I am so lost with myself... my parents have no idea

Parents Forum
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<p>I've made several posts here in the past and you folks have always offered the warm advice I seek once more. </p>

<p>I graduated high school in 2012 and enrolled at a local community college the following semester. My grades all throughout high school were mediocre; a B average. It wasn't until the end of high school that I realized the importance of all this and I grew quite envious of my classmates who had achieved so much more than I (I had wanted to move to New Zealand and become a kiwi farmer until midway through my junior year so naturally I was behind). Still, I was not ready to leave home just yet and the thought of placing such a financial burden on my parents made me cringe.</p>

<p>I'll try to abbreviate how that year went. Between a pell grant and some assistance from my father, we were able to pay tuition for the fall semester (roughly five grand) without taking out any loans. The semester went smoothly until the last week of classes. I was overwhelmed by a workload that I was unaccustomed to. I became very flustered and omitted a term paper for my composition class which cost me a passing grade. I tried to hide this from my parents but they covertly gained access to my transcript online and were absolutely furious; we had a very lengthy discussion about it and I assured them that I would never let anything of the sort happen again.</p>

<p>The spring semester went well other than an "intro to college" course which I almost failed, though it was only worth a lone credit. </p>

<p>I made the decision to retake that composition course this past summer, as well as a chemistry course for additional credits. Work was consuming much of my time and I had underestimated the time I needed to dedicate in order to to succeed in condensed courses. And alas I fell into a similar pitfall with my composition class. I maintained a class rank of one for the majority of the semester. Time became tight and I very lazy; I missed a major essay and that began my spiral downwards. I was so embarrassed and flustered with myself that I gave up on the class (I should note that this was an online course) and I never logged in for the rest of the summer; I was withdrawn indefinitely. I think about how stupid this decision was almost everyday.</p>

<p>Fast forward to now and my parents are totally unaware that I failed the class again; I'm not exactly sure how they would react if they ever did. The result of this is an absolutely dismal GPA (2.1 last I checked). </p>

<p>I hoped to salvage my GPA by loading up on courses this semester but the sheer cost was an effective deterrent. Because of my family's income this year my financial aid was basically taken. I live out of state so I pay nearly double what a resident of the state would pay, per credit. </p>

<p>I only registered for a Calc 2 and Chem 2 class. It was my intention to take University Physics as well but the class was filled. I led my parents to believe that I am in the physics course. I am doing well in these two courses but I don't know what my parents are expecting of me. I assume they believe I will graduate this spring but this has become an impossibility. I wish I could clear my slate and start over again.</p>

<p>I am enrolled in the engineering program here but I really don't have any interest in the subject. Everyone in my program spends half their day arguing over which field will pay the best; I couldn't care less. I want to study pure physics or mathematics but I can't see myself attending school for that many years. I've also considered geology and marine biology but lately my mind has become clouded with negative thoughts. I really feel trapped by my abomination of a GPA and transcript; I am happy with how I have developed as a person thus far but I have accomplished nothing academically. </p>

<p>Ideally I would like to transfer to a university but I think I screwed myself. And I just don't feel right asking my parents to fund such a thing when I have nothing to show for it. I am the oldest of four children. My younger three siblings are the kids you'd expect to find on CC, I'm sure they'll all be attending Ivy Leagues and I feel my father's money would be better spent on them. </p>

<p>If you read this far I appreciate it. I'm sure my situation is much less unique and dire than I make it out to be but I just don't know what to do. I cannot even focus on my studies anymore because I am too concerned with the uncertainty of my future. Thank you all</p>

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<p>I don’t understand this. At the start of your post you say you enrolled in the local community college. If you are not at a local community colleges, possibly you should transfer to one to keep your costs down while you finish up, especially since it sounds like you might need an extra semester or two.</p>

<p>Regarding majors, have you considered some kind of computer major? If you have a talent for math, this might be a compromise between engineering and pure math or physics. It is also pretty practical and you would probably be able to pay back any loans you end up with.</p>

<p>Finally… stop lying to your parents. Be honest about how you have screwed up (or just been unable to get the Physics class), and lay out your plan to them to finish your degree. Given that you seem to have some time management and self discipline issues, you may consider trying finishing your degree at a state directional college once you complete your community college degree.</p>

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<p>For goodness sake, you didn’t learn not to overload the first two times and wanted to do it again? Looks like you were saved from yourself. There is nothing wrong with transferring to a 4 year and finishing your degree, no matter what your gpa. It is still important to get the degree. True what inparent said, CS can be enjoyable for people who like math, yes. And very practical as well as theoretical, having room for grad school should that possibility open up sometime in the future.</p>

