<p>Thanks, calmom, for the thoughts! I did sit down w/son and tell him how unlikely it would be that we could come up with much cash (at all) for this private school endeavor--it would have to be major merit scholarship combined w/significant financial aid---and this is a pretty long shot. I asked if he still wanted to go forward w/the application process, given the potential for not succeeding, and he said 'yes, definitely.' So, we'll see how it works.</p>
<p>I'm definitely going to apply for Johns Hopkins CTY program (he's already taken SATs for that) -- in case the boarding thing doesn't work out, he'll have another interesting challenge upcoming.</p>
<p>hazmat---very true, some schools do require that interview. But, fortunately there are a whole bunch of high-end schools within 45 minutes or an hour from our house. So it wouldn't be a huge imposition to travel there. It just had begun to <em>seem</em> like one, when I started evaluating how remote the chances seemed for sufficient aid...! :-)</p>
<p>If they are that close, seriously consider applying as a day student if the scholarship does not work out. In some boarding schools the financial difference is substantial and you would still have most of the advantages they offer.</p>
<p>Really? Son had tossed that idea to me re: his favorite school -- 'maybe you could drive me to/from?'</p>
<p>But...I thought an hour in the a.m. and then again at 6 p.m. (in rush hour traffic) would just be insane (& tough on the rest of the family). And, it would prob. turn into an hour and 15 min commute or an hour and 1/2 in bad traffic.</p>
<p>But...maybe not? Now I'm considering it...!</p>
<p>I guess he could apply both as a boarding/day student?</p>
<p>Honestly, I'd really love the idea of him not living away (despite all the valid advantages of the experience!)</p>
<p>Jolynne, many schools with long commutes arrange for buses and/or car pools (that parents may pay for) from the edges of their commuting area. That was certainly true for both of my kids' schools.</p>
<p>However, a long commute can make life very difficult--hard to come back in the evening for labs or a play--as well as chewing up much needed time. Plus there's the temptation to let the kid start doing the drive him/herself very early, which can lead to inexperienced-driver accidents. </p>
<p>My D loved not commuting; it turned out that the morning drive to school (which had been less than 15 minutes) invariably left her carsick; by staying at school, she got more sleep and felt way better at the beginning of the day.</p>
<p>However, if your son applies both day/boarding, you'll be able to see if the school is one of those fighting to fill spaces in the boarding school; they may stipulate boarding.</p>
<p>Jolynne,<br>
Our son is a day student at a boarding school and there have been times when I have wondered if it wouldnt be better for him to board, even though we only live 5 minutes from the school (his school has a rule that days students must live in the same town or the contiguous communities). The day students, in many ways, do have the best of both worlds because they have full access to all of the facilities at school and the comforts of home, BUT they have to be very proactive socially because the boarding students form very close relationships with each other and day students can get left out simply because they arent around all of the time. I wouldnt recommend a long commute because boarding schools usually schedule sports in the afternoon and a variety of activities on the weekend. Our son is rarely at home because he is busy with the obligatory activities at school. I really dont know how we would handle his schedule if we added a 40 minute drive on top of everything else. I am a converted fan of boarding schools. Both of our children have attended as day students and our daughter boarded during her last year of high school, which was excellent preparation for college.</p>
<p>Ive seen quite a few kids at our sons school who knew that they wanted to go to boarding school and initiated the entire process. They are very impressive young people with a great deal of promise (like your son!) and I think that they are an excellent addition to any school. Good luck to your son with his quest!</p>
<p>Hmmm...maybe now the commuting is not sounding so good (clearly I'm open to suggestion on this (new to me) topic ...!).</p>
<p>I <em>do</em> know for a fact that when I used to commute about an hour for work I was toasted. Absolutely exhausted (whereas my husband can drive hours without blinking an eye). Something to consider (since I'd be the driver in any day scenario...and I'm sure we're too far for a bus/carpool).</p>
<p>Jolynne, why don't you take a step back and talk to your son about why he wants to go to boarding school. You know, it is ok to say no - it is easy to get so caught up in the idea of the prestige or whatever perceived benefits the private schools offer and forget that you are still the parent of a 14 year old kid and the kid can't always get everything he wants. It sounds like you are not fond of the idea of your son leaving home right now and commuting is not a good idea for your family. Given the finances, I think maybe it would be appropriate for you to simply tell your son that boarding school is not a good option for your family.</p>
