10 char
Procrastination is about fear. She probably doesn’t even know why she’s fearful or what she’s afraid of. (change, failure, moving from home, loosing affection from the BF, loosing approval from you) But the cause doesn’t really matter. What maters is her behavior and approach to the college process.
xiggi gives good advice above.
Cancel the Jan test.
Tie allowance and fun activities to “college app stuff”.
Make a big chart on the wall.
Sections to track her current academic progress.
Sections for Sat prep.
sections to list colleges of interest.
sections to list interset emails
Sections to list visits.
Award her five to ten bucks /or lift to a friends / or a sleep over / or new boots for each “accomplishment”.
Make her “check” her cell phone at the door. You and others in house do this to. (phone goes on charger in box).
She can have for 15 minutes after dinner and 15 minutes before bed.
Put parental control on the computers limiting internet access. No laptop in the bedroom. Give her time limits and check the history. She will hate you. Stick to your guns. ( I unplugged our internet router and took it with me to bed so the kids didn’t stay-up ichating and watching netflix.
Dont take this the wrong way, but she needs new habits. Kids listen to 20% of what you say and 80% of what you do. You need to show her by consistent example what is acceptable. Take time and go over the practice sections with her. Ask about her home work. Break out the calendar and schedule some visits. One day a week do something not schooly with just you and her, take a walk, see a movie, have some laughs, talk, talk, talk. Get her to verbalize about herself, her strong points, what she likes, her opinions, what she avoids. This will get her gears turning in the right direction.
If her PSATS are really that bad compared to her grades, you should think about taking a practice ACT. Or even SAT optional schools.
^This sounds WAY too controlling to me, and likely just won’t work. She WILL hate her mom, and likely still WON’T get engaged in her college search. Lose-lose.
Allowing a kid the freedom to self sabotage doesn’t help them find a path through procrasination and the underlying self esteam issue either. The OP daughter is lucky. Her mom/dad is paying attention and noticed a “shift” in daughters typical patterns.
Take away her phone. I have survived three and a half years without my own phone (I borrow a family cell for trips, etc). She can survive without a phone. If you really think texting is the problem, then grab the phone. Explain the situation to her bf, and if he doesn’t understand or gets mad and stays like that, then I’m pretty sure he’s not the right type for your daughter anyway. If he gets mad initially then that’s acceptable because he’s a teen
What you have to with your d other than jus takin away her phone is to talk to her more. I wasn’t motivated for the SATs that much, but my parents enrolled me in a summer boot camp that was very rigorous but boosted my score by 250 points. My parents convinced me that after I was done with my SATs, I would be carefree for the rest of my junior year (I took the SAT in October of my junior year and coasted through the school year. I did take hard AP courses but it was really much easier on e it got off my back).
The thing was, my parents were kind of lying. Selectig and applying to colleges came after SATs. If she knows this, then just say it won’t be as hard or come up with a semi true statement. If she doesn’t, then you should be fine. I believed my parents because I didn’t know how hard the application process (esp the essays) would be. She might not know if she’s just texting her bf all day (unless they’re talking about the college stuff)
In all honesty pushing her and taking things away from most likely won’t do a thing ( if she’s anything like me aha). I’m currently junior as well honestly not to excited about studying for the SATs. I personally think you should just have take them in January even she hasn’t studies. Let make that mistake so can learn it. know it was bad score would definitely motivate better. Also half the stuff people are telling you on here seem very over controlling. If your daughter really is a perfectionist she will figure out a plan for herself and learn from her mistakes. Just my two cents
“Taking things away” ?
Where’s the downside to setting up a home culture which isn’t punitive but rather:
rewards prodcutive behavior,
doesn’t support 24/7 texting,
encourages personal conversation and sharing of opinions,
allows time to pursue interests and hobbies?
The OP daughter was discourgaged by her PSAT score. Why set her up for another disappointment? Why not focus on progressive improvement?
Right now, we’ve decided she is going to take them in Jan, and do her best to study when she can before that. She understands she gets 2 more tries after this, but why spend so much time on it? I told her the quicker she gets a score she is happy with, the quicker it is done and out of the way! I’ve seen a few flash cards spread out on her dresser, so maybe she’s starting to look at them a bit. Also, all of her friends are taking it in the spring, so I’m hoping she’s more motivated then.
As mentioned by previous posters, use bribery…er, um, positive reinforcement.
There must be something she wants: manicures, makeup, clothing, spending money, whatever. Have her do practice tests and set up a reward system.
I expect that will motivate her to find the time in her busy schedule.
Well, her January test date came and was postponed for 2 weeks due to weather. She didn’t start studying until the night before, and she hasn’t looked at the book since. I think in her mind, she knows she is going to take them more than once, so why bother with the first one when she has 2 more shots. Also, the fact that she is still unsure about college since she has no ideas on what she would want to do. I think I am going to sit down with her and tell her that we are willing to pay for the test 2 times, not 3. I will give her any opportunity for her to prepare for them both times…prep classes, tutoring, studying with her, etc… She can choose the 2 dates. I will even pay to have this one changed (still tossing this around being that it’s not my fault she didn’t make the effort to be prepared for this one). I will also explain one more time that all I can do is give her the opportunity…what she does with it is up to her. However, this is a key to her LONG TERM future. It’s important enough that if she needs to give up a few hours of socializing for a few weeks, it will definitely be worth it in the long run.
I recommend Debbie Stier’s book “The Perfect Score Project.” When I first read about it in The New Yorker, I thought it was a crazy idea. Essentially the author’s son was not motivated to study for the SAT so she decided that she was going to study for and take the SAT as a way of motivating him. I think she ended up taking it 9 times! I would never consider doing something that extreme myself but she had a lot of good advice about adolescent psychology as well as how to prepare for various sections of the SAT. I don’t think two weeks is enough time but she probably could take it in March. Honestly, I think the best preparation is taking as many timed practice tests as possible and then reviewing the mistakes with a tutor if possible. I’ve heard several people say that a student should have taken minimum 5 timed practice tests before the actual test and ideally 10. The tests in the “blue book” (Official SAT Book) are fine.
I just think she’s blowing off this first one completely since she thinks she has 2 more shots. I’m hoping if I narrow it down to 2 shots total and give her some control over WHEN she’s going to take it, it will help a bit. She’s got a gigantic study book with flash cards, practice tests, etc… She just doesn’t look at it!
If she thinks that the first time won’t count because she’s taking it 3 times, she’s dead wrong.
True. Some schools – Yale and Stanford come to mind but I am sure there are others – want to see all SAT scores.