Op- hugs. You sound like a great parent and I know this is very challenging.
BUT- you’ve added a LOT more information since your first post, so I’ll try to respond.
1- Blue lights from screens is a known sleep disrupter. Your son will kick and scream that he needs the clock, the alarm, etc. But “no screens after 10 pm” (and physically remove the laptop, phone, etc. from his room and you can help him select an $8 alarm clock at CVS or Walmart.) He is not getting enough sleep (duh) AND is likely experiencing a growth spurt, and so his bed is uncomfortable, everything is uncomfortable. Most teenagers can fall asleep anywhere, so this is definitely something to discuss with his doctor.
2- Sounds like more than mild anxiety to me. In addition to the “professionals” trying to figure out what’s going on, has he seen a therapist “just to talk”??? Not someone to fix his academic performance, just someone he can talk to, who can help him develop coping strategies when he’s feeling anxious, etc.
3- Since the neuropsych is far out… make sure his pediatrician has checked his thyroid, all the usual physical stuff which can cause fatigue, sleep disruption, etc. I have a friend whose gyn was extremely unhelpful about her fatigue and sleep issues “it’s called menopause” was the response-- who discovered an easily treatable thyroid issue which actually cured her lickety split. I’m not a doctor, but teenagers love to sleep so this is most worrisome thing you have posted.
4-Side by side communication is the key with a teenager. They just don’t respond to “how was your day” or “why are you screwing up?” or even “what flavor ice cream do you want?” other than “Fine”, “I don’t know”, “it doesn’t matter, you decide”. Lather, rinse, repeat. Figure out/recall and activity you both love to do (or one that you tolerate which he loves) and do it together. Reality comes spilling out when you are both engaged and NOT looking at each other (or you are not looking at him, with him braced for an interrogation). This is a great skill for you to learn right now, and it will really help you with both kids.
5- Again, his friendships and his passion for the music industry are going to be key for him going forward. Make sure you’re including at least one friend – his choice- in the occasional family dinner, miniature golf outing. Not every time-- but enough so that his friends want to hang out at your house. Start planning the “dream vacation” once you’ve saved up enough money- Nashville? Check out the concert schedules – does he want to start saving for tickets for some special event for his birthday?
6- Volunteering- you are near a hospital, correct? Will they allow a minor to perform in the pediatric ward? Nursing home in your area- can he show up once a week to lead a performance, ending with a singalong? Not exactly high end studio production, but working musicians take EVERY opportunity to play in front of real live human beings. Has he told his music teacher that he’d be happy to work with less accomplished/struggling students???
You’ve got this. And so does he…