<p>I am sure that I will get flamed for this -- because people always jump all over me when I post this concern -- but I think that the fascination with prestige private schools and colleges really does a disservice to families whose incomes and lifestyles would require a sacrifice to send their kids to those places. There are many ways in which a bright and highly motivated high schooler can build more challenge into his own life and education -- and probably quite a few that would be more meaningful and rewarding in the long run. The boarding schools your son wants probably do offer an excellent education, but there is also a hype factor you need to disregard -- the qualitative difference between public high school & boarding school is probably not nearly as much as your son imagines it to be.</p>
<p>I am a senior at a "prestigious" boarding school right now, so I hope I can offer some insight. Having also attended a public high school, I can say that the difference is very big. Class sizes are very small, on average 11. My smallest class was an advance language class with only 4 students. More importantly, teachers are here because they love to teach - several teachers even have PhDs! Nearly all teachers live on campus and are accessible for help all day long. Regarding finances, a lot of (admittedly the more affluent) boarding schools offer excellent financial aid - I am personally recieving around 15k a year in grants. Personally I have no regrets of attending boarding school. Boarding schools can be an excellent place for the right student.</p>
<p>I think people are just trying to be encouraging - that no one should discount the possibility of attending a b.s. without first really visiting and trying to get financial aid. </p>
<p>This is the appropriate discussion, imo, for this time of year. I know, from having read this forum a couple years, that when parents post with either disappointing news or decisions to be made (in the spring) that posters are helpful with suggestions and supportive of the decisions individuals make. Calmom's points are valid and something anyone thinking of sending a child should consider. It does sound to me like the idea is new to Jolynne's family and with the deadlines coming up they need to apply and learn as they go; decide it's not for them; or gather more information and apply for next year. </p>
<p>Anyone who posts on this board is really 'into' education so it doesn't surprise me that they would be encouraging of a 14 year old who says he thinks he needs 'x'. In the end it is a family decision and finances are a major part of that. I know that if J's son stays at his public school, there will be no end to the suggestions posters will make to get him what he needs/wants.</p>
<p>I have questioned my son (at length) about why he wants to do this boarding school/private school thing (thinking there was some problem w/his current school, friends, etc.). Everything seems okay; he says he wants the educ. opportunity and chance to be around other high-achieving kids, etc.</p>
<p>I talked to my husband this morning (feeling regret about faciliating son's application process when we've got so little -- if anything -- to spare for financial contribution). He said we've gone too far to pull the plug now (SSATs taken, a visit made, apps piled up on the desk). But he'll talk to him about the remoteness of the possibility. :-(</p>
<p>Again, appreciate all the varying perspectives/experience/suggestions!</p>
<p>Both my sons are in private school. One is at a K-12 day school (26 minute commute with carpool) and the other is a PG at a boys boarding school 50 miles and 1.5 hrs from here after graduating in June '05 from the local public school. He's headed to an Ivy next fall. </p>
<p>I love the independent school culture -- not for the prestige factor, but for the excitement about learning excellence. My 8th grader is not only taking 10th grade French, but is "auditing" second year Latin. And not only auditing at the invitation of the teacher, but has decided to do the term paper too! </p>
<p>My PG athlete is learning things that were never taught in public school. He's learning study skills and time management, and we see him applying himself. He skated through public school with decent grades, trading on being a bright handsome jock. Now, he's challenging himself to see just much he can really achieve in a focused academic environment. And it's working!</p>
<p>Ditto the comments from parents of boarding kids. The educational experience at one of these schools is simply superior to public school. I know I will be the one getting flamed this time, but here's my 2 cents.</p>
<p>Like Hoopsguy, my daughters classes are extremely small. There is no clowning around, no disappearing in the back of the room. If the student hasn't done the reading, it's obvious to everyone and thwarts the classroom experience. The students are motivated or they wouldn't be there. At D's school, class participation is worth 20% of the grade in EVERY class. (Sad to say, my D is a solid B student and her reluctance to participate is why she loses the 20%. ) I should note that she was a straight A student when she left public middle school and would probably be a val if she stayed. </p>
