I am not a n00b - please chance me

<p>I'm an international student going to a large public magnet school in kenya :)</p>

<p>GPA: 99.91/100 UW (I dropped half a mark in AP chem last term)
Rank: 1/800 (valedictorian)</p>

<p>SAT I: CR 800 W 800 M 800 (essay 12) (superscored)
SAT IIs: world hist 800 chem 800 phys 800 math IIc 790
ACT: 36 (1st sitting)
APs: 5s on all 12</p>

<p>Extracurriculars:</p>

<p>[ul][<em>]volunteering for international charity fund: raised $4000 for kenyan rice farmers and received youth representative award from the kenyan vice-president
[</em>]marathon: ran the annual 50 mile race for the last 15 years; came 15th this year
[<em>]junior researcher in local milk factory: investigated better ways to preserve unhomogenized milk
[</em>]hunting: member of kenyan young riflemen's club, hunting game in the national wildlife sanctuary - I have my own licence
[<em>]published a book on eating disorders; i personally have been suffering from anorexia and writing this book helped me gain 15 lbs.
[</em>]raping competition (sponsored by the national prostitution society): winner
[<em>]local tutor for economically disadvantaged kids: i run my own night school for local children who can't afford normal education
[</em>]campaigning for sarah palin: tried to mitigate the influence of barack obama in kenyan citizens by designing and advertising posters in favor of sarah palin - met her in a special ceremony in Russia
[<em>]junior chess champion: i recently defeated master dwuku in a 5hr blindfold chess championship match
[</em>]singing award: in the local castrati competition i came first, defeating several younger competitors
[li]president of local gay community: attended previous mardi gras and gave a speech on HIV/AIDs[/ul]</p>[/li]
<p>Others:</p>

<p>[ul][<em>]i was offered a full scholarship to study in the local kenyan university, but my parents really want me to go to the states so i declined it
[</em>]my dad recently blew up some somalian refugees - i'll use this story in my main essay
[<em>]voted by class as "most likely to succeed at life" and "most likely to get into harvard"
[</em>]one of my recs is from the vice-president of kenya who visited my house after it was burnt to the ground by somalian terrorists[/ul]</p>

<p>Hooks:</p>

<p>[ul][li]My dad has a phD in scientology[/ul]</p>[/li]
<p>The schools:
Hogwarts College of Wandmaking and Sorcery Apprenticeships (early action)
Harvard
Yale (is it worth applying here?)
Princeton (a safety)
Stanford</p>

<p>I'm really worried about my GPA and my SAT II math. Is this gonna hurt my chances?</p>

<p>Thanks for your input!</p>

<p>I fail to see how this is funny, namely because I fail to see how blowing up refugees and winning a raping competition is funny. Promise me you don’t consider comedy to be one of your extracurriculars.</p>

<p>hahahahaha fail.
raping competition made me rofl.</p>

<p>haha you are a noob.
i have your stats plus a 800 Math II.</p>

<p>hogwarts only accepts like 250 a year out of the world’s entire population…6.6 bil? so thats like 0.000000038% of getting in…of course, seeing how u r a ■■■■■ with no life who fantasizes raping on college confidential, voldemort might take u under his wings. </p>

<p>Better yet…stay in africa.</p>

<p>I hate these posts…</p>

<p>LOL, I thought some of it was funny. =)</p>

<p>bring your sat2 math2c to 800 and you’ll have it</p>

<p>Chemistry grade is going to kill you. Start looking at some community colleges.</p>

<p>:'(</p>

<p>…</p>

<p>i thought it was real until the EC part…:(</p>

<p>too many of these have been done, but nice try.</p>

<p>wow right when I read “public magent school in kenya” I knew this was fake
lol raping contest</p>

<p>OMG u got a 790 on math iic???
EPIC FAIL!!!</p>

<p>LOL! I actually believed this until the “raping contest”…hahahaha!</p>