Failed my first semester of community college... ready to give up

Parents Forum
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<p>First off I'm not sure if this is the right subforum but here it goes. I graduated high school this past June without much of a clue as to what I wanted to do. Everyone else had been preparing for college; I had no direction. I'd like to believe that I could have been accepted into a decent school, although my GPA was a little hairy I had a high SAT score and I'm sure I could have written a great essay. But gathering teacher recommendations and filling out the commonapp just seemed too daunting for me, and on top of that I had no idea where I wanted to go to school; my social insecurities and the financial burden on my parents also deterred me. </p>

<p>So I settled for a community college, and for a while I told myself that things would be different. I was going to apply myself and do everything right, make the dean's list, maybe even transfer to a really nice school afterwards. That mindset quickly faded as I began classes though, and my work ethic returned to that of the one I had in high school. Out of my four courses, I maintained what could be deemed a respectable grade in three of them. And I only give that to the fact that these are the equivalent of high school level classes, I put in little to no effort even though I had all of the free time in the world. </p>

<p>Fast forward to the last week of the semester and everything collapsed in one class (english). My entire grade was riding on this term paper due the final day of class, it accounted for 25% of our semester grade and if we failed it we would fail the course indefinitely. I had never written a ten page term before and even worse was that I had another one due the same day for another class. I completed one, but I could only finish half of the other one (extreme procrastination), and the five pages I did have were complete bs. So it came time to turn this in (we submitted electronically) and I was totally out of options. I could not plea for a time extension because my professor had constantly stressed the importance of no late work. </p>

<p>So I did something incredibly stupid. I uploaded a blank word document in hopes that my professor would think that I submitted the wrong file. It's hard for me to explain what followed leading up to now, it makes me sick to my stomach just how dumb I was. After submitting that file I expected my professor to send me an email but I would not reply for several days and pretend that I had no idea this happened and had not checked my email/grades since then. This would have been a good ploy too, except that I just did not have the will to rewrite a 10 page research paper that would have to be impeccable to even be considered for examination. So I put off writing the paper for a few days, that turned into a week, that into two weeks, (by this point I was sure that my professor would not believe any story I could produce, but I kept this in the back of my mind), and today, I'm at three weeks. Three weeks I had to write a 10 page paper but I just could not bring myself to do it. I guess I just felt that whatever excuse I could compose I would just be able to drag out another day. </p>

<p>And today my parents asked very defiantly to see my grades (I've been telling them that I don't know how to check, I even thought they would mail them but I guess not). I haven't even looked myself out of pure fear but I'd assume that I outright failed english, received decent marks in two classes, and about an 80 in the other class. </p>

<p>Now I know there is a time and a place for telling the truth but this is not one of them. Whatever lesson they or you think I can learn, I've already learned through these last three weeks of anxiety-filled winter break. I've had experiences similar to this all throughout high school and they've never helped, whenever I received a bad grade I would motivate myself but after hearing about it from my parents I just sank back into the pit every time. </p>

<p>I don't know what to do. The right thing to do would be to explain to my parents what happened but it always ends badly and I am guaranteed to walk out of it with a worse mindset than I began with. Part of me wants to just tell them that I want to drop out and pursue other things. I even try to convince myself that college is worthless but I think I'm just trying to justify my failure and laziness. The other part of me wants to go back next semester and kill it, but I don't know if I can. I have the ability, sure, but if my parents find out about my grades I will have this eating away at me for a while. I'd like to just retake this class that I failed without them knowing, but how does this work in terms of GPA? </p>

<p>The worst part about all of this is that I was given so much by my parents and I have failed them. They probably would have paid for any school I desired to go to. I could not be more blessed to live in such a great household with younger siblings who are all at the top of their class. I just feel like the eldest son screw up. I can attribute my lack of effort to a lot of things, namely laziness. But community college is not a very supportive environment for me. Hardly anyone is my age, the people who are just don't care, and everything just feels so elementary. I lose motivation when I'm there. </p>

<p>I'm not sure why I'm posting this but I've needed to vent for a while now and I just feel so lost in everything. A lot of the things I explained are more complex in nature of course but feel free to ask further questions. I'd really appreciate any input that anyone has. Thank you so much for reading.</p>

