<p>I'd like to hear from parents how much down time your son or daughter typically indulges in or has available. I'm especially interested in what parents of high-achievers in academics and multitudinous ECs report.</p>
<p>In addition, how much free time do you believe should be "allowed" (iow, how much is too much and when would your internal warning signals go off -assuming grades are OK.)</p>
<p>I have boys that are addicted to computer gaming-there are times in which I would gladly embrace a Luddite sort of mind-set. I contrast this easy form of entertainment to all the exploration my husband and I did at the same age through hands-on experimentation, reading, day-dreaming, etc. There are so many opportunities available in our garage alone--rocketry, plastics, radio, woodworking, automotives and alternative computer stuff. </p>
<p>Except for indoor track after school and weekly away meets, he basically has many hours free daily since homework doesn't take him too long except on some rare days. Weekends are like a long computer fest on some of the interactive games (Everquest, Warcraft). He's an A student otherwise, although none of this is bringing his verbal skills into optimum usage. </p>
<p>Please describe how your kids use their time and if you've had this problem of a mono-hobby, how you countered it (if you even see this as a problem)</p>
<p>Have 3 boys, 19,17,14. Friends of theirs played and still play CS. And it is more than a hobby for some of them. Lan parties, etc. When I thought it was too much, and too much=any time at all while in MY home, I put a password on the computer. And only I know it. Solved the problem. My boys also are football players so they were/are too tired when they get home to play anything. They just want to get their homework done and rub aspercreme all over themselves. And since football is in the fall, they wrestle in the winter and play baseball in the spring.</p>
<p>They only ask for the password for dictionary.com and the Chem AP website. Everquest and Warcraft are online interactive games, I think and require a monthly payment??? I wouldn't pay. And I would put on a password. My boys were/are also straight A students, DS#2 is #1 in his class. And he doesn't want to know the password any more. </p>
<p>If your son has that much free time, I might suggest either that he takes a harder courseload or that he finds one or two more productive ec's. I really believe that ec's should be something the student enjoys rather than whatever looks good on an application, so with luck he'll find something else to occupy him that won't make him feel like he's all work and no play.</p>
<p>My 14 year old is much like your son. He loves his CS games to the point of obsession. Like Katwkittens boys, when he became involved with football this past fall, all of that changed. He was way too tired after practice and games to do much more than homework and fall into bed. Interestingly, as he got more exercise and stopped playing CS games, his personality also became much more pleasant. We noticed this especially after the football season ended when he went back to playing CS games. </p>
<p>Luckily, he seems to realize this as well and requested a weight bench for Christmas. He is also going to start conditioning for the next football season in April which should break him away from the CS world again.</p>
<p>I do think that there is an addictive quality to playing computer games - at least, for my son. He does not seem able to pull himself away from them easily unless we offer him an alternative or he finds one like football on his own.</p>
<p>As an aside, Katwkitens, I have to tell you that everything you told me about football came true - my son had the BEST time of his life and can't wait for the team to start up again. In addition to slimming him down and buffing him up into excellent physical shape, he absolutely adored the comraderie and team work of football. We were impressed with his coaches and their dedication and caring as well. I was dubious about it all but now I see that a good football program can be a wonderful experience for a boy this age.</p>
<p>Lionswim,
He's taking 4 AP courses this year and the rest are honors type. He'll be taking 5 AP next year and 2 college courses at our local liberal arts college. He is in Key Club, Engineering Club, Winter Track, and Academic Team which basically (except track) meet once a week and have 1 major competition. That doesn't take up much of his time. There aren't just oodles of things to choose from that he is interested in.