<p>The public school in our town is the best in the region. Not a month goes by without a parent asking me why we sent her away. Yes, kids from the public school get into good schools, but there are 12-15 valedictorians every year and 66/120 kids D's age making highest honors! Never mind grade, never mind what schools the kids get into, we chose the private BS because of the education D would receive. At this point (senior year), she is better educated that either my husband or myself, and we're both college grads. (public HS, middle of the road colleges). This is not about prestige. It's about your philisophical approach to education. We wanted D to spend the HS years obtaining the finest liberal arts education we could provide and figured college would supplement that. Grads of good BS or private schools will probably tell you that college is easy compared to high school!</p>
<p>So, those are my thoughts as a parent. Easy on the flaming, please! :)</p>
<p>No flaming from me! Great summary, baseballmom. Something that has been important in my son's development has been the relationships with teachers he has formed at his boarding schools (especially this latest one). Much of the faculty lives on or adjacent to campus, and they spend a lot of time outside the classroom with the kids. My son's advisor, who is also his coach and history teacher, does not lock the door to his home. The kids are welcome to walk in at any time, spend the night if they need some quiet time away from the dorm, or just come by for a snack. Some of the younger faculty take the kids to paintball or snowboarding. My son is a kid who does better with adults who are NOT his parents, and he has gotten tremendous intellectual stimulation and good mentoring from these adults. (one minor glitch- his AP Stat teacher is a 23 year old (cute) female who he, unfortunately, regards as more of a peer)<br>
The other thing that is neat- and seems to be the case at most of the boarding schools- is the support for ALL sports. I think the kids are required to be in a sport (obviously, if you are physically capable), and the kids really support each other. At many public schools, outside of the major sports, there isn't much support.<br>
In our part of the country, and probably elsewhere, the sense of community is not what it was when I was growing up. I won't rehash this point, but things really are different. The boarding school forces my son to think of other people and to not be so self-absorbed. When something happens that affects the community, the support and love that is visible is really incredible.</p>
<p>MOWC-Yes, those "somethings" that happen are certainly interesting to hear about. A common punishment for violations at D's school is 40-hour work detail. Work includes mopping up and washing tables in the dining hall, yard work, etc. The other kids see this and tease the "prisoner" in a kindly way. The public pennance is good for all to see.</p>
<p>During the first week of D's freshman year, a girl in her dorm passed out on the street while returning from a restaurant with a group of friends. The boys helped her home, the proctors, nurse, dean, and asst. headmaster were roused out of bed. The other 11 girls in the dorm were put into lockdown while the investigation was conducted. The boys and girls accompanying her were interrogated. The adults were convinced it was alcohol or drugs and were ready to take urine samples. Everyone clammed up except for one freshman boy who said she ate a few bites of food, went to the bathroom, and came back smelling of vomit. He said he knew the girls were covering for her, but she needed help. </p>
<p>The next day, there was a dorm meeting and the evening's events were rehashed and food disorders discussed at length. That horrible night unified the girls in the dorm and they learned that they needed to look out for each other and seek the assistance of adults if they saw trouble brewing.</p>
<p>That little story is but one of many my D could tell. Yes, the kids make mistakes, but they learn to manage freedoms and live by rules while being monitored. BS provides a transition to living on your own that's not there if you go straight from home to the university.</p>
<p>A few comments from a parent who did not send kids to boarding school but knows a few who did. A friend of mine was not satisfied with the education his D was receiving first in the public school then in a small private school. He sent her to Andover where she loved it so much she hardly came home, despite the fact that it was only 45mns away. She thrived and is now a freshman at an Ivy.</p>
<p>Boarding school is not just about academics; it is a 24-hour community. The sight of other students studying can be a powerful incentive for students who might otherwise slack off to also study. Boarding school makes many ECs, whether it is community service, journalism or drama easier to organize as everyone is on campus. </p>
