@tiggerdad, Bravo.
Im about to put my 3rd through college, and Im quite aware of inner workings of financial aid offices.
This will be my last comment because some of you are arguing about whether folks cheated, or whether they got away with it. Some just have to have the last word, smdhâŚ
Maybe some did and it worked, maybe some didnt. My point was folks will try all sorts of things to qualify for aid.
Wow. The OP feels cheated by the admissions process, and so does her D, and posts about it and gets some harsh comments and advice here about it. The harsher comments follow the âget over itâ mantra and donât bother invoking God. I might agree with the latter part, I am sure God is busy being Holy and what not, but Iâm pretty sure I donât agree with the âget over itâ and mind your own plate and mind your own business comments.
And while it might be true the fake activities might not have been the determining factor, although they might have been, who is to say, regardless of that that isnât the point.
If the OP has credible knowledge of cheating to get in to admissions why shouldnât she report it anonymously? Maybe she will get caught at the person reporting it. Yeah, maybe. Well, guess what, having principles means you deal with flake like that if you have too. I say go ahead and turn them in. Why not? Why protect them? Why turn the other way?
The comments and advice I do agree with 100% is be proud of your D either way and donât worry about it either way. Even if you report it, and nothing happens, that is fine. Youâve got to look yourself in the mirror. You could also let it go, if that feels ârightâ but acting like it is no big deal is bogus. It is a big deal and it shouldnât go unpunished.
Google âDeferred Compensationâ. It is a is perfectly legal and very common among employees whose compensation varies significantly from year to year, or those who are close to retirement. In this case, it sounds like the employer agreed to defer compensation for the years the child was in college in order to make the family eligible for more need based financial aid.
As long as schools insist on ridiculous face tuition with hefty deductions for low income, people will game the system to reduce their tuition burden. Donât blame the players, blame the game.
I feel there are those who are less than honest and donât feel bad cheating the system.
I also feel that colleges know about âcharitiesâ and âmission tripsâ. Too many upper middle class have them for them not to be a dime a dozen.
I think that these kids should get jobs at their country club and find out that there are plenty of kids to help right in their neighborhood instead of a third world country. Where you might be able to safari at the same time. 
@Tiggerdad Bravo x2
Colleges are on to these mission trips that are really vacations.
There seem to be a lot of aspiring Stasi members on this thread who feel like reporting this to someone is such a great idea. What would the possible benefit to the OP be? Is she going to feel better if the other kid gets revoked? Odds are one in a million that OPs kid is all of the sudden going to get in because the neighbor didnât.
There is no sane or rational reason for reporting this to anyone. Isnât it enough to just sit home and marinate in your moral superiority knowing that you did it the right way? Do any of you think that all of the sudden the morally challenged in our society are going to start behaving better because you never know if your neighbor is going to rat you out? Geez.
Sure, but this is not the storyâŚthe story is that the employer/employee friends schemed together to defraud the FA office. Specifically, the poster claimed:
If it was all done legitimately, then the poster has NO BUSINESS being offended and shocked by it. Canât have it both ways.
But what is âcredible knowledge?â Speculating that somebody got admitted to a college because they went on a trip that YOU think was not for charity, and which YOU think was mis-reported on a college application?
Sheesh. Just accept that some kids are going to get into colleges that your kid couldnât get into for many, many reasons. And your kid will probably get into colleges that other kids wonât get into. If it makes you feel better to think they got in because of cheating, then comfort yourself with that thought. But go off and make baseless, false reports that somebody cheated when you have no real, concrete proof of it, well, in my book thatâs called defamation.
By that argument, any wrongdoing that doesnât directly affect someone is none of their business. According to some schools of thought, violating a schoolâs honor code is acceptable if an admission decision isnât entirely attributable to a studentâs lie or exaggeration.
In this case, the evidence is muddled, and youâll note that certainty an accusation is well-founded is a condition I set before advising anyone to report anything. In clear-cut cases (though these are rare), there should be no hesitation.When good people stand by and say nothing, dishonesty flourishes.
Nothing wrong with reporting wrongdoing. Everything wrong with making a public accusation that somebody cheated if itâs not true. Thatâs defamatory.
Not everything you hear is true. A college teammate and my daughter went to rival high schools and the last time they played the frienemyâs father was bragging in the crowd of how his daughter was going to college on a âfull ride athletic scholarshipâ. He must have said âSheâs got a FULL RIDEâ about 10 times within my hearing. No, she doesnât have a full ride. I know what her scholarship is and it is not a full ride athletic scholarship, and not even full tuition. She may, and probably does, have other grants and funds that pay a good deal of her COA, but it is not a full ride athletic scholarship as claimed. The father is okay to talk to, but he just brags about things that arenât true and it causes hard feelings among the rest of the players because they are all thinking âHey, I donât have a full ride, and thatâs not fair.â
Iâm in the âvent away, but nothingâs going to changeâ group.