Although he's tired after track, he always finds time to play. He paid for the computer system out of his own money and his older brother pays for the subscription. (We're basically a wired family-my husband's doing.)</p>
<p>He tried football but hated it since those playing were basically so serious as encouraged to tap their "inner anger" to use on the field. He's just not an angry sort of guy and his build is more suitable to track. Even so, he doesn't have the natural flexibility that makes a good athlete. All the guys seem to like the weight training, it seems. </p>
<p>Part of the reason I think he spends a lot of time on line is that he hasn't been able to click with these local HS kids quite as well as those at our former locale--we're kind of out of the norm for our relocation area which is historically very insular, rural. Some of his old friends are also online on these computer games and he can interact with them there. I'd like him to find other fun things to do <em>willingly</em> rather than impose a top down order! He thinks if he gets a car it would make a difference.</p>
<p>I am so glad to hear your son's football experience was so rewarding. I have found that my boys have benefitted in so many ways. Oldest is now playing college ball and has found again why he loved it so much when he was younger. His senior year of high school ball was hard with a team headed to state championships. It was a team that had been groomed for 4 years to win and pressure was intense. They lost to their cross town rivals in the semi-finals. It was a huge let down and soured many of the players for football. But he was welcomed with open arms to his new team and moved from D line to O line. And he saw a lot of playing a time. And was hit a lot. A lot. </p>
<p>Same as high school, football table in the cafe, jerseys and suits on game day, laundry done for him...He loves it again. I hope I get the chance next year to go and watch a game. Some are televised but I would love to go. He's in MN.</p>
<p>We have a weight bench in the garage and it is used daily. I have a hard time during football season, worse in wrestling season, hate all those crunching bones...but they definately work in the off season. DS#2 went from heavy weight class (wrestling)to 170 lb from one year to next, made the football coach crazy! </p>
<p>That CS is nasty (at least for my boys), i tell them little toys for little boys! Keep him in football and encourage another sport, also have the boys in Key Club and Science Honors Club. Current hs junior is an officer in NHS now so there is NO TIME for comp games, or video games. Also have them tutoring others, so no rest for the wicked!!!</p>
<p>I so miss attending the games for my oldest, don't miss the hurts, but miss him and his charisma (he was team captain). His younger bro has big footsteps to fill. The self-esteem and confidence all the boys have gained have served them well and taught them to handle some tough situations. And for some reason even though DS#2 is #1 in his class with a 5.2 GPA with 13 APs under his belt, he is NOT seen as the smart geeky kid, but a varsity football player. Crazy, but interesting.</p>
<p>I wish your son the best next season, and you a great seat in the stands!!!</p>
<p>I think it is a boy thing. Mine can play XBox for hours at a time. Though he has also taken a liking to Texas Hold Em as well. He can also do that for hours.
During the school week we do our best to minimize the time he spends on it. We have insisted that he do team sports at school. During the season he was to busy to play but now it is off season and he has a regular school day till track starts up so he does have some evening free time. We got him a membership to the YMCA and we try to get him to go a few nights a week.<br>
In the summer it is a lot harder.
I also like Carolyn find that he is much more pleasant when he is not playing as much.
We have suggested he join some clubs but he has resisted. Takes to much time he says. What he really means is that he doesn't want to give up his X box time.
