Hi guys,
I would sincerely appreciate if someone could please guide me on this – My college guidance counsellors are unaware of what to do and the adults in my life are not really able to help me as well, so I’m getting rather desperate.
As the title says, my father cheated on his wife with my mother and produced me (and a sister one year younger than me). My parents are thus not married, and in fact over the years they don’t have much of a relationship anymore except my father transfers around $2.7k every month to my mother to support us. My mother is unemployed (she has depression). I have little contact with my father – I see him once every few months.
If we were to consider this $2.7k/month as our household income qualifying for financial aid would be fine. However, I found out that my father also has to fill up a non-custodial parent CSS profile, and the form would include his wife’s income as well – Even though I have absolutely no relationship at all with my father’s wife (in fact I’m pretty sure she hates us, which is understandable). The CSS profile requires me to list her as a ‘step-mother’, although it is far from the case. Based on my understanding, I think my father’s wife’s income is rather high, and if we were to include it in the financial aid calculation, I’m pretty sure I won’t get much financial aid, if any.
Is there anything I can do? First of all including my father’s income is already difficult because of his unwillingness to contribute more to my family (my mother, my sister and I). I understand it will be included anyway. Should I then just list my father as a custodial parent (he does, after all support the family) as well to eliminate the non-custodial parent CSS profile, since my mother does not have an income? Or does listing him as a custodial parent result in a higher expected family contribution?
Also, I’m an international student, so I don’t have all the usual forms and documents that domestic students have. I understand that the more financial aid I require, the lower chances I have of acceptance, but financial aid is crucial for me so if I have lower chances so be it.
I would be truly grateful if someone experienced/knowledgeable could please help me. Thank you so much in advance!
You should have said up front your are INTERNATIONAL because that would have spared me writing the long answer that doesn’t apply to you.
But if you live with your mother, she is the custodial parent. It is based on who you live with, not on who has money.
I will let other people answer for the other parts. I think there is a list of schools who don’t consider the noncustodial parent or at least the spouse, perhaps. But it is late to be asking. Filling out the CSS profile doesn’t obligate your father to pay but the schools do make decisions based on that unless they agree to waive that information.
(Did you really have to use that as your username? What if you want to ask other questions, you will always have that username, even when you want to ask about how is the weather at such and such college, and is college X good for engineering etc)
Most schools offer the ability for you to have the noncustodial profile waived, but it is a pain because you’ll have to check each school’s individual policy.
What are your stats? Do you have a shot at getting into a U.S school that promises to meet need for internationals? How much can your mom pay each year for four years of college? Will your biological father pay anything additional?
For financial aid purposes, I don’t think it matters what your parents’ relationship was when you were conceived. What matters is whether or not they’re married now. I’m not sure if colleges will care why your dad and his wife won’t give you more money for college. You have contact with your dad and he’s financially supporting you, so I think colleges will expect him to pay for school. You’ll have to put your mom as custodial, your dad as noncustodial, and include all the income from both households if that’s what colleges want.
I think schools waive the noncustodial profile when the student doesn’t know where that parent is and/or has no contact. Since your dad is the sole support of your household, I don’t think colleges will grant that, but you can ask.
The difficulty for internationals is that there’s not much money available for them from US colleges so competition for it is high. What are your stats? They have to be very high to nake you competitive for both acceptance and financial aid. Are there colleges in your home country that you can attend?
From a financial aid standpoint, you are in pretty much the same boat as any child with divorced/separated/never married parents, where the non-custodial parent has by far greater income. The International student part is definitely a complicating factor, but in general, your best bet is probably looking to state schools, which are much more likely to rely on the federal methodology for financial aid, which considers only the custodial parent’s income and assets (and the student’s, of course). That said, you will probably have to check with each school to see if that holds true for international students, as well as domestic. Best of luck to you!
Schools aren’t likely going to care that you and your sis were the result of a long-term affair. Your dad pays a good bit of support for you, so getting a waiver isn’t likely. And the fact that the support award is high (almost $3k per month) is going to scream to colleges that his household income is high.
While it may not seem fair, colleges who give the best aid typically will require the info of all parents/steps. Very likely your dad’s wife will not provide her info (as you say, understandable…in her world, her husband should only have children by her).
So…Are you a senior applying now?
you can’t list your dad as a custodial parent because then you’d have to get his info for ALL of his income. His income is NOT just the support he pays your mom. He has a LOT more income. You can’t show his income as “child support” paid to you - that’s ridiculous. You have to show the sources of his income…his job, his wife’s income, plus all of his assets.
Altho not totally unrelated to this issue…your mom’s “income” will get cut a LOT once you’re out of high school. It will completely disappear when your sibling graduates. Once this starts happening, it could create a new problem for you…your mom will have little/no income and may expect you to be living in the household working/bringing in some income.
You can try to seek a waiver from each school, but doubtful that those would be granted. Waivers are typically for kids who’ve received no support and have no contact with their NCPs… Typically these are kids whose NCPs have essentially disappeared out of their lives.
Can you go to college in your own country?