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<p>Eric, you know what you need to do, it is just very hard. Why don’t you show them this post and take the conversation from there. You did not say if you have a passion for anything, what you want to go to college for to begin with. You also may have ADD/ADHD as you seem to have an issue with follow through and finishing. You will have to tell them, especially if they are paying for the school. It is what is right and decent. Your GPA is not the issue at this point. You need to find a path, and it may be you need a gap year, or attend a technical school, but there is more to this than just taking a class over.</p>

<p>This is just the opinion of a mom who never loved school, skated by and realize now how much time I wasted worrying about the classes I was doing horribly in rather than facing the real issues that were the problem. As a mom, I would much rather my kids just tell me what is going on, rather than eating themselves up inside. This is the time we can still help you, mistakes are not forever but the more you hide the truth the harder it will be to 'fess up.</p>

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<p>I have to say that the thought that you may have ADD-inattentive came to me, but also that you might be suffering from dysthemia (a form of functional low grade continuous depression which can be treated.)</p>

<p>So, the practical suggestions:</p>

<ol>
<li> You need to talk to your parents. In fact, this post wouldn’t be the worst place to start.</li>
<li> You need to go to the writing center with your papers when you first get the assignment. It seems to me that you have some real organizational issues and need some hands on help in taking a paper from start to finish. (I don’t know why these undergrad places assign these ridiculously long papers, frankly. In grad school, you will be told they will stop reading at the end of page 5. It’s just silly), but you have to learn to take the project from a-z, and if your writing center won’t help, or if your librarian won’t teach you? Get a tutor.</li>
<li> You have to seek out the help you need in order to do this. I imagine the community college has a study skills class? I would suggest you take that class. Really learn what they are teaching.</li>
<li> If all of this sounds ridiculous? Perhaps you should get a job and work for a while until you feel a reason you WANT to go back to study. I’ve seen this happen quite a few times and the student was very successful when they knew why they were there, careerwise.</li>
</ol>

<p>Some mental health suggestions:</p>

<ol>
<li> Get evaluated for ADHD</li>
<li> Get evaluated for depression</li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck to you. Don’t be scared. Once you’ve told your parents you will feel some relief, even if you don’t think so.</p>

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<p>Time to check your grades!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the replies everyone. You’re all right, I need a direction! In regards to my paper though, I have no doubt that I could have completed it had I started it when I should have. And when my grades get worse I lose even more motivation to continue because I either want to do everything perfectly or just give up, even though this is totally unrealistic and I need to get rid of this mindset. </p>

<p>The truth is that I don’t know where I’m going, not in the slightest. I’m registered with the engineering program but I’m not even sure if I enjoy engineering.</p>

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<p>Eric- don’t waste calories worrying about engineering.</p>

<p>Go check your grades. Then have a discussion with your parents. Then you can come back here and we can try to help you and encourage you to put together an action plan. If you are prone to worrying about something that’s going to be germane months from now (i.e. engineering program) and ignoring the problem staring you in the face- learning to deal with that behavior is going to radically improve your quality of life going forward.</p>

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<p>Is your problem with writing papers? Do you do ok in classes that don’t require papers? The reason I ask is I know a very smart person that developed a mental block over writing papers. Somehow he made it through college (at a good university), mostly avoiding classes that required papers (I know, how do you do that?) but also taking a C grade in more than one class when A work in everything else was averaged with a paper not done. After graduating he enrolled in a top social science graduate program where he lasted about 2 weeks when it became apparent that the entire program involved writing papers! He later earned a masters in library science and had a very interesting and productive career. So that’s why I am asking if the problem is “writing papers” or severe work avoidance/procrastination in many areas.</p>

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<p>Like others, my first thought is you may have ADD. I know a young man who sounds a lot like you. After he failed out of school he got tested for ADD and started medication and is back in school and doing a lot better. The testing also opened doors at the resource center at his school, so he could get additional tutoring and help.</p>

<p>The thing about ADD is, people who have it but don’t know it get REALLY down on themselves, telling themselves they’re lazy, etc. But they really aren’t lazy. Please talk to you parents and get assessed. Show them this thread. The good news is, you have your whole life ahead of you still, so this is a great time for a course correction.</p>

