<p>I am currently a senior student in college, graduating in December 2011. So far, I have made very few friends. The few friends that I made I made by randomly starting a conversation with someone in my class, but this is something I can only do seldom when I am in the mood and something creative comes across my mind with which I can start the conversation. But usually nothing comes to my mind.</p>
<p>I can't approach people on the street because I don't ever know what to say to them. Once the conversation is somehow started, sometimes it seems to flow but I don't know how to start it and often even during a conversation I run out of things to say.</p>
<p>I tried registering on websites such as match.com and chemistry.com, but didn't find anyone interesting or attractive on there. Facebook seems to be for talking to people one already knows.</p>
<p>I live in a suburban area so there aren't many social events going on that I know of.</p>
<p>I am frustrated because I am almost done with college and I have no idea how and where to meet people. I would like to make some friends and/or get a girlfriend.</p>
<p>Does anyone have any suggestions for me at all, about how and where to meet people?</p>
<p>Do you live at your parent’s home and commute or are you in an apartment? It sounds as if you did not live in a dorm. Many friendships are initiated in the dorms freshman year. If you are in a campus apartment, strike up some conversations with other students there. See if there are any clubs or activities you are interested in joining. Common interests often bring people together. A part time job may be a good way, as well or volunteer work. Ask someone in class if they’d like to get a coffee. Be open, smile and show genuine interest in others.</p>
<p>As for starting conversations or keeping them going, people love taking about themselves. Follow your own curiosity without getting too personal. This may seem outdated, but you may find Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” very helpful. There are others in the same situation if that is any consolation to you.</p>
<p>Wait. Do you have no friends or very few friends? There’s a significant difference between the two. If you have “few friends” go hang out/stay in touch with your few friends. Problem solved?</p>
<p>You already have a “few friends” which sounds perfectly awesome to me. As long as you have friends you can hang with, talk to, get lunch/dinner/beers whatever with, you’re set. Do you just want a buttload of friends to feel or look more popular? I sort of wanted that before, like not having a huge circle of friends was not fulfilling the college lifestyle image or something. But really, if you have just a few friends, you’ve got something. </p>
<p>Spend more time with the friends you have and get to know them more. Then, as time goes on, you get introduced into their other circles of friends and so on. Or even suggest a get together at your apartment and ask everyone to bring one guest. </p>
<p>I just want to say to OP that you post a very legitimate issue. And it is not as uncommon as some people seem to think and not so easily overcome. I noticed that you created a similar post a few years ago and got some very hostile replies. I’m sorry you did not get more supportive advice years ago. I was a programmer and worked with many male programmers and I went to school with engineers, many of whom shared your issue.</p>
<p>I live in my parents’ home and commute. There is a whole bunch of different reasons for that. I wish I had the experience of living in a dorm, but I am afraid it’s too late for that because I have just one semester left. Besides, I believe people who are not in college still make friends somehow.</p>
<p>A part time job might have been a good idea if I weren’t a programmer too. But since I am, I feel like working at a $7-10/hour store assistant job is not worth it when I can work for $25/hour or more on a programming job.</p>
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<p>I think that’s rude. If I am talking to someone, I definitely don’t want anyone joining in. It’s always annoying. But maybe that’s just me.</p>
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<p>Yes, but there was always a bunch of reasons why I couldn’t attend them. Whether I was busy or the time of the day simply wasn’t right.</p>
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<p>I would say you’re correct. So how do I develop them?</p>
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<p>Yes, that’s what I keep forgetting about. The problem is I am an exception - I don’t like talking about myself for the most part. I don’t know why. So I automatically extend this to others and assume that they wouldn’t be interested in talking about themselves either. Even though the majority of the advice says otherwise.</p>
<p>I read Dale Carnegie’s books once a long time ago. I found them interesting but could not apply the material because I kept forgetting about it.</p>
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<p>I have a few friends that I managed to make. The problem would be solved if these friends wouldn’t be so busy or if they were not travelling. However, it’s summer and most of my college friends are away somewhere. So the problem isn’t solved. :)</p>
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<p>Certainly not.</p>
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<p>What if I am a bad host who doesn’t know how to organize parties because I have never been to one of the student parties and don’t have an example to learn from?</p>
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<p>Well, thank you and everyone else for supportive responses this time around. I really appreciate it.</p>
<p>Now in my college there are lounges, such as a commuter lounge, which are made specifically for people to hang out and make friends. I tried hanging out in that lounge a couple of times and certainly made a few friends. But for the most part, I feel like I am just awkwardly sitting or standing around and not participating in conversations because I don’t know how to or if it would even be appropriate for me to start a conversation with someone sitting nearby. Luckily, there were times when people started conversation with me. But I never had a lot of time to hang out in that lounge due to me being a commuter…</p>
<p>“What if I am a bad host who doesn’t know how to organize parties because I have never been to one of the student parties and don’t have an example to learn from?”
(I have no idea how to do that quote box) </p>
<p>Well, you won’t know until you give it a shot! You might be a decent host, who knows. I don’t think there’s ever such a thing as a bad party, unless, you know, it gets mega awkward or someone brought an uninvited hooker in a cake. Actually, someone might enjoy that.</p>
<p>Point being, try not to think of it as a party, but more of a casual get together, so there’s less pressure. It can be anything from all of you playing video games, watching a funny movie with some drinks, or since football season is coming, football games. Just lounging around and talking while music plays in the background with some food/drinks works too. People are good at entertaining themselves and in small settings, it’s much easier to talk to others. So you don’t have to worry about being a bad host as long as you’re friendly and making rounds with the people who came. </p>
<p>If all else fails on being lost because you “don’t have examples,” google. </p>
<p>Personally, if I was invited to something like that by you, even if it did to turn out to be bleh, I’d think you were awesome for having people over and actually hosting it yourself. But that’s me.</p>
<p>Start with simple steps to improve social skills. Trust me, most people do like to talk about themselves. I get you don’t, but you are in the minority there. So, ask people questions about themselves. Things you have a genuine curiosity about, after some thought. You may have to dig. The more you do it, the easier it gets. I know there’s a lot of info in those Dale Carnegie books. Pick up the one I mentioned and try one or two suggestions that resonate with you. I agree, it’s too difficult to remember everything and act on all of that. Meeting people is just one aspect of the issue, you have to develop the social skills required to form and maintain relationships. Eye contact, smile, show interest, be confident, relax. Also, you have to be generous with your time sometimes. Good luck!</p>
<p>Forgot to mention, after you ask some questions, be ready for them to reciprocate. Be open. You don’t like talking about yourself, but you will need to.</p>