I am very afraid of going to college

College Life
21

<p>I’ve been feeling the same way. Juillet, your post makes a lot of sense.</p>

22

<p>Yeah, it’s okay. Unless you’re going to a state school where everyone knows each other, you’ll be surrounded by people just like you. They’ll all want to make new friends in a new environment. Don’t worry about it. =]</p>

23

<p>In my experience, shy people make lifelong friendships with other shy people in college.</p>

24

<p>The great thing about a school like Cal is that there is a club for anything you might be interested in…if you are visiting in April for Cal Day, stop by some of the student tables that sound fun to you.</p>

25

<p>Siliconvalleymom is right. That is a great idea.</p>

26

<p>I went to a college where I didn’t know anyone and was pretty shy in high school. If there are any kind of orientation activities like picnics, socials, etc. you should go to them. Most colleges have freshmen activities the first few weeks, and if you can get your roommate to go with you, you will meet people there. Also, the first couple days, if you can muster the courage to say hi to the people on your floor, you will make friends very quickly.</p>

27

<p>"In my experience, shy people make lifelong friendships with other shy people in college. "</p>

<p>Thanks :D</p>

28

<p>nicorobin90 - Do not worry. Not everyone in this world are outgoing. </p>

<p>I used to be quite shy (during my childhood, middle school) and have changed ever since I entered high school. However, I still have my traces of shyness with me. I tried my best to be more outgoing and started to approach to people first.</p>

<p>It is hard and I know how it is for people who are born shy. But, just give it a try. No one is going to hit you or yell at you for attempting to approach someone. Just try. It will then become a habit and soon you will realize you are being very social! </p>

<p>People adapt and change. That’s what we’re known for. We adapt to new environments, for example. Just like we do, our bodies are fully capable of changing for the better. </p>

<p>Don’t worry about being the only shy one in Berkeley. You will see tons of others who are shy as well. It is your job to start changing and becoming more outgoing. Don’t be too hard on yourself - remember, baby steps. Start with stuff like Hey! and become comfortable talking with strangers. Next thing you know they will become your friends!</p>

29

<p>I would just like to say that freshman year is awkward for pretty much everyone. Everyone are usually away from their own friends and have to meet new people. My daughter isn’t shy, but she doesn’t pick friends very quickly either, and she is usually just having a small circle of intimates.</p>

<p>So it is good to assume that you will be having aquaintances the first year, and developing some more lasting friendships in the longer run. Just as you did growing up, but starting fresh. So do get involved in clubs or interest areas, and later, you will likely bond with people in your major.</p>

<p>And I agree that it can be a little lonely to just have casual relationships, so get your friends to sign onto Facebook now!</p>

<p>And don’t forget that the friends you do make in college may well be with you for life!</p>

30

<p>I’ll tell you what I’ve been telling my daughter, who is also a very shy girl heading for college this fall:</p>

<p>1) You’ll be surrounded by lots of other people who don’t know anyone & are hoping to make friends. If you can be brave enough to just smile and be nice to them while they’re feeling lost & disoriented, they’ll imprint on you like baby ducks. :)</p>

<p>2) Unlike high school, where most of your time with other people is spent in class where you aren’t supposed to socialize, in college you’ll have lots of time to just hang out with people in an unstructured way. Your dorm lounge, the dining hall or coffee shop, the student commons, etc. You aren’t seeing them only in class & then going home.</p>

<p>3) You’ll have more opportunities to find kindred spirits than in high school. In high school most extracurricular activities are chosen and managed by teachers. In college, there are a zillion activities created by students for students. Find out about groups/clubs–they will be very happy to see you show up interested in them. Most colleges have some kind of student activities fair in the first couple of weeks.</p>

<p>4) If all else fails, order this t-shirt from the XKCD.com store!
<a href=“http://imgs.xkcd.com/store/imgs/just_shy_square_0.png[/url]”>http://imgs.xkcd.com/store/imgs/just_shy_square_0.png&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

31

<p>There will be a lot of ways to meet people during orientation. Join the class of 2013 facebook group if you haven’t already, so some faces start to look familiar.</p>

