<p>Hello, I am a single mother. Before I say anything, this is the first time in my life, I will be living alone, which I can't even imagine. After 2 older children that are married and have children, I was blessed with my youngest child 20 years after those two. I think my greatest accomplishment in life was this child , my youngest son. With my husband who passed, I raised him and I couldn't be more proud as a mother. </p>
<p>He is a very well- rounded young man in many accomplishments i music, dance, theater, and academics, especially science. I've always been very proud of him, but now, it is time for him to go to college, and I don't know how I can cope with it. He will be about 400 miles away, and I won't be able to live in the same way as before, not seeing his face, and not enjoying his company. </p>
<p>So, can someone help me out... just give me an idea of how to possibly deal with this. I do work, I do have a career, and yes, I am at work most of the day, but when I come home in the evening, and see that empty room, I won't be able to handle it. Somebody with experience, answer me please.</p>
<p>It's tough, isn't it. We do all the work of raising them, and about the time they turn into the people we hoped they would be...they leave home.</p>
<p>See the thread on "Parent-freshman separation" in the Parent's Cafe. Lots of empathic advice from people who've been there & done that.</p>
<p>Yes, please come over to the Parent-freshman thread and we can all commiserate! I feel for your situation. I have a loving hubby, fairly frequent contact with my two kids in college, fulltime job, dog - and the house still feels empty, and I feel lonely. I imagine that it will be even harder for you. :( Today, I went and checked out fitness clubs; one thing I plan to do with my "emptinest symdrome" is get in shape. I plan to take more tap classes, play more music and practice my violin more often, lift weights 3x a week, and lose 5lbs. I think filling up time with things I enjoy doing will help. I hope :eek:</p>
<p>For some people, the pain of coming home to an empty house can be tempered with a pet. I don't mean to say a dog will replace your son, but just having something respond to the fact that you're home is nice - plus the added duties help fill some of the idle time between work and evening activities. Plus, if you talk to the cat it doesn't seem as wierd as talking to yourself!</p>
<p>I was just about to suggest getting a puppy. Almost as much work as a son, but more friendly a lot of the time!</p>
<p>I would also suggest making friends, joining clubs, finding more social outlets, volunteering, joining a board, getting a new hobby, learning something new, or something along those lines.</p>
<p>anxiousmom, I think you are on the right track. Volunteer somewhere, join a health club, do something that will get you out and about where you will meet other people. Not to say a pet isn't great but it isn't the same as developing a network of friends to do things with. You can't take your dog along to a Sunday matinee on a hot day. (Although lately I seem to see handbag dogs everywhere, including the grocery store-yuk).</p>
<p>Wow, you did it! You accomplished the thing we are all striving for. Now it's your turn. Your life is yours, what do you want to do? Take up a hobby, tap dancing, tennis, golf, quilting, book clubs, cooking classes. What was it you always were going to get to, but haven't yet. A hobby with new friends would be great. But, congratulations.</p>
<p>If your other adult children and their families live nearby, ramp-up being "Grandmother" with their kids. Having grandkids in the house for an extended period of time can sometime remind you that there are times when being alone is not totally insufferable.</p>
<p>We had an exchange student in our home last year (but S was at home too as a HS) and that can be space filling.</p>
<p>My next door neighbor's wife died and he now has a roomie at 60+ in his home. Actually he says it is enjoyable. I hear them outside BBQ-ing, etc.</p>
<p>I have gone into gardening in a big way. I suggest trying anything (legal) that is quasi-addictive to replace the empty feeling.</p>
<p>My first thought was the friends I know that have kids who have kids, are so busy babysitting their grandchildren they don't have time for extensive hobbies.</p>
<p>But I was also thinking that this is a great time to do- something for you.
Go back to school, spend more time on a hobby or something that I have been doing all along, is volunteering with local organizations with kids.</p>
<p>They * really* need people. There are so many organizations that work to help young people, in our area not just the local school system, but for example FirstPlace- which provides support and education for homeless kids, Treehouse- that provides support and structure for kids who are in foster care, YouthCare- provides support-education training for teens on their own. </p>
<p>All private organizations- I am involved with all of them to varying degrees, and I am not the only one who sees the need as too hard to pass up. Many of these kids desperately need someone positive & consistent in their lives- and I really have gotten more from them than I feel I have given. I would highly recommend finding a way to stay involved with kids if that is something that you enjoy.</p>
<p>I have gone into gardening in a big way.
Mee too :)
After spending the summer ripping out all my sod ( well Im not done yet) and making beds, using only hand tools, I am registered to begin a landscape design program later this month. I was having so much fun I thought that heck- I could do this for a living ! ;)</p>
<p>W and I attended a 10 night course at the local college on landscape design. We became good friends with the licensed landscaper who taught the course. He has been giving us ideas.</p>
<p>We are doing the beds. We now spend a lot of time in the yard and on the road (or Internet) looking for unique and interesting plants. As a matter of fact, I visited several different nurseries in three states on my return from dropping S at college.</p>
<p>musicmomma and coarranged. I wasn't suggesting becoming a drunk. My point was to suggest finding a passion that is very consuming. It leads to meeting all sorts of people with the same passion. What I wanted was the connection to a new and expanded group of people to fill the void of the former HS and parenting "team."</p>
<p>This is the time I dread. At the moment, my sons are 14 and 8, so it's not imminent, but I know how time flies. There are many things I'd like to do but can't, because I'm too busy with the kids/my job/the house. I'll offer my list, in case anything appeals to you.</p>
<p>In no particular order, I wish I had time to: kayak, do yoga and Pilates more regularly, garden (and visit White Flower Farm), be more active politically, see movies that do not appeal to teenage or younger boys, read books (I used to read a book a day, and belong to a book group, not any more), read the book on Chinese approaches to math education that tokenadult recommends and tutor underprivileged kids in math, do a sabbatical in astrophysics, make scrapbooks, become an EMT.</p>
<p>I think that because he is talented and you love him so much, this will in fact get you through. It took me 2 years (not 2 months) after the first one left, but I came to see that he had many more opportunities at college (in music, science, whatever else interests him) than under my roof. My joy in hearing about his expanded opportunities became larger than my sorrow over not seeing/hearing him right in front of me. I began to live more in the mind, less in the senses, to think of all the great things he was pursuing. The teachers were so much better at college than high school; he became mature; he met interesting people who came to visit with him (be sure to invite). You'll hear all about his enlarged world, because there are emails, cells and other ways to communicate as never before. So your love for him will see you through this next chapter.</p>
<p>Well said, PayingWT. Sad to say, I am not missing son as much as I thought I would. Knowing that he was so miserable in his senior year, with very few social opportunities (very small high school) has helped me. It is great to see him at a place that feels like a good 'fit', knowing that he already has some social activities set up, and a group to hang out with. That makes the lonesomeness at our house- bearable, and in fact, okay.</p>
<p>I greatly appreciate those words of wisdom from you. He has been there for me all the time, especially when I had 4 different cancers consecutively; now the idea of living alone haunts me, because who will be there to take care of me? I will feel miserable without him.</p>
<p>hmmmm, what are your hobbies, your passions</p>
<p>do you like to work out, see museums, see shows</p>
<p>I know that when my second D is gone, I am going to find ways to volunteer at a museum at night, or be an usher for plays, along with other volunteer stuff</p>
<p>soemtimes it means filling the time with something, so you aren't home alone everynight, some distractions</p>
<p>is there something you always wanted to learn, maybe a night class somewhere</p>