<p>I assumed the OP posted before sending the app on its merry way & was wondering if it was appropriate to send. Was I wrong? Were you just asking for validation of something already done? I suppose that would explain a desire to defend your position. If it has already been sent, for heaven’s sake … chill out! Why worry about it? Relax. Que cera, cera. Best wishes to you. I hope everything works out as you hope it will.</p>
<p>I couldn’t think of any OTHER WORD!</p>
<p>Class is in two minutes, so gotta go. </p>
<p>(I could just speak in Singlish, you know. I’m very familiar with that register.) </p>
<p>Please, please, tell me of an alternative to esoteric. It was bad word choice actually. I’ll just write in a stream of consciousness here using anglo-saxon words (though I have failed) just to tell you I am writing genuinely and I am FED UP WITH YOU people TELLING ME THAT I AM somehow intentionally using words that will be HARD TO UNDERSTAND.</p>
<p>Sorry for the ALLCAPS, I am fuming at this very moment.</p>
<p>I think there is a delicate balance between sounding like a mature, well-read, intellectually curious teenager and a total snot. Because we ARE just teenagers, no one expects us to be complete experts in anything. We don’t have to use big words to impress - if anything, being concise and to-the-point might be better.</p>
<p>For the OP - I understand why you wanted to add in the literary references, but I think it’s hard to gauge just how much adcoms know (not to say they’re stupid). It’s safer to either strike out the esoteric references or explain them a little. </p>
<p>About this post:
“…it seems that some schools (e.g. UChicago) encourage technical or literary references in the essays…”</p>
<p>As an admitted student to UChicago, I personally feel that they aren’t so much looking for references as they are looking for sincere, heartfelt essays. My own essay was written in very informal language, with no mention of books or school or reading at all. Those things play a big role in my life (obviously) but I am not defined by them. Then again, if literature really IS a part of who you are, by all means go ahead. Chicago’s reputation for “intellectual curiosity” IMO means a true desire to learn and explore, not necessarily a penchant for quoting obscure literature…</p>
<p>galoisien,</p>
<p>I think what people on here have been saying is that part of being a highly intelligent and ‘well read’ individual is writing on a level that gets your message across without using uncommon words. (Esoteric is not a word that a well educated person would use in a normal course of conversation… even though most well educated people know what it means). Part of being well educated is knowing what is and isn’t considered common language and usage and how to get powerful messages across without using silly words and unnecessary references. You can write an essay using all sorts of SAT vocab bonus words and literary citations, but this is nowhere near as powerful as a similar essay that uses common language to get the same message across. </p>
<p>Imaging if:
“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” </p>
<p>Was actually:
“Query not what your patria can bequest upon you, but what you can do to ameliorate your populace.” </p>
<p>Yes, most people with a college education will still understand that sentence but the first one carries much more impact becuase it was formed with a creative and intelligent use of common words. The same applies to college essays. An essay isn’t a ‘vocab showoff’ contest or a ‘look at these books I know a lot about’ contest it’s a ‘look at how well I can communicate interesting information about myself’ contest.</p>
<p>Write for your audience!
Corollary-- good writers make the reader feel smart. (I took this from Bryan Garner.)