<p>I can’t figure out why you are paying premium oos prices for community college either? huh? Especially if you are concerned about wasting money. Getting the degree will be worth your parent’s money. Even if you have trouble landing a first job with a low gpa, once you do, no one will ever ask you what your gpa was again.</p>

<p>Doing poor in your studies now, claiming distraction, is just some kind of excuse you are making to continue this pattern, I suppose. You need to reflect on that and your time management and study skills. Putting yourself in the position of living a lie just adds to distractions you like to create for yourself. I hope you can learn to stop making such poor choices and focus on getting through your semester. Just take it one semester at a time. Good luck.</p>

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<p>It’s October - middle of the semester. </p>

<p>Stop thinking about the future. Just stop the analysis/paralysis. It’s a waste of time. Thinking about the future now is self-defeating. </p>

<p>Think about the present. There will be an appropriate time to think about the future just before you register for spring. Post again then. </p>

<p>There is only one solution for a 2.1 GPA. Ace the 2 courses you are in. I mean As not Bs. You say you are doing well. Is your standard of excellence an A? </p>

<p>Stop wasting time. Execute. Get As. In order to do that, stop thinking about anything else but those courses. Focus. Focus. </p>

<p>Err on the side of studying too much not too little. </p>

<p>You are in the heat of battle. The enemy is within. Focus. </p>

<p>All of these other issues are indeed issues… for later. For now they are distractions. You can’t afford distractions. Study like your academic future depends on it. It does. Focus. </p>

<p>Get 2 A’s. Nothing else. Prove to yourself and everyone else that you CAN do it. Focus.</p>

<p>If you do this. Things will get better. If you don’t they won’t.</p>

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<p>Agree with CRD^ on getting through this semester strong. After that I would seriously consider a break from college until you figure out what you are doing. If you are not interested in engineering, things are not going to go well if you continue taking engineering courses. You expressed an interest in physics but haven’t taken any physics courses yet, so that’s dubious. You really need to work at the job and get your thoughts together as to where you want to be heading.</p>

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<p>Have you had an opportunity to speak to a counselor? I would encourage you to visit the counseling center at your college.</p>

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<p>Here’s a thought… check out the CC program list and see if there are any certificate programs that appeal to you. It may be more goal directed. Then you can work for a bit before completing your BA at a 4 year university. You will have a fuller understanding of what you like, how to succeed, etc.</p>

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<p>To answer a few questions: </p>

<p>I haven’t spoken to a counselor, though I consider you all to be counselors in a way. </p>

<p>The reason I am attending an out of state CC is because the only one local to me does not offer the level of STEM courses I need to be taking at this stage. There is a larger CC in my state which actually offers more courses than the school I’m currently attending but it is quite a commute from where I live; I may consider it next semester. </p>

<p>I really don’t have any interest in computer science and so far engineering doesn’t appeal much to me either. I can’t say for certain, though. Things change of course. You’re right that my fascination with physics is dubious seeing as I haven’t taken a college course yet, but I spend A LOT of time out of class reading articles and watching educational youtube videos/free lectures. </p>

<p>My course load this semester is easier than it has ever been due to the sheer fact that I am only taking 2 classes. I have no reason not to succeed but I can’t help feel as though I should be doing more, and that whatever I manage to accomplish this semester is almost trivial.</p>

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<p>Eric,</p>

<p>You are a good writer! You shouldn’t have failed the composition class. You only failed it because you didn’t meet the class requirements, not because of your writing ability.</p>

<p>Can you take a CLEP test and get credit for this class? How about taking CLEPs for other classes? You seem like you are a smart person who doesn’t like the traditional classroom environment.</p>

<p>Taking and passing CLEPS can give you college credit at a minimal amount of cost.</p>

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Well, there’s a clue that you haven’t been using your time appropriately! I also suggest some time off from school until you decide what your major should be and what level of commitment you have to getting your work done. And of course you have to talk to your parents ASAP–this will only get harder the longer you put it off.</p>

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<p>No offense to the great parents here, but this is not professional counseling.</p>

<p>I urge you to see a professional, licensed counselor who will speak with you one-on-one and at length, help you figure out what is interfering with your progress, help you address and overcome those obstacles, help you prepare a feasible plan, and help you stay on course.</p>

<p>Eric, look at how you speak about yourself and/or your work:</p>

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<p>A good counselor can help you understand and get past the paralysing self-denigration that you bring to this thread and, presumably, to your life generally.</p>