<p>i'm a second semester first year and i'm having difficulty learning to balance school and friends (or developing friendships). the transition to college, particularly in terms of social life, was much more difficult than i had anticipated. in high school i had grown accustomed to seeing my friends every day. i was perfectly happy if we didn't hang out every day after school (or even some weekends) because i knew that i would see them every day at school and lunch.</p>
<p>fast forward to college and, while i LOVE the freedom, i've found it difficult to adjust to the differing social life. i realized fairly early on last semester that i was not going to be close friends with the girls on my hall (the ones i did connect with were involved in time consuming activities like crew and i was merely friendly with the others). this meant that i needed to branch out from the place where a lot of people find their friends first year, which was difficult for me, but i can say that i have maybe three close friends now. the other people i hang out with... i'm just not close enough to them yet - we don't spend enough time together.</p>
<p>so here's the dilemma: i feel like it's difficult to grow closer to these people because i don't get to see them every day. i've tried to do lunch a couple times this semester, but for the most part it hasn't worked out. add to this the fact that i'm taking a heavier courseload with MUCH MORE reading and i feel like i'm not spending enough time socializing, even though i know i have to finish my work. i feel a little weird asking the people i'm not too close with yet how they structure their days and balance school and fun, so i'm asking you! how do you manage to complete work and still work on developing friendships? have you found a schedule that works for you? any advice you have or stories about similar situations would be greatly appreciated.</p>
<p>This is just part of growing up. I hate to use this term as I myself tend to find its use demeaning in some situations, but in the “grown up world” when you’re working in a career (and even further ahead when you have a spouse and kids to deal with) you will not see your friends every day, or even necessarily every week. Some people don’t know how to manage a friendship like that and end up with no friends, like my mom. That, I assume, is not the route you want to go!</p>
<p>I see my friends, at most, once a week. It’s often only every other week, and other friends maybe even once a month. My best friend only comes over on Tuesday nights, my boyfriend is only here on Fridays, and my regular friends only find time to all meet up once in a great while-- I have only seen them once since school started in the fall. Recently another friend and I realized we both have Friday afternoons off (before BF gets here) so we do lunch every friday. I think as you go through college you will get used to it, as EVERYONE will be busy-- most people are not seeing their friends every day. But when you get really busy with classes and ECs I find it helps to have some sort of a regular thing going. I may only see my best friend once a week, but it’s routine that she comes over every Tuesday and we set aside time in our schedule for that. I’d like to see BF a lot more but we really can’t fit it in our schedules, so we both set aside Friday afternoons. I can meet one more afternoon or evening on the weekend if anybody else is available, it looks like that will be set aside for doing some volunteer work with best friend or for miscellaneous hanging out. I meet new people and develop new friendships usually between volunteering or when working with my organization, or just in class or casually in the dining hall. Meeting new people does not have to be a whole big song and dance all the time, you can develop friendships just going about your daily routine, too.</p>
<p>So the way that I balance it, I suppose, is by not having unrealistic expectations of myself or my friends. I have four classes a day, tons of homework, a very involved internship, and am president of a student organization. I am a busy person. College is a busy place. My friends and I don’t have set idle time every day anymore like we did in high school for lunch or passing time, so we have to make that time ourselves when we can fit it in. For us, that is not every day. You may have more time than I do so you may have it a little bit better in terms of how often you can fit people in, but your best bet is going to be dropping the expectation that you are going to see friends every day, concentrate on your work an your own fun things, and see friends whenever you can. I have to say, a little bit of extra solo time has done good things for me-- I would never have become president of a club or gotten into volunteer work if I was dividing all my time strictly between class and friends. The opportunity to explore yourself and your interests on your own is one of the best things about college, even if it takes some getting used to.</p>
<p>I don’t have much of a social life but that’s because I am awkward and weird and a CC poster. </p>
<p>As for having free time, I just don’t find college that busy. I’ve got 19 credits and I’m still just not that busy. Personally I find that I have to be somewhere quiet but in public to ever get anything done, so whenever doing homework or studying I go to a library or something.</p>
<p>Getting stuff done early typically tends to help. Otherwise you risk socializing too much and cramming in academics last-minute. I found I always had a lot more free time when I actually bit the bullet and just got my stuff done asap.</p>
<p>To the OP, I know exactly how you feel. I’m a second year engr major, and I although I’m doing the bare min. of classes this quarter, I do have about 9-10 hrs of part time work. At the end of the day, I am exhausted–classes in the morning starting either 8-9AM followed by work in around 2 PM depending on the day. I usu. do closings on Mon. and when I get back around 10PM I’m dead tired. The lunch/dinner idea is probably the most feasible. You just have to plan ahead, make a large network of friends with your dorm mates. Don’t feel bad if they decline your offer. Ask early! There’s always the guy/girl that has way too much free time. </p>
<p>Try to have some fun! Laugh, relax and chit chat when you get the chance.</p>