If your reader doesn’t understand you, you’ve failed (not the reader).</p>
<p>Tell about youself, not the subject you are interested in. You can say you are interested in some obscure part of astrophysics, and even tell why, without having to explain the subject or use jargon. </p>
<p>Adcoms select for admission to the college and usually not to specific programs in the college. If you think a particular department would be thrilled to have you, contact them directly to find out what they can do for you. (I suspect not much unless you have have already earned recognition in your field.) I doubt the adcom to forward an admissions essay to a department. You would have a better shot with supplementary material.</p>
<p>galoisien,</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone is trying to make you feel miserable, but the point is that you’re writing to a general, educated audience. Using jargon outside of journals is always a bad idea. Heck, even within journals it’s sometimes a bad idea. </p>
<p>In the words of Twain:</p>
<p>“I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English - it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them - then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.”</p>
<p>kwu–sorry, I use the word “esoteric” as well as “arcane”–usually referring to other people’s knowledge but still…</p>
<p>galoisien, it will be ok. :)</p>
<p>Calm down. I’m all for “big words”–I come from a literature-loving family, I read a lot, and I’m a linguist, so I get made fun of for my word choices from time to time. Granted, teasing from friends is different from a perceived attack from strangers on a message board, but you really need to take a deep breath and realize why people have been so negative toward you here.</p>
<p>Frankly, you sound incredibly pretentious. You probably don’t mean to come off that way, but through a combination of your writing style and the question at hand, you do. It’s not a huge deal; you’re hardly the first precocious kid to sound pretentious on the internet. Plenty of pretentious jerks get into great schools, and the vast majority of college essays are overly wrought, precious sounding junk. You’re not alone, and you’ll be fine.</p>
<p>But think about why you started this thread in the first place–it’s pretty clear from your reaction to people’s answers that you didn’t want honest responses, you just wanted reassurance that there wasn’t any other possible way of saying what you wanted to say. If you only want validation, don’t ask for advice.</p>
<p>Bottom line: you’ll be fine. If you really love language, hopefully with time you’ll find a writing style that’s more sensitive to your audience, but if in 20 years you still sound this pretentious, you won’t be the only one. Good luck.</p>
<p>Pseudonym,</p>
<p>Well said. I might add, however, that once one leaves the university he will find a world full of people who couldn’t care less about Joyce. He will find a world full of people who care about concise, easy to understand writing and language that conveys ideas with efficiency.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to suggest that society disfavors literary writing, but outside of some small (relative to the whole of society) circles, simplest is usually best.</p>
<p>"what school is this?</p>
<p>If it’s like, Harvard, all of their readers are relatively well-versed and intelligent and one can expect them to understand any obscure references. Plus, this being some impressive school, these people’ll prolly take the time to look up the terms.</p>
<p>Some small state school? I wouldn’t bank on it."</p>
<p>LOL, you do not understand. The adcom at harvard is the same as the adcom at
Penn State, and most members do not attend the school they work for. using pretentious language and obscure references will most likely **** these people off and land you in the rejection pile.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful that you can make erudite references, but I think that you may want to show your essay to a teacher or two whom you respect, provided that there is still time. It’s possible that you could wind up conveying both that you’re wonderfully well read, and that you haven’t mastered either using different literary tones for different types of writing, or communicating clearly and directly with readers. I think you can read from the responses of the adults on this thread the kind of reaction you’re likely to get from an adult admissions reader.</p>
<p>I don’t know why you are so insistent on defending your intention when you question was about the AdComs’ perception.</p>
<p>Because people keep thinking I am tossing these references for fun.</p>
<p>I. am. not. </p>
<p>“References” is a bad term. Let’s try, “invocation.”</p>
<p>Firstly, the essay which I used as an example was supposed to be page 217 of a 300 page book.</p>
<p>Most of the essays have been done. I am finishing my applications to my final schools.</p>
<p>Now, I was somewhat asking for validation, I admit, but I was also asking if the statement would be accessible or not.</p>
<p>Seeing as I had a one-page-limit to work with, I wasn’t in the mood to write anything <em>but</em> concise. Which is why for example, I wondered if it was wise not to give a background introduction.</p>
<p>My intention was not to convey that I was well-read. My intention was to convey my reading list, which in part was only a SECONDARY part to my GREATER intention of describing my sentiment at the time ACCURATELY.</p>
<p>Could people please read my comments in context. Thank you.</p>
<p>Let’s try this from this avenue:</p>
<p>Suppose you are meeting officers representing a fearsome and repressive authority who you have heard about, read about, spoken about, debated about, but have never actually physically met.</p>
<p>How are they going to look like? How are they going to behave? Are they going to show a die-hard fanaticism for the authority they represent?
