it was only sons that didn't call. D is a sophomore this year. Last year we heard from her, maybe 3 times a month. She was not great at email, but IM worked better. Phone calls did last 30-60 minutes!
We felt like we had to give her space and take her lead.</p>
<p>Home this summer, D says to me "Mom, it really is ok for YOU to call ME!"
Wow! Was I ever surprised. I will take her up on this. She has a seperate ring tone for me, so I guess if she can't/doesn't want to talk, she won't answer.</p>
<p>My sense is that during the first year, there was a need on S's part to establish that separation from parents/home. He wasn't nasty about it, he would call when asked to, but he seldom had much to say, and it felt like he thought it was a task he had to complete before he could go on with his new, real life.</p>
<p>He did surprise me by calling to ask for advice about problems, and then drove me crazy because, once the problem was resolved it would not occur to him to let me know.</p>
<p>Now that he is starting his sophomore year, things seem much more relaxed. We respected his independence and judgment while he was home and also made a point of letting him know that a certain level of communication was an important part of being "family." We'd tell him about our plans, especially if they were out of the ordinary, and asked him to do the same.</p>
<p>So, I think that his year will be easier. He has already called twice since we dropped him off last weekend. he has IMed, and responded immediately to a text request (I had a question about what to do with some financial mail that came to the house).</p>