Chances adcoms swooned over a 17 y.o. (or younger) founding a charity are almost pathetically slim. What makes anyone think this is a defining BFD to them? You think an adcom team goes, âOh, wow,â and rubber stamps?
Iâd want to know what the other activities were. Plus the rest.
To reassure OP, not only didnât the daughter get into Duke because of the charity, but that charity was either crossed out as a non-achievement or got an eye-roll/ding. Adcoms consider those vacation by rich people who try to feel better about spending tons of money on a trip when others are starving/being tortured where theyâre vacationing, not to mention parents who buy 2 weeks all expenses paid for their to experience poverty and dig wells when theyâd have been better off volunteering at home and sending the money to a reputable charity. The ONLY situation where âcharity abroadâ is seen as a positive is if itâs entirely student-designed, starts at home, focusing on the city (near) where the student lives, and then expands to abroad. A good example would be a student helping Haitian immigrant kids in his/her neighborhood personally&one-on-one and by coordonating efforts on their behalf, then raising money for the villages where the one-on-one kids s/he helped came from.
In short, the daughter got into Duke for ârealâ achievements, not for the fake one, which was a stupid idea showing the desperation some status-conscious parents will go to⌠for what, exactly?
I hope your daugher gets into good colleges - forget about the friendsâ daughter and forget about prestige, think in terms of fit for your own daughter.
@deb922, frankly, I am one of those parents that hopes for her kids to go to one of those orphanage mission trips in HS, not to boost her college resume, but for her to see first-hand how good she has it and to get appreciation for little things she takes for granted. And yes, Iâll encourage her to get involved with Special Olympics once she is old enough to volunteer (14), so that she learns to appreciate the gift of good health and hopefully considers that this gift, along with all the other gifts sheâs been showered with, like sharp mind, etc., is already a huge award not to be squandered away but to be put to good use.
I am also in those camp who think the non-profit likely didnât tip the scale - just read through the list of acceptances/rejects, and youâll see how many with top scores and amazing ECâs didnât get in while others didnât - I am a strong believer top colleges are able to see through all the glitter and look into the kidâs soul through his or her essay.
OP may feel that her daughter was possible cheated out of a spot because of applicants who cheat, regardless of whether the neighbor actually cheated or not. What would be more concerning to me - the way I present this to my daughter. Telling her that âthe world is full of cheaters and they get ahead in lifeâ is totally unproductive in my book. It may alienate my daughter from the world, and also teach her to blame someone else for her own shortcomings. So if I was in OPâs shoes, Iâd tell my daughter âboth you and the neighbor has proven through your grades, scores and ECâs that you could do well. Maybe the neighbor got luckier with an admission officer, maybe her personality is just a better fit to this college. You are wonderful, smart, and college is just a pit stop in your life journey. You may have to choose a path less traveled to reach your mountain top, but you need to travel your own path, not get distracted by distracting paths of others.â But again, thatâs MHO.
@parrtyof5 I agree.
@MYOS1634, I am surprised at your disdain. I could just as easily make fun of volunteering locally, claiming that tutoring underprivileged kids or performing at senior homes only gives rich kids an opportunity to practice for school while getting credit for doing something extraordinary. Yes, there may be bad programs out there, but there are so many that do real good, and having HS actually travel and live at orphanages and impoverished villages brings more good to everyone than simply sending supplies through a non-profit
@typiCAmom, hey you can do whatever you want your kids to do. No argument from me.
My point was that kids can see poverty and suffering right in their own neighborhood. We didnât have the money for our kids to visit impoverished villages and orphanages. They worked in jobs where they saw how easy they had it.
Iâm not a big fan of mission trips but thatâs me.
@ 69,
I am pretty sure the OP said she knew for sure that the overseas âcharityâ trip was a family vaca. That sounds credible to me and maybe reporting it amounts to nothing, or even worse, whining, but not reporting it feels worse to me. And yes, that is just me. I am not sure I would report it if I were the OP, and you can bet your bottom dollar I would make sure my facts were right before I did report it, I might let it go too.
But, if I were the OP, Iâd lean towards reporting it even if it changed nothing. It would make me feel better possibly. That is good enough for me. Letting things go ⌠is just weak and lame. Not always, there are no absolutes, but just shrugging ones shoulders is weak. Not my style, generally speaking, I donât say much but if I do have something to say Iâm willing to go to the mat over it. Iâm so tough :-).