<p>Private schools that are cater to both boarders and day students can be a mixed blessing. Gianscolere, a former CC poster, got a scholarship to attend Milton Academy but was unhappy there. Partly it was that Milton is a mix of boarders and day students, which he felt made it more difficult to create a strong sense of community; partly he missed home. Despite the fact that Milton tried to keep him by offering a full ride, he decided to return to Chicago to his so-so high school.</p>
<p>The elite private schools are like elite colleges in terms of their endowment. They can afford to provide generous scholarships to needy students, as a result of which they are often more diverse than the less well-endowed private boarding schools. Chinaman's S got a full ride at Exeter and is now happily attending Princeton. Some of the lesser private schools accept students who could not get into good schools in their home countries or were expelled for behavior problems. A former housemaster of a lesser-known private school told us that one international student terrorized and even tortured other students from his country into buying drugs for him. It took him a lot of skills and patience to unmask the culprit, as they were too scared of him to come forward. </p>
<p>So the boarding school experience can vary from the wonderful to the miserable, from the extremely expensive to the inexpensive, from the academically challenging to the not very different from an ordinary high school. A lot of research is definitely needed.</p>
<p>I don't need to tell you this, but your son is at one of the best and most nurturing boarding schools in the country. I loved my experience there very much indeed.
No experience which came afterward, from a highly regarded liberal arts college, to medical school and later the Cleveland and Mayo Clinics, came close to doing for me what Blair did. It changed my life. It will do the same for your son.</p>
<p>The point that seems to be lost here - that I was trying to make - is that (1) private school tuition is a luxury expenditure for many families, and (2) a parent who is reluctant to have a 14 or 15 year old live away from home is in a very different situation than the parent of a college-age youngster. To me, what is telling about Jolynne's situation is that her son does not have any problem or complaint with his current high school ... he's just looking for more challenge. Which would be great if their family could afford it.... but it sounds like they can't. And it is very possible that if the son stays in public school he would be able to take the AP and honors courses is school offers and also emerge at the top of his class, and later qualify for excellent merit scholarships at private colleges -- whereas at boarding school he may do well but perhaps not be able to distinguish himself, and then find himself without the funds to attend anything other than the state university. So a decision to go for the gold right now might work to his disadvantage in the long run. </p>
<p>My own experience with public schools is that there is always a core group of very engaged kids and that they also develop a sense of community as the years go on, and they tend to be taking the same set of AP classes. So a kid who is feeling frustrated as a freshman may feel very differently as sophomore or junior when he has the opportunity to get into some of the tougher classes his high school offers. I also don't think that there is a great value in hands on parenting during the teenage years -- I honestly think that my role as a parent was most important for my kids at ages 13-17, even though it was also the most challenging for me. So I understand Jolynne's discomfort. </p>
<p>What I wouldn't want to see is Jolynne and her husband feeling caught in 6 months when perhaps their son gets into boarding school with a partial scholarship, but they are faced with coming up with funds that they really can't afford. There are always emergencies in life, such as unexpected injury or illness, where we parents of modest means may have to come up with money one way or another -- but boarding school usually isn't one of them. College is enough of a financial squeeze without adding to the burden by accellerating the time when the money needs to be paid out.</p>
<p>Calmom-my niece went to Exeter for $3,500 per year! If she had never applied, she'd never know what she missed, and her acceptance chances would have been zip! I have another friend whose daughter was admitted to St. Pauls and they had to come up with $5k per year. The wife didn't want to have to get a job, so she was sent to public school. The daughter cried for weeks. What a sin.</p>
<p>The luckiest applicants to these schools are the rich and the poor. For them, money is not an issue. If you are middle class (as my niece's parents are with a $140k income), it's a crap shoot. They happened to have another daughter in college, so the math worked in their favor. </p>
<p>I say apply, especially if the kid is charged up. When the fat envelopes come in, then, and only then, do you know if you can afford it!</p>
<p>Baseballmon,
I thought that to get financial aid, both parents had to be working. I'm suprised to hear that your friend only had to come up with $5000 for St. Pauls, though she was not working.</p>