<p>Since EA and ED notifications will be arriving in the coming weeks of December, some acceptances, some waitlistings, some rejections, I was wondering (stepping away from yourself for a second) how anyone plans on responding to friends who were rejected somewhere? At least at my school, college admissions issues are very, very sensitive topics, particularly as many of us are competing for the same slots. But back to the question...what does one say? </p>
<p>What pops to mind are:</p>
<p>"It's there loss" ----But is that potentially hurtful to your friend because of the disparity in perception between different parties?</p>
<p>"I'm sure you'll find a great place for regular decision!" -------But what if that was their top choice? Dream school?</p>
<p>"If only they knew how awesomely brilliant you are. You are hard working. I wonder what went wrong? It's okay, someone will value who you are"------Returning to the first one, the definition of brightness is now skewed somewhat. I feel it would make them feel only worse, as though they're just not smart or ambitious enough.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry. That's awful. Is there anything I can do to help? You want me to read one of your essays? You must have been upset last night, I can help you on French homework if you didn't get around to it"-------But the pity deal might make them feel helpless, needy and no longer self-sufficient. </p>
<p>I am one for the intracacies of relationships and also making light of situations. I know college is not the end all be all, but it is important. Right now, for us. I guess I just can't find the right words. I have a couple of friends applying to Ivy Leagues, I don't know if they'll make it. It's a tight circle of friends who have been in each other's academic lives for years and years. I don't know. Any advice on this? Maybe I'm hyperanalyzing, but everything seems like a double-edged sword.</p>
<p>IMO the best thing to do when someone has a disappointment or is otherwise grieving is to listen to them and follow their lead about how best to support them. Don't try to talk them out of their feelings by saying things like, "It's not so bad. After all, there are plenty of other colleges out there."</p>
<p>Do, however, let them know that you care and think that what happened is the college's loss.</p>
<p>My closest friends aren't applying to selective schools, so it won't matter. I won't bring up the subject to my school/AP class friends because I will probably be the only rejected. </p>
<p>If this did come up, I would rant about our school's lack of preparation for selective colleges, explaining that if we had a decent college counselor (we don't have one at all) they would have totally gotten in.</p>
<p>Doubtful you will need to hear much.....many times this is a silent pain. Once folks do begin talking....it is in an angry, humorous way. Be sensitive and don't say too much. Listen and don't judge.</p>
<p>don't need to seriously none r applying early. the worst i can think of is how can ANYONE console me? I applied to columbia college early decision so i might need it.</p>
<p>"It's there loss" ----But is that potentially hurtful to your friend because of the disparity in perception between different parties?</p>
<p>"If only they knew how awesomely brilliant you are. You are hard working. I wonder what went wrong? It's okay, someone will value who you are"------Returning to the first one, the definition of brightness is now skewed somewhat. I feel it would make them feel only worse, as though they're just not smart or ambitious enough.</p>
<p>DONT say these things.. everyone knows that when someoen gets rejected they always say well its the college's fault and inside you know, if you did better or had better stats you would have probably been accepted.</p>
<p>I would say something like
"trust ME.. dont worry, undergrad doesnt matter.. if you want to make money its grad school that is REALLY important"</p>
<p>I'm frightened for when ED decisions come out. A couple of my friends applied ED to quite selective schools and I'm worried about how to deal with them. Especially since I was already accepted ED to my top choice. It will feel weird to talk about it with them.</p>
<p>
[quote]
**and inside you know, if you did better or had better stats you would have probably been accepted.
[/quote]
**</p>
<p>Thinking something untrue in many instances is gonna make this whole situation better....right. Think this when one had perfect GPA and high test scores.....yup that is gonna help tons.</p>
<p>Thank you guys! I definitely hear the "just offer open ears and mind" notion. I would agree. Just listen. I have one friend in particular who applied to Princeton ED, and she's been acting very weird lately, I don't know, she just seems jumpy and has been erratically doing AP Calc homework or whatever. I don't know what rejection might do. I'm not worried for myself in the least, I know myself, trust myself, can field questions well. But I definitely think it's awkward for everyone at lunch especially when invariably the conversation veers into college territory. One of my friends selected to tell nobody of where she applied ED, it's kind of a running joke now...nobody knows because (and she laughs as she says this) "I don't want to deal with telling people I was rejected...so I don't tell them I applied in the first place!" And again, I don't try to analyze to the point of "well, if they had this score slightly higher, a A in bio..." because that's futile at best. We'll never know.</p>
<p>3 things to keep in mind: don't try to tell people how they should feel, to explain how the decision was made, or to predict the future. </p>
<p>This means things like "It's not so bad", "They screwed up; I don't understand how they didn't take you but took Betty", "I bet it was that B in math", or "I know you'll get into somewhere good; you're better off not going there anyway" are not your best bets.</p>
<p>Just listen to what they have to say and empathize with them. "I can see how angry you are" or "You really are hurt by this" are supportive answers. You don't have to agree with them to be supportive; if someone says "It's not fair Joe got in but not me; everyone knows I'm the better student" you don't have to agree, just acknowledge their feelings and let them know you heard what they said. You can reply "You're mad because you think they should have taken you instead of Joe".</p>
<p>BTW my guess is there'll be less need for consoling than you might think. Kids who are rejected (or even waitlisted) are more likely to be vague and evasive about the whole college thing.</p>
<p>i'm with raindrop1019--all my friends are applying to state schools that will be relatively easy for them to get into (va tech, william and mary, etc.) they're all super smart anyway--so they'll probably get in (a few already have). and even if they don't--they know that i know they have talents and they're great, and it doesn't matter to me whether some admissions committee thought they looked good on paper or not.</p>