<p>As a second semester freshman - I found that balancing my school/social life was really difficult first semester. Basically, I got to school and was homesick for the first two weeks. I was so homesick that it was difficult for me to function and because of this, I felt as if I had missed the boat for friendships. </p>
<p>Then, I joined a club sports team. I found a ton of friends - made a few really good friends. Suddenly, I went from having no social life (or a social life that involved me hanging around with the same friends I had in high school who happened to go to my college ) to having one. </p>
<p>Once I found my friends, I wanted to hang out with them and get closer. My school is fairly rigorous in terms of academics, so mostly my friends and I would meet up at the library. I studied, but I was more interested in socializing. I grew closer to my friends and by the end of the semester was happy and had a good social life. Unfortunately, my grades suffered because I spent the first 6 weeks of the semester working out a balance between school and fun. </p>
<p>This semester, I pretty much know how to work. I go to class, I go to my sports practice and to dinner with my sports team, and spend the nights seeing my friends from my dorm, sports team, and other parts of campus at the library. On the weekends, I balance studying with friends (We study and take study breaks by chatting) and fun (parties, movies, etc).</p>
<p>Do not procrastinate. Get things done asap, and you’ll find yourself with tons of time to socialize. I personally am not doing a whole heck of a lot this quarter. Right now, I’m taking 15 credit hours (was going to take 20, but I tested out of a class), I work 10 hours a week, and I am a free-lance writer for the school newspaper. Not a whole heck of a lot, but I find that I still have to juggle my time or I could easily fall behind.</p>
<p>And Twisted said it best, imo. In college, you’ll have to make time to socialize…otherwise you won’t.</p>
<p>Sometimes the best remedy is to say “no”, as much as it hurts to miss out on some things, priorities need to be met. But yeah, I agree that procrastination will haunt you forever, its like a snowball.</p>
<p>I study in the afternoon after class which all ends around 2 pm for me. Leaves me time to get dinner with people, go the gym, and watch movies or whatever at night on nights when I don’t have to go my PT job. </p>
<p>I leave my Friday nights and Saturdays completely free but if I don’t have day plans, I may do some work then too. I don’t study a lot because I’m lazy and have ADD though.</p>
<p>As a second semester sophomore I’m having that trouble too. I was great first semester freshman year in playing the balance game. However due to crazy health problems I was essentially room-bound last semester. This semester I’m able to attend class and take a normal credit load but I still fatigue easily. Going to class simply wears me out. If there is any leftover time some of my solo pursuits are certainly coming first. I’d love to go dancing/ see a movie but by the time the weekend comes around I’m behind in schoolwork and am so, so tired. If I go out I’d need much of the next day to recover (no hard-core catchup.) Doesn’t help it was just my birthday this past weekend too!</p>
<p>Hopefully after this first round of exams Profs will ease up a bit. That would be seriously nice.</p>
<p>twistedxkiss, reading your post particularly helped me be okay with the transition from high school-like socializing to college socializing. my friendships will look different now, and i’m learning to accept and embrace that. my problem often arises when my work starts to pile up, generally before tests (which is one of the many reasons not to procrastinate!) and i don’t see friends for a while. i have several close friends, with whom i feel i could discuss anything, but for the rest i feel like i’m not there yet; we need to spend more time together before i feel that “you are truly my friend and will be there for me no matter what” feeling. when i don’t see them for extended periods of time, i feel like our friendship isn’t progressing and deepening. </p>
<p>maybe i just need to adjust my expectationss with this as well. it’s only natural that some friends will be closer than others, and these may just be the people i only spend time with occasionally, but we can still have fun despite that. sometimes i wonder if i should really describe these people as friends, but i guess that depends on your definition. they may be my casual friends. the past few days i’ve been studying like crazy for tests, so i haven’t seen people lately. there is some satisfaction in this, actually, particularly when studying for philosophy; i’ve learned to appreciate spending time with study groups and talking through tough concepts - it’s fun! but it is also in times like these that stupid thoughts like “what if the people i consider close friends don’t consider me a close friend” pop up. these thoughts are by no means overwhelming, but they come up in the most inconvenient of times. somehow i need to learn to stop overanalyzing and comparing myself and my friendships to those of other people, and fully accept that i may not be able to spend as much time with friends. any tips with this would be wonderful! : )</p>
<p>i guess i just wanted to take the time thank you for your responses, vent, and temporarily distract myself from work. back to studying now.</p>
<p>I just set up a schedule so that 2-4 hours is dedicated to productive study 6 days/week (I like to take one day completely off unless I got an exam looming). This leaves me with quite a lot of time to socialize, I like to party at least once a week (often 2, rarely 3), and during the week I like going off campus and just doing stuff that I enjoy.</p>
<p>This semester has been rough. I have to get up a 6 every morning for classes that don’t end till 3 then i have work till 7. I am also part of the Taekwondo club so whatever time after that i am practicing. Then when i finally get home, I study and do what ever homework i did not do. By the time i get back all my friends have already had dinner and i am stuck eating alone. I am exhausted by Friday which is my busy-free day and i might go see a comedy or a movie once in a while .
I am a huge procrastinator which does not help me at all when it i have to write papers but its manageable. I allocate the rest of my time by hanging out with friends and schedule the next time i see them before i lock myself in my room to start the weekly cycle all over again.</p>