I don't even know what to do anymore, help please?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi, I am not a parent myself but am in need of some academic/life advice and hope that maybe some of you can help me out!</p>

<p>I have recently graduated high school with rather good marks and was the valedictorian of my class. I was never overly outgoing, so I was never really involved in the social side of things, but doing well in school has always been my "thing". I have a few close friends and for the most part have been happy with that. Last year, in my senior year, I decided that I would attend a university close to home, approx. an hour away. It's the only university where I live, and I really didn't feel like moving far away my first year of uni. I believed that I would be good at pharmacy, because I did well in chemistry in highschool and loved biology. I've never loved math, and it's always been a bit frustrating, but I managed to do well in it in highschool. So, I aimed to do physics, calculus, chemistry, biology, and english my first year of university to prepare for pharmacy school (you can apply after 1 year of undergrad here in Canada). </p>

<p>However, I currently feel like a mess, like every plan I have ever had has gone down the drain. I moved into the university two weeks ago. I didn't have any friends going there, so I decided to stay in the dorms. In hindsight, I'm extremely quiet with a history of anxiety, so it probably wasn't my best decision. The classes were fine, I loved the campus and the atmosphere, but the dorms were draining me. I felt like I was a guinea pig in a cage, and I lost all motivation to do anything. It was like I couldn't "recharge my batteries" at the end of the day, and ultimately couldn't get away from people when I needed to. In addition, most of the people staying in the dorms enjoyed partying, which is something that I've tried, but never really enjoyed, and there was always some kind of party going on. While I was there, I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped studying, and found myself staring at my dorm wall for hours at a time. I tried to get out and meet other people, but it was like I just didn't have the energy and I was so overwhelmed. </p>

<p>In highschool, I had anxiety problems that, when triggered, manifested into other problems, such as depression and a closeted eating disorder. Before I came to university, I had regained the weight I had lost during highschool (~25lbs) and felt I was in a healthy place. However, when I moved into the dorms that changed. Ultimately, I knew that something that to change so I dropped my courses, and moved back home where I can do the same university courses for my first year. Unfortunately, I am so confused and am now afraid that I'm picking a career/goal because that's what other people want me to do, rather than because I wish to do it myself. Now, I'm back at home, feeling like a miserable failure, but I am much better off. </p>

<p>Where should I go from here? I know it's a very broad question but I am so lost and afraid. I feel like I should have this all together but I am falling apart. Did I make a bad decision? What should I be taking? Should I be working? Should I look for someone to talk to about this?</p>

<p>Thank you so much :)</p>

2

<p>I think some counselling with a trained professional would be helpful. </p>

3

<p>You should find a counselor or therapist that you can talk to so you can work on your anxiety and issues with depression and eating disorders. I think you will find it helpful. As you get those issues addressed, other things will be clearer and begin to fall into place. It’s also ok to change and adjust your plans and goals. That’s not failure, it’s development of maturity and self awareness. You may find something you are very passionate about when you take a variety of classes.</p>

4

<p>espresso1, your feelings of anxiety are very real. I have witnessed first-hand a young adult much like you: high-functioning, academic star who becomes nearly incapacitated with social anxiety. She did not show many signs in her cozy high school, but in college, well, that new environment triggered everything. The good news: you can overcome this anxiety disorder, set and reach goals, and live a joyful life.</p>

<p>Time to think differently about your last few weeks. The words “mess” and “failure” do not apply to you. You learned many things about yourself in just a few weeks at college: 1) you are an introvert and need lots of time alone to recharge. That is what single rooms and off-campus apartments are for. So many kids fake their enjoyment of the party scene just to fit in. Not you, and that’s a great thing. 2) the whole “career in pharmacy” thing makes you feel hemmed in and nervous, like it isn’t your lifetime dream. Well, it’s only logical this plan is bothering you! You were valedictorian and you’ve already narrowed down your career choices! Professors long to engage bright thinkers with big ideas, to teach them better writing, better reasoning, and to see the light bulb go on in their minds. Hence, you need a liberal arts education, a broadening 4 years in which you explore new subjects along with the old ones. 3) your anxiety is a big deal and you cannot move forward without facing it. Thus you went home to sort it all out. Again, a very good decision. Some people never get as much self-awareness as you have gained from this experience.</p>

<p>Please talk to your parents in clear terms: you need therapy for anxiety immediately, and you need their support as you walk through the process. The therapist should have experience with young adults. That therapist may, after a few visits, recommend medication. Also, there are books like David Burns’s “When Panic Attacks” which will help you change that catastrophic thinking (‘every plan down the drain’) into a healthy affirming thought (something like, ‘I re-evaluated my needs and am making a new plan’). If you liked your old school enough to want to possibly return next year, open the communication lines with the Dean of Students or equivalent. Your situation is VERY common and administrators walk kids through it often. Your parent can help by calling or going with you for a meeting. Be encouraged! If you take extra time to get back on track, it is completely worth it! Forget “having it all together.” It’s a myth. “All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost.” (Tolkien) </p>

5

<p>Seconded! Don’t give up and don’t give up on yourself. You need some help–a lot of kids do–and anxiety is really debilitating. Take care, take heart and if you feel like you can’t talk to your parents about this, your college has a student health center. Good luck.</p>

6

<p>Zoloft and xanax and bi-weekly therapy. Your school should have had a mental health office. Unfortunate you left school prior to talking to anyone. You have to face your fears and medication can help. I’d get on something as soon as possible and try returning to school in January. Living at home is not college. Good luck.</p>