<p>I'm leaving for college (UC Santa Cruz) in 5 days, and seeing as I'm leaving a week before classes actually start I'm going to have a lot of time to wander around and meet people. However, I tend to get very anxious when I meet people and it leads to me not having a ton of really close friends because I think I pretty much scare everyone away (I've also heard that I'm really intimidating). I really want to make good friends though, because I'm not leaving many behind at home.</p>
<p>Anyone have any tips,advice, or whatever to making new friends when you're shy/anxious on top of transitioning to college? And please don't just say "be yourself" or "calm down", because I've tried, and being myself is the problem.</p>
<p>I was saying that being myself- socially anxious- is the problem. I know who I am, but if I don’t try anything different I’m not going to make friends casually.</p>
<p>I know how you feel. I am a very sociable, bubbly type person. I do lots of public speaking, I have excellent communication skills, I have oodles of leadership experience and everyone assumes I make friends super easy. But really I am a pretty shy person, but a lot of the time I come off as unapproachable because of the shy/excellent public speaker mix. I think people assume that since I should be comfortable talking to them, that if I am not talking to them I don’t want to be talking to them. But the truth is I am way too anxious to just go make friends with people. </p>
<p>I started high school not knowing anyone and hated my freshman year, but by the fall of my sophomore year I had met a lot of people and made a few good friends, by the time I graduated I had too many friends. lol. </p>
<p>Same with college, I had a really hard time making friends my sophomore year. The friends I did make approached me first. </p>
<p>So my advice is… step out of your boundaries and just start talking to people, join a club, meander down your hall, form a study group. Meet as many people as you can. And remember that those other freshman are probably shy and anxious about making friends too, so just be yourself and don’t stress about it. It might seem hard at first, but eventually you will get more confident.</p>
<p>My advice is to not come off too strong or eager to someone. I keep running into those really eager “I have to make friends or else I’ll die” type people and I tend to stay away from them. They’re kind of creepy actually.</p>
<p>You should try to join some activities or attend events. Make an effort to talk to people…but please don’t jump them with giggles and smiles and then randomly scream out “Will you be my friend???”</p>
<p>One of the best coping skills for this is to find things you like to do, ie joining the outdoor adventure group, or a club of some sort, going to all the scheduled activities on campus with someone or other, just to be seen as someone who is around. Get people’s cell numbers and text them “what are you up to tonight?” Find interesting events, where you won’t be under a tremendous amount of stress to do all the talking, concerts, plays, etc… and inviting people to come along. Doing things is really the key to interacting with social anxiety. Over time you will have a lot in common and it will be easy to talk. If you find you are having real difficulties with this, go see a counselor. Sometimes you might need a little extra help with it, and that’s fine. You’d be surprised by the number of people who get a little help with that kind of thing from time to time. Good luck. I’m sure you will be pleasantly surprised. Everyone will be new and everyone will be looking for new friends.</p>
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[QUOTE=<em>Steph</em>]
I think people assume that since I should be comfortable talking to them, that if I am not talking to them I don’t want to be talking to them. But the truth is I am way too anxious to just go make friends with people.
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<p>Steph, it happens to everyone. People assume too much. The problem is not you.</p>
<p>But that is the problem isn’t it? People DO assume too much, and it makes things harder for everyone.</p>
<p>I kind of thought meeting people in college would be easy because come on… everyone is moving away from home for the first time in their lives, they don’t know very many people or anyone at all, they are on their own for the first time in their lives… its a hard process. So you would think everyone would be open to getting along and meeting other people. But what I found in my experience atleast, was that everyone was so guarded and so intent on not feeling alone, that they wouldn’t let their guards down to make friends. And then they wondered why they were alone. </p>
<p>People are so guarded in college. So stress to all my incoming freshman friends that they need to remember that pretty much everyother freshman is scared and lonely at first. And some adjust in 6 hours, some adjust in a year or two. Its completely normal. </p>
<p>Just remember that college is supposed to be the best time of your life. Don’t get wrapped up in being scared or worrying about who likes you or not. Live it up.</p>
<p>hey mmc314 i’m leaving for santa cruz too in a few days. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I think you should just be optimistic and chill out. if you go in with a good attitude i’m sure you’ll make friends easily.</p>
<p>Just remember everybody feels the same as you do and is just as eager to make friends.
and hey what college are you in? i’m in merrill</p>
<p>I was terrified that I wouldn’t have anyone to hang out with while in college but everything worked out :). I ended up on a really great hall with a lot of really great people…</p>
<p>I’m not exactly shy but I too have a hard time connecting with people. I’m very independent; I don’t have a problem walking around by myself while others are always in groups. I get a little lonely sometimes though…but I’m going to use this as a learning experience. Part of my college goals includes being able to communicate better with other people…and it’s already starting and progressing :). I’m so happyyyyy - which is unusual for me haha.</p>
<p>I’m socially anxious, as well, so I sympathize with the inability to “be yourself” or “calm down”. </p>
<p>I second the joining groups/clubs idea, because you’ll meet people who you have similarities with, and the subject of the group/club will give you something to talk about initially. </p>
<p>Try going to some things that you’re not interested in, because you might meet other people who aren’t interested either. I don’t know what the chances of that happening are, but I met my first college friends when I went to a “casino night” thing that was part of orientation, even though I wasn’t interested in playing the games. Some other people who weren’t interested in playing them sat down at the table I was at (eating refreshments), and we ended up talking and having a lot in common.</p>
<p>Try to make a lot of acquaintances; even if you don’t become friends with them, they’ll have friends/acquaintances that you might end up being good friends with.</p>