I’ve sort of had a wake up call recently. To start off, I am a computer science major and currently a sophomore. I really have screwed up my college career. I did decent my freshman year receiving A’s and B’s but my sophomore year so far I’ve really screwed up. A little about me, I love gaming and watching cartoons. Call me immature, but it comforts me and puts me in a happy mood when i’m feeling down. I’ve sold most of my life so far to those two things spending hours playing games and watching shows and whatnot, so you could call me an addict. I play more than I study because for some reason I don’t feel motivated or I procrastinate to the point where I just rush it by looking up answers on the internet or posting it on a website to have people answer the question so I don’t learn the material. I’ve only failed or gotten bellow a B on one class and that was a trigonometry class. I fell in love with a girl who I would spend hours at her house hanging out with. Since she was in a community college learning English, she had tons of free time. Of course I failed the class since I fell terribly behind, and to have her only dump me later on too. I feel lonely and out of place here. My father a very successful doctor who studied at a top notch school thinks that his son is following in his footsteps but in all reality i’m a piece of shit. Even though we are mid term this semester I’ve already fallen behind and don’t know if I can get back up. I have two midterms one in calculus and another in computer science tomorrow and looking at the material feels like a man who only speaks English trying to read Chinese. I’m not sure what I’m doing here I loved my lower computer science classes since I understood them and even got A’s on them but had to take a year off of computer science because the class wasn’t offered and I also didn’t have the pre-reqs. I’m in this class not knowing what i’m doing half of the time while other students have been programming since high school… I can’t take any lower division computer science since i’ve taken all of them, and yet I feel incredibly lost. Math is confusing and if im struggling in first year calculus imagine how I will be later on when I have to take higher level math. I’m lonely and confused, and honestly don’t even feel like living anymore. The only plan that I have so far is to drop my math class and take it later but that would add another W and make three W’s in my record, as well as putting me even further behind my normal graduating schedule. I know that I myself can find the answers to my problem but typing this horribly put together message comforts me a bit. Thanks, for reading.
You don’t have to figure it all out yourself. Your college has a counseling center. Go there today. I guarantee you won’t be telling them anything shocking that they’ve never helped a student deal with before.
Ditto on the counseling center. I skimmed your long paragraph and it seems as if you need help with making some real changes. A computer games et al addiction? Trouble with math may mean your major is not the best one for you- CS involves more than just the basic courses. Career counseling sounds in order along with the general counseling. Colleges offer interest and aptitude testing. You seem overwhelmed and it is time to get help. Parents, even physicians, are not the ones to get professional help from. College counselors are trained in this and can be objective. You future is not ruined, you need to do a major correction in your path. Make that appointment this week.
I want you to know this, and remember it: A whole world of opportunities is in front of you for a great life. You’ve just been thrown a curve ball. You absolutely need to speak to a counselor at school, and also your advisor. Maybe even the RA in your dorm? Get some help. It is hard for most of us to get help, but it is the right thing to do. Lots of people take a detour from their initial plans.
There’s no reason you have to live up to anyone’s expectations. The whole point of college is for you to get the tools you need to do something you want to do with your life. If you aren’t getting the tools, it isn’t working.
I don’t know your parents, but I think most parents just want their kids to grow up to find something they like to do, be able to have a family, have interests and friends. College is supposed to contribute that. Please, take the time right now to call the school’s counseling office and your advisor and make appointments.
I would withdraw from both the math and computer science class BEFORE the exams. Is it past the withdrawal date? If you do it early enough there is usually no “W” on the transcript. If you see a counselor who can document that you are depressed, you can also consider a medical withdrawal with the slate wiped clean for the semester, meaning no grades and no W’s either. It is important to protect your transcript if you can. The school might let you do a reduced courseload and say if a professional can say you met and you are addressing your problems.
For any of these options you need to speak with a counselor and maybe a dean. Now, today, or tomorrow before the exams, you need to seek out help. If there are no appointments, go on a crisis basis. And see if you can withdraw from those classes.
The larger picture might be a switch out of computer science. You might want some time off to rethink things, intern, volunteer, that kind of thing. Or you might have other ideas about a major. It really helps to have someone to talk to during a transition.
You know you are seeking comfort from the games and cartoons, so the real question is comfort to deal with what? You might benefit a lot from some depression treatment. I have read that half of college students need this, so you are far from alone.
I promise you things will be okay. Many of us have kids who have gone through similar things. And life is rarely a straight line going up, it is more bumpy and zig zaggy. In the end you benefit from allowing those zigs and zags. So changing direction can be viewed as a positive- one you are through it!