<p>To have in your back pocket: Look at the list of clubs and think of two possible things you might want to do outside the classroom. Band? A volunteer club? Yearbook club or photography club? Dorm council? Clubs try to attract new members at the beginning of the year. Try them and probably one of them will be appealing. Habitat for Humanity and any sort of feed the hungry/work at the soup kitchen clubs are always looking for and very welcoming to new members because they need more people to help with their projects. (Groups like this have social events, too.)</p>

32

<p>nocorobin90: it is completely normal to be affraid and feeling lonely during the first months of college, but it gets better and better as you begin a routine schedule, join some club of your interest and meet people who share something in common with you.
I was one of them, now, my parents say that I have changed significantly, being more independent and organized. Personally, I could not go back home to live with my parents after graduation, love them, but I am my own person now. Good luck</p>

33

<p>One of the most important “lessons” of going to college is learning to separate from your former life known as childhood. I am a strong advocate of NOT going to college with friends and MOST CERTAINLY not being one of their roommates. EVER.</p>

<p>The good news is that everyone at your college is also going through the same transition. Success in college requires balance, not too much studying (burnout), not too much partying (risky behaviors and harmful to your health and academic standing) and not locking yourself in your dorm room. Go to college and have fun, but work hard. There will be myriad opportunities to meet people in your dorm, your classes and in clubs or social gatherings. Its okay if you dont do what a lot of people do: screw up, drink, party and behave like immature kids. But its also NOT okay to close yourself off. If others approach you and you have similar interests and values, then great…you have just made new friends.</p>

<p>Life is about meeting challenges and learning HOW to grow gracefully. College is about teaching you how to do that successfully. NEVER do anything in college because of peer pressure. If you dont drink (good choice!), then dont fall into the trap of being dragged to parties where you will feel out of place and watching others screw up their lives and academic standing. There are many many kids out there who DONT do the sorority and fraternity rush gambit…which almost always involves heavy drinking or other risky behaviors. My neighbors bragged about the sorority and fraternity stuff as if it was some right of passage. They got what they deserved. Screw ups for kids.</p>

<p>I’m not a holy roller either…and not naive. But its about balance and keeping your eyes on the ball.</p>

34

<p>you’re in a real dilly of a pickle… if you don’t approach people, they usually won’t approach you. you first few days in the dorms, go around and just knock and say “hi, im ____ and i live down the hall in ____” or something like that, just introduce yourself and what not. you’ll find some people, if not join a club or a intramural sports team or something, don’t limit yourself based on your own shyness.</p>

35

<p>theres this thing called liquid courage, its pretty common on college campuses ;D
no but like, ull be fine, people will approach you a lot, and especially just during orientation youll probably make some friends :)</p>

36

<p>I will second and third what many people have said, all the other freshman are looking for friends too. And even if you don’t join any clubs (I wasn’t a big joiner) the biggest difference in college and high school is you go back to your DORM after class, with hundreds of other freshman. You really can’t help but meet people and most of the time you glom onto a big group before you narrow it down to a few close friends. One of the standing jokes in college is freshmen go everywhere in groups of twelve or more. Your hall will kind of just drift together as people do homework, come and ask if you have any popcorn, play video games, and because you have more time to be together (you don’t have to go home at 10) you make some of the very deepest and most long lasting relationships. Wish I could do it all again. It IS very scary that first week just finding your way but it will be so good after that. Don’t worry. Big or small school doesn’t matter, find your own group and that is all you need.</p>

37

<p>i’m nervous too! but i’m also uber excited! lol. u’ll be fine. there are hundreds of clubs to join. and if ur dorming, then that’s another melting pot…
always put on a smile i guess?</p>

38

<p>and i second the idea of joing ur school’s facebook class group.</p>

39

<p>You’ll be fine. Nobody will judge if you are a loner in college.</p>

40

<p>Nicorobin-
I have been researching dealing with "shyness " for a friend’s teenager who is extremely shy. The good news is there is a lot of information on the internet and in bookstores which would help you develop skills, to help you connect with people.
I encourage you to google “shy teenager” and you will find tons of specific helpful techniques for making ‘friends’. </p>

<p>From one of the websites I found this
“All people have been shy at one time or another. Even the most confident people experienced being shy so there is nothing to worry about if you feel shy. Studies show that around 20 percent of people in the whole word are proven to be shy. And this number continues to increase. So if you’re feeling shy, don’t fret because you are not alone.”</p>