My 17 yo dd has always been a perfectionist with her schoolwork until recently. Her grades are still great, but she has become a major procrastinator, and just doesn’t care as much. She has no idea what she wants to go to college for, and has even said she is considering not going at all! She took the PSATs and did not do well at all. She is scheduled to take the SATs in 3 weeks, and she has yet to pick up the prep book that she “needed” to have 6 months ago. She’s also yet to look over the PSATs to study off of them. Whenever we ask her why she hasn’t started to study, she says she has no time because of the projects at school. However, 75% of her time she is texting her boyfriend. Would you force your child to study? I know that won’t make her any more motivated, but I’m not sure what to do. I know she will probably be taking the SATs at least one if not 2 more times after this, but should I lay low with it and let her bomb this first one by not studying?? She gets very stressed when I even mention college, because all of her friends know exactly where they are going and for what, and she is clueless. She hates the fact that it is the first question out of everyone’s mouth. I get she is stressed, but this is important! Is this first round super important? Should I force her to take a prep class for the next round? Any advice would be appreciated!
Well it’s her decision, ultimately.
I agree that the SAT, while important, is not a motivating test. However in this day and age, not going to college will make it very difficult to find good jobs/careers since the majority of occupations now require some college education, or a degree. Just tell her to bear through the SAT once and get it over with.
As for colleges, lots of people still don’t know by mid junior year.
Sounds like discussing the anxiety/overwhelm could help. Perhaps it would help her to know that most 17 years old don’t really know what they want to do and those that say they’re sure now often change their minds. If she says she’s considering not going to college, ask her why and what she’s considering instead. (Not knowing your daughter, there’s no way to know if she’s serious about considering not going or simply being provocative.) Does she need a gap year?
She doesn’t have a plan b at this point either. Although, after a spa appt for her b-day a few days ago, she mentioned that the lady doing her manicure mentioned stripping as a very lucrative career choice. She actually seemed to find it fascinating! I honestly want to report the place! That comment definitely didn’t make her more motivated to study for them!
I don’t think forcing her to do anything (like studying or taking SAT classes) would really work. I agree with @milkweed. Try to help her deal with the stress.
I am/was actually extremely similar to your daughter from what you’ve described, but you have to let her understand that many students apply to colleges undecided and choose their major in their sophomore/junior year of college. Even if she has no clue what college she wants to go to, there’s still a lot of time for her to research, visit, and figure it out. Right now she should be focusing on nailing the SAT instead of stressing out about those things that will come LATER.
To me it sounds like the part about not wanting to go to college is mostly due to frustration. Once she calms down, she will probably be willing to study on her own.
Cut practice tests in smaller sections and pay her 10 to 20 dollars for each taken and reviewed section. Cut all other allowances out.
Oh, and cancel the January test.
I have stressed to her repeatedly how it is not important to know what you want to do at this point. I’ve told her may people don’t declare majors until the end of their sophomore year in college. Her point of view is why waste the money on 2 years of school since there is no guarantee she will even decide after that. I’ve told her that even if she did think she knew what she wanted to do, I would almost STILL rather her start off with purely general courses for the first year or so. The more I remind her to study for them, the more she resists. Since the test this month is already paid for, would you recommend still having her take them even though she didn’t even pick up a book, or would it be better to cancel this one altogether? Will the bad scores be seen by the colleges? I was told by several people that you can show the colleges only your highest scores? I’m thinking maybe if she bombs this and sees that other friends perhaps did better by preparing for them, maybe that would be a bit of a motivation for the next round?
As far as helping her deal with the stress, whenever I try to ask her how we can try to budget her time better, she says that she is the best time manager she knows! She says that this is just the way hs is and everyone is in the same boat. I’ve asked her to talk to the guidance counselor, but she refuses. I thinks since the boyfriend, she is more occupied with texting him 24/7, and less interested in the rest. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe it is very stressful for her as well, but I think she definitely would have the time to get things done much quicker if she managed her time better. I’m going to put off any potential college discussions or visits until the summer, but these tests are important and can’t wait until then. In her mind, she just doesn’t seem to see the point of taking them if she doesn’t think she is going to college! I can’t seem to make her realize that she may change her mind at some point, and by closing doors by not at least TRYING to do decently on these tests, she will end up having a much harder time. That’s really all I asked her…was to not close any doors.
Some colleges ask for all the scores and some do not. Some good colleges are SAT optional.http://www.fairtest.org/university/optional
Canceling January test is certainly an option. There are other dates in the spring.
College visits can sometimes get a student excited about college so I’m not sure I’d put them all off.
What year is her boyfriend and what is he planning on doing after h.s? Is your daughter possibly concerned about
going to college and being away from him?
Guidance counselors are frequently not able to counsel or guide students despite the title.
Would your daughter be able to discuss her thoughts about plans with an outside counselor of some sort (career? college? therapist?) Does she have friends who have gone to college and like it?
If it were me, I’d try not to push cause pushing may lead to pushback.