We suggested Chess Club and his younger elementary age sister told him that the Chess club was for dorks. Don't know where she picks up these things.</p>
<p>I also know that for the most part kids where we live have a ton of unstructured time.</p>
<p>It sounds like with your son, to some extent it is a bit of a solace for him from being away from his friends and in a community where he hasn't connected as much. My heart goes out to him--it's hard for boys, I think, to express that they are feeling lonely or isolated and the computer games, plus the opportunity to play on the internet with his old friends, is kind of nice for him. He certainly seems involved and if he is doing well in school, it may just be a matter of time before he finds a "live" group of friends. </p>
<p>On the occasions when I thought that my kids might be watching too much TV or playing too many computer games, I did remark on it to them, but I didn't force them to do something else. I think that often the kids know themselves that they are spending too much time on it, and they just need someone to tell them and their internal censor comes alive. </p>
<p>At our house, because our younger ones are girls, TV has been a bigger problem than video games and I have had to put a limit on it. At least there is an interactive component to the video games, which is completely lacking in passive TV watching! And the teenage programming is AWFUL.</p>
<p>The problem time for me is summer because of vast amounts of unscheduled time (my fault, really, for not planning ahead better). My solution for next summer is to schedule most of their minutes, because I truly got so sick of coming home to the TV on and dishes in the sink, and I resolved that it wasn't going to happen again.</p>
<p>who cares if he likes computer games? that's a boy thing. boys LOVE games. my father plays his playstation two every day as well. plus, you said he's doing great in school and taking hard classes. maybe suggest he get involved in something, but i don't see any problem with playing games on the computer.</p>
<p>Pretty much all males in Generation X and later grew up with video games and play them no matter how old they get. Look at how the marketing of adult games is now with Grand Theft Auto and such. Video games is the only thing that permits me from not being at the bar everynight.</p>
<p>I think it's just your son's business as to how he uses his free time. As long as he's doing fine in school, I don't think you really should step in and dictate to him that he should do more structured activities. If he wants to do extracurriculars, then good for him--but it has to be HIS decision.</p>
<p>Ballet soaked up most of my D's discretionary time though computer games such as "Baldur's Gate" and "Civilization" are her relaxations of choice. She's spending a fair chunk of her time home right now fiddling around with Dungeons & Dragons stuff, world building and character building.</p>
<p>My one concern--maybe it's just a strong preference--would be if your son isn't doing much recreational reading, which pays off in so many ways, even if some of it is "slumming" as with my D's penchant for YA fantasy.</p>
<p>A final caution: to much of this generation, "hand on experimentation" involves the opposite sex and I don't mean with rocketry.</p>
<p>Mine was a top student at an academically tough high school, did two varsity sports and all the snowboarding and poker he could in his non-sports season, yet still seemed to spend the majority of his time zoned out in front of the computer or tv. It bothered us, we nagged, he ignored. In the end he compiled an excellent high school record and got in to a top college. Looking back, I think the highly structured and competitive life he led required a lot of down time. Some just need time to recharge their batteries. Incidentally, I gather that these innocent activities go on in colleges, too.</p>
<p>I'm following this thread with great interest.</p>
<p>With the the amount of time my son (still young) has spent playing Gameboy, Playstation2 & computer games he could have found a cure for cancer by now.</p>
<p>Sports are not an option that he will do, as he is uncoordinated, small, slow and has no interest. He does martial arts & an instrument, and he reads a lot, but he still has tons of excess time on his hands.</p>
<p>Idler, You bring up an interesting point. Now that you mention it, our son's computer game time does seem to go up when he is under extra stress (or when he has a broken heart. :( ) I do think there may be an element of recharging his batteries. However, sometimes those batteries must be ready to fuel the universe based on the hours he spends in front of the computer. </p>
<p>We do worry because we have always seen signs of complusiveness in our son since he was very young - he tends to get very, very fixated on one activity or passion to the exclusion of everything (and everyone) else. While this is a good thing sometimes, in other cases, his passions have not always been healthy. He is definitely someone who I hope will never get attached to drinking, drugs or gambling.</p>
<p>Substitute band for sports, and Idler's description of his son could be mine, too. Also got into a top school. I think some of the kids on this site are way too over-programmed; I'm a big fan of down time for kids.</p>
<p>My DD had almost NO down time during HS, what with debate, lacrosse, and volunteer work. She's a socially outgoing kind of kid, and likes to be busy. My DS on the other hand, sounds a clone of most of these kids. Loves xbox and computer games, doesn't want to join clubs or volunteer, but is doing well in school. I know he needs a lot of down time away from other people. HS is exhausting and crowded and stressful! I have a hard time seeming him spend hours in front of the computer, and I try to encourage him to read and/or go outside - but ultimately, I feel like it is his choice. Not everyone has to be a typeA valedictorian like his sister!</p>
<p>My kids both had a lot of free time - a surprisingly great deal on certain days that they werent involved in the more heady duty ECs. On those days, they caught up on homework, went on the internet, and of course, WATCHED TV! I hate the whole anti-TV craze that is sweeping the nation because after hours and hours of homework and stress, being able to sit down on a couch and just watch a show seemed to help out a ton for their de-stressing!</p>