Hi i’m a second semester freshman at college now and i’ve made no new friends (i mainly hang out with my 2 friends from high school that also go to the same uni as me). I do talk to people in my classes but i wouldn’t consider them my friends since i only talk to them when i see them in class and we’d rarely do anything outside of class.
I don’t even know how people at college are able to have a group of friends because I’m usually only am able to meet like 1 person in each class and talk to them, but never a group of people. and then when the new semester starts, the people i talked to in the previous semester i don’t even see them anymore
My main problem right now with making meaningful friendships is that i place too high of a priority on school, and its basically taking over my life. I got straight A’s last semester but i basically did hw and only did hw throughout the whole semester. The thing is, I’m not very smart naturally, but i am motivated so each weekend i usually spend it doing hw all day. I actually would actually rather spend my weekends doing hw not because i enjoy hw but because i need all that time to understand the material for each class. I also go to guided study sessions which also takes out of my free time during the week to try to learn the material better.
So, i basically have little free time to try and explore clubs and such since I’m not very smart and don’t know how to study efficiently and effectively. In addition, I’m shy and introverted so i don’t even want to go to parties and socialize with a bunch of people i barely know.
put that together: being shy AND studying too much because you care too much about your grades leads to having a terrible time in college.
My solution to this is that i want to join a sorority. However, they are expensive and idk how i’d be able to balance school with it.
any suggestions and/ or please share any personal stories with having a social and balancing school
On Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights – or two of those three – look for events to attend, or clubs that meet on those nights, and attend.
Going Greek would make it easy.
In terms of the Greek system, the pro is that you’ll have easy and predictable access to social functions and a group of women to call sisters. This doesn’t mean you’ll be “natural” friends with everyone – there will be friction (humans can’t avoid it) – but the sisterhood bond will smooth the rough edges.
The main con is cost, but that’s what summer jobs and internships are for. You get a head start on paying bills.
I’d treat going to a couple of clubs like a class commitment. Block it I your calendar, and make it a priority. If you aren’t really into partying, you may not find Greek life to your liking. But some colleges have Greek organizations that don’t have housing, & focus on service activities.
Not sure what your plan is for living arrangements next year or what your university is like. But if there is special interest housing (like a language you speak) or co-op housing (some big Us have systems of multiple co-op houses), those can be good ways to make friends.
Since you like to study so much, find other students at the guided study sessions you attend or in class and make a plan to meet and work on the homework. Then that might lead to ice cream or pizza afterwards. You need to find your type!
Contradictions in your statement. You need to be smart to get A’s in college, even with a lot of studying. In fact, smart people who aced HS need to study a lot to do well in college.
Do not think the Greek system is the answer to making friends. I suspect the time commitment to that would detract from your academics- the primary reason to attend college.
I also see a problem in that you are still spending your time with HS friends. That takes away time you could spend with others. Introverts (not the same as shyness- research the nuances of each, far too much material to cover in a post) typically need down time. Nothing wrong with that. Most (75% I learned once upon a time) of the population is extroverted and needs people time. Please do not compare yourself to them. What is normal for you can be different than what is normal for those around you.
I found that in college I made my friends in classes in our common major. They were the ones with the same interests in general- although I learned a lot about different things by associating with various people who had the same courses but other interests as well. Especially for those of us who are more intense about studying it is harder to find like minded people. Nothing wrong with that.
I also note “rarely” do things outside of class. Hey- that’s not never. As you get to know people better you do more with them. Consider trying to get together to go over problem sets or discuss literature- whatever the nature of the course entails.
Break away from the HS friends comfort zone and use your time for clubs of interest to you. Could be in your major.
Two helpful books-- “How To Talk To Anyone” by Leil Lowndes is a collection of tips to break the ice and meet people more easily. Just learning a couple of the tips will make social situations with new people easier.
“Time Management from the Inside Out” by Julie Morgenstern gives a way to plan your time so that you can stop the “I ought to be studying instead of being at this party” thought pattern. You need to plan actual social time for yourself and put it in your planner.
I hope you aren’t doing like my old roommate whom I never did get to know well even though we could have been good friends. We would invite her to a party or out to eat on a Friday night with us and she would say she needed to study. Huh? Can’t take two hours for some fun? She didn’t have many other friends–and three of us were standing right there asking her to join us and be a friend. Ask those classmates to lunch.
I’ve never been in a sorority but from what I see the time commitment can be huge. I would suggest a club that you can block into your schedule (and then you are automatically finding people with a similar interest).
At a typical college or university there are all kind of clubs and organizations that draw people based on interests. Could be community or political activity, recreational (hiking, climbing, dancing, etc.), film, career-oriented groups, religious organizations, you name it. I don’t know what kind of school the OP attends, but here’s the webpage from one large university (you can do this for your own college, too). The variety of recognized organizations is enormous: https://michiganstate-community.symplicity.com/index.php?s=student_group&au=&ck=
So to the OP, look around! Try something out.
Also I like to ask this question of students who find they’re spending too much of their time on studies to have a social life: “How many hours are there in a week?” I’m always surprised when I get an answer like 40? 80? or I don’t know.
There are 168 hours in a week: 24 x 7. Even if you’re working (class + homework) 60 hours per week (and occasionally more), and 70 are for sleeping, eating, personal care, you still have 38 hours left! There is a way for almost every student to have time for recreation, getting out of their dorm room or the library, meeting people informally. Again, look around, be open-minded.
But also be proud of your academic achievements and ability to prioritize that.