<p>Honestly, I think I have social anxiety disorder or something. I was never really the outgoing type and this whole summer, I've been really trying to change my personality and myself to act more outgoing and just "out there". </p>
<p>I'm completely different when I am at home compared to when I'm outside of home. At home, I'm all giggly and funny and just bubbly. But outside of that, I'm just so nervous and afraid. I guess it's just that I'm afraid of having people to judge me and not really accept the person I am at home. </p>
<p>And now, since I'll be going to college soon this year in September for the Fall quarter as a freshman ... I'm scared as heck!!!! </p>
<p>How can I deal with this? How can I be myself around people? It's so hard for me to be comfortable...</p>
<p>You don’t need to be super outgoing and sociable if that’s not something you’re comfortable with. You can be a bit quiet and still have lots of friends. I think what you need to work on is to just not care about what people think of you. I know it’s easier said than done, but most people are too busy worrying about themselves to sit and analyze everything you do. Just learn to be comfortable with who you are.</p>
<p>To make friends if you’re not the outgoing type, in college you just need to try new things. If people invite you to hang out and do stuff, say yes. Don’t decline unless you are seriously uncomfortable with it. Always show that you are interested in what other people have to say and just make yourself seem friendly and open. People will naturally want to be around you if you come across as inviting.</p>
<p>I’m a lot like you in the sense that I’m outgoing with my friends but tend to be quiet around others. It’s not really something that you can change exactly, but I think with time you just figure out ways to deal with it or get comfortable with it. I know a lot of people with that sort of personality who got a lot better at handling talking to random people or just not caring so much about what other people think, just by getting older and going through college.</p>
<p>My advice is to just put yourself in situations where you have to interact with other people. It’ll help you figure out ways to decrease your anxiety (or you’ll just get desensitized to it), and it’ll help you meet new people. I would recommend things like joining an organization you’re interested in, doing a rec class or something similar, studying in public places or common areas instead of in your room, or getting a job where you will work with other students.</p>
<p>Getting a job and tutoring were what really helped me get much more comfortable with myself and stop worrying so much about what other people think. It’ll be different for everyone, but sometimes just time and experience will make it better.</p>
<p>I’m also uncomfortable around new people (I’m very much like you - I’m pretty loud around close friends and family but I barely talk around people I don’t know) and my first few weeks of college were tough, so here are some things that I think I could have done better. First and most important, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I was also hoping to become more outgoing in college, but what I’ve realized since then is that being shy (and/or having some social anxiety) is not a personality flaw that I needed to fix; it’s an important part of my identity. It’s not something I can change and that’s ok. </p>
<p>So make sure to cut yourself some slack if you don’t make great friends right away. It might happen for you and that would be great, but often (especially at large schools) it can take time. When I was starting college I blamed myself for not making any connections when in reality it was totally normal. Put yourself out there as much as you feel like you can but don’t feel bad for needing to take some breaks and take some time for yourself. </p>
<p>As for the putting yourself out there part, definitely try to join clubs and go to on-campus activities. In my first week, I went to a discussion on gay marriage and had a really good time - I didn’t end up becoming close friends with any of the people I met there (at least through that, there was one girl I reconnected with later) but it was still good to get out of my shell and have some good conversations with people. My main success came when I found a club that I loved - I went to a meeting during the first week of classes and just threw myself into it because it was somewhere I saw myself. Now, a year later, my closest friends are from that club. You’ll also make friends in your classes over time, but in my opinion clubs are better for meeting friends because you’re used to seeing each other in a social setting so you won’t feel awkward about asking them to hang out (though if you’re comfortable with that with a classmate, by all means go for it - I’m just saying this since it was hard for me). </p>
<p>So there are definitely things you can do, but the main thing I want to leave you with is that you don’t have to change yourself (ie be more outgoing than you’re comfortable with) to make friends. There are tons of opportunities to meet people so there’s a good chance you’ll make friends right away, but if you don’t, know that it’s not your fault and give yourself time. </p>
<p>I hope this helps, and feel free to PM me at any point! :)</p>
<p>Everyone is scared and freaking out during the first semester of freshman year, so you’re not alone. You really have to change your mindset and think extrovertedly. If you do, you will do wonders. Get out and be a part of the campus!</p>
<p>Also, one trick that helped me build up confidence and make acquaintances was to sit with random people in the cafeteria. I would see an open chair and ask politely if I could eat with them. People are always pretty nice and willing to strike up a conversation. I met a lot of people that way!</p>
<p>When I came to college I had the same problem. But eventually I realized that social skills are exactly that—skills. Just like with any other skill, the only way to improve is with practice.</p>
<p>If you want to become more social, you will have to make a conscious effort to break out of your current behavior patterns and establish new ones. Before you can do that though, you have to change the way you think of yourself. Instead of thinking of yourself as shy or introverted, start thinking of yourself as a social person. </p>
<p>Then, start talking to people as often as you can and force yourself to get out of your comfort zone. It will probably feel forced and unnatural at first, but it will become easier and easier the more you practice. </p>
<p>If you want to learn more about how to improve your social skills and gain more confidence, you should check out my blog. You can find the link on my profile page under the “About me” section.</p>