How would you deal with it?

Parent Cafe
21

<p>music, sounds like a tough time for you but in my experience the anticipation is worse than the reality. So- try to break the cycle of dread if you can.</p>

<p>The last thing you want is to make your son feel guilty about the opportunities he's got at college. The last thing he wants is to make you miserable about his leaving home. So- try to establish some middle ground up front. A long call every Sunday to fill you in on his life, with a quick daily email? Two medium length calls a week and IM'ing every night when he's back from dinner but before the library? Allow him to establish the frequency and the timing and you'll be pleasantly surprised by how much you look forward to the calls, and how cheered you are when you hang up.</p>

<p>Agree that building a network of support is the way to go. I re-joined a board of a local non-profit that I'd had to give up when the kids schedules got too crazy and found that coming home late after a meeting felt good- with kids at home, you get pulled in 20 directions and I always felt guilty staying out late when I figured someone needed me at home for some stupid thing. Once the kids are gone... you can come home late, tired, satisfied, without the guilt. </p>

<p>I took on more stuff at work and instead of feeling stressed and conflicted, it felt good. I agreed to a couple of out-of-town conferences and things that I used to reject out of hand, and the travel was fun, especially since I didn't have to leave a 12 page instruction manual on who had books due at the library and where the emergency $20 bill was hidden.</p>

<p>I haven't yet started the ambitious weight loss campaign, home improvement projects, or new hobbies that the other CC'ers seem to have launched, but that's in the works also. Point is that once you start meeting people outside your normal comfort zone, or taking on more stuff at work, or getting involved in a cause you care about, you become excited to talk to your son because you also have stuff to tell him-- and you dread the absence a little less.</p>

<p>Congrats on raising a fine kid, and I'm sure his sibs are equally wonderful.</p>

22

<p>Great advice, Blossom! This can be a time of new experiences for the parents as well as the child. And while you feel you have lost your main job, the one only you could do so well all these years...it might be nice not to be "on call" all the time! And to be able to put your energy to work on tasks other than remembering who has play practice or library books due. :)</p>

<p>And with your new experiences you will be more interesting to your child(ren) as well as to other people.</p>

23

<p>I have a list of things to do 'when I have time' and the kids don't need me so much. It makes the future, a.c., look awful busy.</p>

<p>--Tidy up my journals and email musings into a family history for the kids.
--Quilt
--Go back to school for a degree- maybe children's librarian, maybe fine arts, or creative writing, maybe renew the EMT certificate. Depends on what the whim is at the time.
--Work for an NGO in environmental rehab (not the right term, sorry for the brain fart.)
--Go back to work. Not sure what I want to do when I grow up, I guess that will depend on the whim at the time, and where we are living.</p>

24

<p>sorry: a.c. after children</p>