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The International student part is definitely a complicating factor, but in general, your best bet is probably looking to state schools, which are much more likely to rely on the **federal methodology **for financial aid, which considers only the custodial parent’s income and assets (and the student’s, of course).
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@finselmom
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federal methodology? This is an INTERNATIONAL student. There is no federal methodology for such students. This kid would get ZERO need-based aid from such schools. There are no state schools that would look at only his mom’s income and then award the aid that he needs.
Even if he had high stats and got a good bit of merit, the COA for an int’l far exceeds merit (int’l travel, personal expenses, health insurance, and other costs uncovered by merit), which this student has no means to pay for.
This student really has few/no options. If Vanderbilt meets need for int’ls, it is a possibility. If UChicago does, it might be as well. That is only if those schools don’t require NCP info…I don’t think they do.
As others have said it doesn’t matter one whit that you are a child of an extra martial affair. Many kids with a parents who never married for any number of reasons. You are in the same boat as all of them. You can ask each school on your list for a NCP waiver, those that require NCP financial info, that is. Also look for schools that do not ask for NCP info to widen the list and for schools with generous merit aid where your stats make you a contender, if money is an issue. Also look at some low cost schools. There are some listed on this board.
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Also look at some low cost schools.
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This is an int’l student whose mom needs every dime she gets to support herself and household. She can’t contribute anything close to the amount that would be needed for a low cost school. Likely, she couldn’t even pay much more than the int’l travel costs…if she can even pay that much.
Even the “low cost schools” cost around $15k per year PLUS all the int’l costs (travel, insurance, personal expenses) that must be shown to get the visa.
@childofaffair What is your mom saying. How much is she saying that SHE can pay each year towards college. If the answer is something like a couple thousand per year, this situation is likely going nowhere unless you get into Vandy or similar that will only use your mom’s info.
If your mother cannot pay ANYTHING for your college expense, and you have NO resources other than the college itself to pay for the costs, then you need a full ride, which will have to come from the college or outside scholarship sources. So you need to look at what is out there. Again, if you have high stats , and have a chance at some great merit awards at schools that are low cost and might help you out in the difference, it might be doable. Also, you might want to have a talk or write a letter to your father and see if you can get $15K a year from your father towards college which might cover most if not all of a low cost school.
The other thing is to look at those schools that do not look at NCP parents’ financials that either have great aid or where the student is a standout so the school might be interested in coming up with enough money to make possible. We are talking , for the most part, unknown type schools, not the mainsline schools with well known names and reps.
Hi guys,
Thank you so much for your responses and help so far 
I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. I have sent my father a non-custodial parent CSS profile link which he will fill in with his income and his wife’s income. So I guess that’s settled, and I will write to the colleges to explain my circumstances and just hope for the best – that they might consider my circumstances. I have rather high stats and have applied to some schools with Merit Scholarships, and I’ll see how they go. I will also apply to schools back home as a back-up, so don’t worry
I have actually also secured an external scholarship already (but I’m not too sure at the moment how that works because it’s also need-based), so I do have other funding sources. I will check this out with my college counsellor next week when school starts. For now, I’m just concerned about how to fill up the CSS profile properly such that I report everything correctly to reflect my circumstances.
However, now there is another issue of my mother’s custodial CSS profile. If I’m correct, I include my father’s support as my mother’s income, yes? But wouldn’t that kinda be double-reporting since essentially this money is part of my father’s expenses?
Thank you!
Yes it is double reporting, but not double counting.
On your mother’s side it shows an increase in ability to support you, since money is coming in.
On your father’s side it shows a decrease in ability to support you, since money is going out.
So it is reported twice, but it kind of cancels out. And numbers should match.
@mom2collegekids, my point with looking to the schools using federal methodology was that even though that doesn’t directly apply to an international student, it might offer an indication of the school’s general attitude toward handling financial aid in nontraditional family situations.
Finselmom. Post 14 is totally inaccurate. The federal methodology will give you absolutely NO indication of how non-traditional families are handled. Period. The federal methodology will most definitely NOT give you any indication of how schools handle non-traditional international family situations.
And lastly, there are public (state) universities that don’t give a dime of any kind of financial aid to international students.
I’m not sure where you are getting your information, but in my opinion, it is not accurate, and is very misleading to this OP.
@finselmom
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@mom2collegekids, my point with looking to the schools using federal methodology was that even though that doesn't directly apply to an international student, it might offer an indication of the school's general attitude toward handling financial aid in nontraditional family situations.
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I’m sorry, but that advice makes no sense to this student. He’s an int’l. To suggest that his “best bet is to look at state schools” would not provide any info for this student. Not only would he be OOS for every public, but as an int’l he’d receive no need-based aid.
@thumper1 I agree completely. The recommendation is misleading.
In that case, my apologies. I’m sure that @thumper1 and @mom2collegekids have the correct information. I was not trying to mislead, but to offer a starting point for looking, which was well-meaning but misguided, and for that I do apologize.
@OP, is your father’s name on your birth certificate, or is he legally recognized to be your father?
@childofaffair Have you left the building!
Is your dad also not a U.S. citizen?