@Lindagaf Sorry I came across as thinking too highly of myself, I just meant that it was surprising that she dismissed me when I was not one of the people being disruptive. I do not plan on reporting my teacher to anyone, if anything I would talk to my teacher one-on-one to see if she thinks I’m over participating. I will try to learn the same lesson you did.
@melvin123 Thank you for your suggestions as to how I can improve the relationship. I’ve had to work hard for the A- as she did give me a C on a test even after annotating every page of the book, so there have been a few unfair grades along the way. I do plan on talking to her one-on-one to find out if she feels that I am over-participating, and I will certainly find a lesson in all this craziness!
You can talk to her – but even that might rub her the wrong way at this point. Over zealous is… over zealous. Pushing to find out if you are being over zealous might not help.
Be less like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju-lptJweTc
and instead:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKxr2PJ06Y4
@intparent Thank you for your thoughts
I really am trying to help. I think you are trying too hard, and maybe not listening to feedback your teacher has already given. To me, she sounds exasperated. Maybe you are not reading her cues.
I don’t imagine this person as being someone who is raising their hand at every single question or staying after every single day for lunch. Sure, maybe you do want to tone it down and just stop stressing so much because honestly it’s not worth it to stress, but whichever way anyone spins this in the comments, the bottom-line is this teacher was wrong to say what she said. If she is annoyed with this student, then she should maybe tell her privately during lunch to come another time or something. I know whenever I’m in class and someone is participating too much and the teacher asks a question and only they raise their hands the teacher says “Can someone whose not blahblahblah answer this question?” Not “I don’t care what you have to say.” Maybe that can be said in a joking manner, but in an outburst it was clearly meant as an attack. The teacher could’ve and should’ve handled it differently. By your post it sounds like this isn’t the first time she has singled you out, and it is probably embarrassing and upsetting to you. Don’t be discouraged by these comments and actually go out and talk to her. Whatever kind of student you are, you shoudn’t be getting attacked or singled out from your classmates. Some people here are saying but “oh no you don’t want to upset the teacher you might have to get a rec letter from her” but here’s a word of advice: when you are getting teacher recommendations next year, get them from teachers who actually like you.
I agree that the teacher was wrong and she shouldn’t have said what she did.
I’m sure it’s embarrassing and upsetting to OP.
The teacher sounds stressed and a bit out of control. I think pushing some more and talking to her right now might be exactly the wrong thing to do cause-and-effect-wise, even though you are “in the right”. Really, try backing off a bit first and see how this works.
Another really helpful thing someone has passed onto me is that being right can end up being lonely. Meaning, even though you are right, sometimes the best outcome for you in the long-run is to just let something go. And I really think that’s true. The tricky part, obviously, is figuring out when to let go because you also don’t want to be a doormat.
Yeah honestly I’m not sure what I would do in your situation–like I said I am a pretty quiet person so I’ve never had an experience like this (teachers usually try to get me to talk, not try to get me to shut up), but maybe I would find a middle ground between what @melvin123 said and what I said and what you want to do. Maybe wait a few days or a week, see how things are working out. Maybe back off a little (stop going to the teacher during lunch etc.). If she keeps saying stuff like that to you then definitely take action. You don’t want to be a doormat of course and if you’re upset you should advocate for yourself and not let this keep happening. In your situation I would probably talk to a guidance counselor or get my parents involved because I would be too scared to talk to the teacher myself, but just do what you are comfortable with.
I had an awful 11th grade English teacher who made a couple of inappropriate statements to me in the same vein. 25 years later and I still remember it and think she was a horrible teacher and completely wrong. As do the other students who were in the class that day.
I got even by doing better in the class than anyone else. We didn’t have AP at my school, but it’s NY and we had a regents exam at the end of the year. I wrote most of my essays on a book she hadn’t bothered to teach.
Her statement to me after the regents was “That was the most work you’ve done for me all year.” So, obviously not gracious. I smiled and walked away. And then took an elective of hers the next year because it was a class I was really interested in and I didn’t want her to have the power to keep me from doing something I wanted. She was still a not so great teacher but I also still did great in the class.
The point of my anecdote is just to let you know that you aren’t alone. It happens to most people at some point in their eduction, but you also don’t have to let it keep you from succeeding. If you were my kid, I would probably tell you that this teacher is a (insert expletive) and your best move is to get what you can from her academically and not to take her other statements personally.
We don’t know the teacher’s body language or anything about this, other than what OP wrote. She may have already signalled him/her that this was between her and another student (or students.) There are many cues this teacher may have given that her focus was not on OP at that exact moment. And that OP should give her space. This could have been a very neutral attempt, not an attack on OP.
We do know OP self describes in ways that make some others want to suggest he or she take a breath and re-examine what he can control, work on the anxiety and how he may be coming across.
That’s usually a good step.
@sciencenerd123 Yes, I don’t go in to her every day at lunch, only when I need help which is less than once a week. Thank you for your advice and continued support, I agree it would be best to wait a few days without raising my hand so much to see what happens. When I think of possible teachers to write LORs it certainly doesn’t include this teacher :))
@melvin123 Thank you for your thoughts, as coincidence would have it she’s taking a “sick day” to grade papers today, so I will have to wait a few days before talking to her. And if the situation improves in those days, I can let it go.
Honestly, sounds like the teacher is overworked and perhaps therefore stressed. And I don’t necessarily blame her if she has 97 students. How can a person find the time to grade 97 papers and do so in a constructive fashion? I’m surprised she assigns papers given that workload. Many teachers in public schools minimize writing assignments for just that reason.
@mom2twogirls Thank you for the anecdote (I wonder why this seems to happen in 11th grade for a lot of people) and the example of what you would say to your kids :)) I will keep doing my best to succeed and keep in mind that I’m not alone!
@lookingforward Sorry I made it sound like I was going in every day after class and during lunch. I only go when I need help, which makes it less than once a week. I do plan to relax in the coming days and see if the situation improves.
Some teachers can’t take the intensity of gifted or really focused students while trying to bring the rest of the class along. My DD2 sounds like you without the anxiety. Her math teacher told her to put her hand down and be quiet. DD2 was mostly upset that the rest of the class was taking too long to respond.
May I ask how you know this?
@LuckyCharms913 Yes, she told us that we would have a substitute the following day due to the fact that she needed extra time to grade a recent paper and test, and referred to it as a “sick day.”
@sammycp , try to get your hands on a copy of the book “Thank you for the Feedback.” It does a great job of explaining how different people hear the same things differently as well as great guidance on how to request, process and use feedback.
I have found it useful in my professional life as both a giver and receiver of performance feedback. If you are planning to talk to teachers, it could really make those discussions more productive (and you would probably come across well too!)