Will they be cool and calm? Angry? </p>
<p>When you look into the initially stoic and emotionless faces of the officers, as they ask you questions, sometimes laughing at their own jokes, or looking at their watches as the interrogation drags on, could you use two paragraphs to explain the paradoxical nature of their behaviour, or use two characters to compare them to?</p>
<p>I was simply trying to save <em>word count</em>. That’s it.</p>
<p>Note, what I read defines me, so I’m not going for the “well-read” avenue. I am going for the “I indulge too much in dystopian fiction” avenue, as well as the “hey, comparing that calm and cool yet totally condemning lanky officer to Mr. Charrington would be just so cool” avenue.</p>
<p>
But ‘Reference’ is a neutral term. Another is ‘allusion.’ Why do we need to call them ‘invocations’? The word ‘invocation’ usually implies calling out to a divine presence, in any case. When you use fancy words, you run the risk of applying them incorrectly.</p>
<p>
That may be, but we are trying to tell you that you <em>came across</em> as merely trying to show off your reading list. </p>
<p>
That is not the most word-efficient way to describe someone, and requires adcom to rack brain to make the connection (which he probably won’t bother to do.)</p>
<p>There are many profuse and flowery writers, but just as many who write in clear, concise, yet beautiful, descriptive, and extremely precise language (Hemingway, for example.) In how many books or essays that you have read do you see constant references to other literary figures or to technical jargon (unless that piece was aimed for a specialized audience)? Probably never. Is it possible to capture many of the nuances of a person or scene in simple and unburdened language? Yes. Can everybody do it without being wordy? No. It is a skill that one must practice to acquire.</p>
<p>galoisien,</p>
<p>That’s the problem: most people, including the college-educated, won’t catch the Mr. Charrington reference during a quick read. They won’t see who you are based on your references. They’ll just see a lot of references that they don’t care to piece together in a few minutes.</p>
<p>I understand that this fiction is part of who you are: unfortunately, it’s not the same for most other people. Write for your audience, not for yourself.</p>
<p>amb3r: This is coming from the grammar nazi who subscribes to intolerant grammatical prescriptivism? </p>
<p>I am not sure if I am the pretentious one here.</p>
<p>Just so you don’t feel like you’re being lambasted (look! I can be pretentious and use unnecessarily long words!), I did the same thing. I don’t think it’s a big deal as long as you explain what the reference is from, the sentence makes sense even if the adcom hasn’t read the book, and it says something about you. Ender’s Game is my favourite book and Pygmalion is my favourite myth, so I wasn’t trying to show off when I referenced them, I was just showing part of myself.</p>
<p>I’ll disagree with UCLAri: Write for yourself, but keep your reader in mind.</p>
<p>amb3r: the problem is that you keep commenting on my remarks out of context. I am at a loss on how to make this any clearer. I invoked the two characters <em>once</em>, at the end of the last paragraph.</p>
<p>context, with new backgrounds not in the essay in square brackets: “These were members of the great Internal Security Department that had brought down the Barisan Sosialis [background: socialist party] in Operation Coldstore [background: think of all the anti-communist crackdowns in history], and originally I had half-expected to see the cold, alert face of Mr. Charrington, or the resolute conviction of Javert.”</p>
<p>[I had described some of the officers’ character traits – i.e. not at all like Charrington or Javert – beforehand.]</p>
<p>My native language isn’t even English. There’s no reason why I’d be using long words on purpose, unless they summed up my thoughts concisely. I shan’t elaborate further, at the risk of invoking more jargon </p>
<p>"Why do we need to call them ‘invocations’? The word ‘invocation’ usually implies calling out to a divine presence, in any case. "</p>
<p>It may allude to it, but “invoke” implies calling something more substantial in a manner not as trite as name-dropping.</p>
<p>To “invoke” is to make an entreaty on a divine presence, like God or Allah. It can also refer to calling on a law or an authority for help. That is the connotation behind the word. It does not mean “reference to literary figures.”</p>
<p>
Was this directly out of your essay? I honestly do not know what you are talking about for most of its length. Upon rereading, I can understand the sentence, but not what you are actually discussing. You are asking your readers for too much background knowledge (ISD, Barisan Sosialis, Operation Coldstore, Mr. Charrington, Javert.) Adcoms probably won’t even give the reread that I did.</p>
<p>I think I’ve made my point, and it looks as if you are not going to budge, so firmly confident in your writing style are you despite comments from many adults to your thread basically suggesting that your approach to college essays was somewhat off. I think my posting any further won’t contribute anything constructive.</p>