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<p>Hmm, I’m not quite sure what to think. You just whipped out a very long, well written post to start this thread…and you think you’re unable to write a ten page paper for a community college class? I’ll bet if you decided you were actually interested, and wanted to do it, you could accomplish that very quickly. The fact that you waited till the very last minute to do two papers, makes me wonder what the real reason was for the procrastination.</p>

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<p>Eric - Tell your parents (gently). I’ve had to hear similar news from one of my kids (sadly more than once)… trust me, the sooner you fess up the better. And whatever you do - avoid lies/coverup.</p>

<p>It’s clear that you have issues with organization and procrastination. There could be lots of reason. Maybe your CC advisor and parents could help you sort through it.</p>

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<p>“I uploaded a blank word document in hopes that my professor would think that I submitted the wrong file.”</p>

<p>Naw. We’ve seen that one before. My two-cents: It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to be “ready” for college at the same time. Rather than stress yourself out, try working back into things slowly. Most people do fine if they give themselves enough ramp-up time, and without time-compression.</p>

<p>You’re a great, coherent writer, b.t.w. You should do well.</p>

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<p>If you “cant” do something its usually because you dont want to. </p>

<p>It was “too daunting” to fill out commonapp (even though 90% of other kids were able to do it) and get teacher recommendations. </p>

<p>Then you do the old damaged term paper routine (we used to make it look like a collating error) but are paralyzed and unable to bring yourself to type out another 5 pages of nonsense for a cake CC Intro to EngLit course. Its been two weeks! And you didnt have the “will” to type another word. </p>

<p>I’ll tell you what’s going on- you dont want to be in college and you are self-sabotaging hoping that someone else will make the decision for you. </p>

<p>All these alleged “financial burdens” on your parents, not filling out applications or asking for a recommendation was your way of having to avoid college without actually having been seen to be making that decision. Even if you were ADD you would have been able to type a couple of words a day but you didnt have the “will”. </p>

<p>12 years of schooling is a long time and you may be burned out- I think its time to take a break. You wont be able to learn properly until you are mentally ready so its not a big loss. Take some time to do other things until you see the value of additional education- not just as a ‘next step’ in an escalator you found yourself on.</p>

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<p>If I were you, I’d withdraw from school. (If you are already signed up for Spring semester classes, be sure to formally withdraw or drop the classes.) Get a job. Get 2 part time jobs if need be. Experience the way most minimum wage employees are treated. Like being scheduled to work 12 hour days without overtime. Like having your hours cut when you can’t persuade enough customers to sign up for the store’s credit card. Like making plans for the evening then being held up at work until midnight at the whim of the manager. Like being supervised by a not very smart person who is exercising the only tiny bit of power in her life. Like being subject to immediate termination if you don’t follow a list of 100 arbitrary rules. Like being told you have to be available at any and all days and times, 24/7, for a 15 hour a week job. Like being “on call” and not being able to take classes or make plans. Like being fired once you make above minimum wage so you can be replaced by someone who makes minimum. Like being bored out of your mind at work.</p>

<p>I’m being sincere here, not sarcastic. My kids have had all of these experiences in just a few years of part time, minimum wage work. It’s a fabulous motivator to think about what you want in a career. The career may or may not involve a 4 year college degree.</p>

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<p>I do not think college is for you right now. Withdraw from your classes and get a job. You may decide you want to go back in a few years when you are ready.</p>

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<p>Hey Eric, I was just reading this post… and I was just wondering if you could please update to see what you chose to do and where you are now? and if whatever you did worked for you or not? Thanks. (In a similar dilemma, thank you). </p>

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<p>I have also seen kids join the military when they weren’t really sure what they wanted but wanted to do something.</p>

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<p>Yes it may be you have a mental illness as some have quickly diagnosed. Or it may be as simple as unsure what you want to do, and not yet ready for college. I suspect the latter. Consider a gap yr or 2 while you work to support yourself. The struggle you may experience during the gap might be additional incentive to attend college!</p>

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<p>This is an old thread.</p>

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<p>Yes, this thread is old. This is the latest thread from the OP. <a href=“Awful community college transcript; will I be able to transfer anywhere? 20 y/o - #7 by Eric515 - Transfer Students - College Confidential Forums”>Awful community college transcript; will I be able to transfer anywhere? 20 y/o - #7 by Eric515 - Transfer Students - College Confidential Forums;