<p>We are just home from our fifth school visit. We have listened carefully at each school, took every handout that seemed relevant, and tried to ask questions during the visits about the things that matter to my daughter.
The problem is that, even after all that, the schools are blending together in our minds. There was one school that she really disliked (rowdy and the students seemed unprepared in class). The other four (and we still have probably three more to look at) are all fine, but she is not in love with any of them.
When is this going to become clearer? I assume she'll get rejected by some, so that will narrow it down. After that, did the choice become obvious at revisit days in the spring? Are we missing something that we should be doing during the on-campus visits?</p>
<p>My d had a pretty similar reaction (not in love with most, but eliminated some as dislikes). It is important to visit and give a sniff test, but it’s not decision time. I think some of this works in their head over time (from fall to next spring when they accept), and when they go to revisit day, they look with an eye as to whether they can see themselves at that school or not (as opposed to the fall where it is still conceptual). And by the way, funny, they do tend to fall in love with one of the schools where they get admitted.</p>
<p>The best advice we got was to make your child, immediately upon leaving the school, write down what she liked about it and what she disliked. You can, of course, do the same. You will also want to spend some time reviewing boardingschoolreview, Peterson’s, and old posts here (you can search by school name). Presumably, you now are able to group the schools at least by size and, perhaps, by tier of competitiveness. You will need to consider your D objectively to see where she will best fit. Then you can dig in much deeper into the cluster of schools in those categories.</p>
<p>That IS tough. Many kids just fall in love with a particular school. Even when they do it may not be a valid decision, but gut feel is important. Is she fearful of rejection? If so, maybe she is afraid of falling in love with a particular school? Or does she want to go at all? If those are not issues, then I agree with the earlier posts. Help you daughter make a list of what matters to her, discuss it, help her sort them out and then see what happens. Realize however that the schools may sense her ambivalence. Good luck, it is not an easy process.</p>
<p>Yeah, I kinda get the same kind of problem. I have my dream schools but my reaches and safeties are, like, blending together. AND the fact that I’m an international student and I won’t be able to pay school visits makes things worse. I peruse the catologues over and over again but I get the same kind of feeling with every school. Most of them are like:" FILL<em>IN</em>THE_BLANK is a very academically challenging college preparatory school in the state of WHATEVER, yet students are encouraged to try new things. The teachers are fantastic and everyone feels a sense of community." I guess they’re just common things among boarding schools: qualified teachers, a demanding academic curriculum along with amazing access to the arts and athletics and strong friendship bonds.</p>
<p>Thank you for your advice, everyone!
My mother-in-law pointed out that this problem means that there’s not a bad choice in the group and that our daughter would probably find her place at any of the remaining schools.
erlanger, I’m taking comfort in what you said. I’ll raise this again in the spring if we are still bewildered.</p>
<p>I like what your mother-in-law said.</p>
<p>svm, PM me if you like.
We are west coasters too, and I think that this too is perhaps a factor because on those quick visits East the NE schools really do take some getting used to for our California kids. It just feels different, even if the kids have travelled, visited relatives east, etc.</p>