Her boyfriend is a jr as well. As of right now, he is planning on going to NYU, but only because his brother is going there as well, and he will know someone. She has only been dating him for 3 months, so I don’t know how motivated he is in anything yet. Maybe a day trip on a weekend to a college within an hour or 2 of us wouldn’t be a bad idea. I’m just thinking that she’s so sick of hearing about college, a break would do her good. If I canceled the SAT, I’m wondering if having her fork over half the cancellation fee would be a good idea. Again, it’s not like she truly didn’t have time to study, she just hasn’t made time for it! We cancelled the SAT once already because she wanted to wait to get the PSAT results back first so she could use them as a study guide, which she hasn’t done anyway. Maybe I will call her guidance counselor as well to see what she thinks would be the best way to go about it as far as the scoring visibility goes.
Being a teenager and being in love (I mean dating and you know hormones here, hormones there) it is kind of difficult to deal with it. I king of understand your daughter, it is pretty overwhelmed these days to think about going to college, lots of homework, Ap tests. I’m saying this because I have been through this. Does forcing her to study for the sat is a good idea? I don’t think so. I’m not quite sure if it would be a good idea to cancel the test. There are two sides, the first one is, she will have a better idea of her weaknesses and how is the test “zone”.However, getting a bad test can make her feel more confused and can lead to depression (which happened to me). The best strategy that I would apply is talking with her (in a good mood) telling her that if she gets a good score she will have better opportunities to get accepted by a good school. But also the motivation should come from her because she will be the person who is going to take the test. PREP classes are not going to make any effect (IMO). Without motivation any prep class is worthless. Talk to her in a good way. She does have time to figure out her major, but that doesn’t means that you should be very flexible. If she keeps doing that until her senior year, then I would suggest to just tell her that after Hs, she would be by her own.
Spare the rod and spoil (ruin the future of) the child
What about taking some of the pressure off? Have her still take the SAT in January, but tell her that it is a dry run, she will welcome to do it cold (without any prep) if she would like – the goal is to have her just see the test (obviously, don’t have the scores sent anywhere – not even to her school). We did this for the ACT – my child was feeling so much pressure and was resisting going at all (fear talking). Once the pressure was off – and the goal was to get a better idea of what the test would be like for the “real” test day – everything went fine. The score for the cold test was better than expected, and was the motivator for studying (if that is what I got cold, let’s see what happens when I study).
The “real” test was diligently studied for over the summer without any nagging (I did hide treats around the house and when practice tests were completed and sent pictures to me at work – the location of the treat was revealed. And when I say treats, it was nothing extravagant – gum, bag of favorite chips, candy bar, new fun socks, starbucks $5 card. That actually made it much for fun for both of us – and was more about a time management thing. Because was interested in what the treat was and where it was hidden, practice tests were taken first thing in the morning rather than waiting until late at night when tired or pushing aside to “do later”). It worked…and the real score was high enough to get into a top 20 school ED.
Haha, Pavlov meets the ACT! Fwiw, unprepared “dry” runs are just a waste of a Saturday. The student took the PSAT and time has come to stop screwing around. A dry run is yet another excuse.
Studying is a job, she needs a schedule. Less boyfriend, more studying. Cancel January test if she won’t commit to daily preparation. And take her on college visit on weekday while in session so she can hear admissions first hand. Leave boyfriend at home.
One of my daughters was like that. Great GPA and EC’s but blew the PSAT’s and would not study! :(( I tried everything. I even sent her to a one week SAT boot camp. I think she texted the entire time! Needless to say she applied to a lot of test optional schools. She got into all those schools. So glad she has matured in college.
Try asking her bf to encourage her and talk with her abt it. May be he’ll be her source of motivation.
Not so sure the bf would be a source of encouragement on this one. I’m still trying to figure out if I even like him lol
With my daughter, several years ago now, we had her take the Dec. SAT as a dry run, like another poster here commented. When she saw the results, she got more motiviated albeit grudgingly (she preferred to study for AP Euro!)
Anyway, my mantra to her (and now to my son) is that you don’t have find a college, you just need to explore options so that you have a group of colleges to apply to. I told them this because I thought it would reduce the pressure, plus it is true. I don’t believe there is only one perfect place for each student. In your daughter’s case, since she is not sure she even wants to go to college, tell her she has lots of time to make a decision about that but if she takes the SAT or ACT tests this spring, she is leaving her options open. The idea is to let her know that doing the work now will give her options later but that she is not commiting to one path.
Tell her you will pay for the SAT once, and any future sittings for the SAT I are on her. She can either start studying or reschedule with that info. The more you push, the harder she will push back. She may end up at a CC or taking a gap year…
Also, I would tell her if she wants to make any visits, what timeframe & parameters you are willing to pay for them within. Nothing worse than a student scrambling to start visits fall of senior year. Also, if you have a college budget, tell her now. Tell her you will help her run net price calculators if she identifies schools. A copy of the Fiske book might be a good resource to provide. Then I would sit back…