Nyu is my top choice but I reread my essay and it feels… Lacking. Could someone ease read over it for me and give an honest oppinion on it. Be mean ease I don’t want to hear what you think I want to hear I want an honest oppinion
I spent the first three years of high school being undecided. I was good at math so I thought I should be an engineer. I was good at science so I thought I should be a doctor. It wasn’t until the summer after my junior year that an unexpected gift gave me the direction I needed. My uncle gave me a book called Lessons for the Young Economist and from the moment I read it I was hooked. I knew that my real passion was for finance. So I did my due diligence and searched for the best finance schools in the country. Every list on every site had the Stern School of Business ranked near the very top and upon further investigation I learned that it was a highly regarded by the best investment banks in the world, many of which are just a cab ride away from NYU.
While NYU exceeded my expectations for education and reputation there was still one problem: I had never been to New York City. As a child I spent a lot of time in Chicago so I knew what big cities felt like, but this was the Big Apple and if you ask a hundred people you will get a hundred different opinions. So I visited NYU in the fall and I was finally in a position to form my own opinions and pass my own judgments. I fell in love with New York. In the short time I was there, we saw the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Times Square and Central Park; all of which were amazing. But we also spent time away from the tourist sites as we ate in restaurants that were off the beaten path, rode the subway and talked to the people of New York. The already amazing experience was punctuated with a campus visit. What I learned on my visit is that NYU is unique in that it has all the vibrancy of the big city but still maintains the sense of community that one expects from a university.
I am very pleased to know that NYU not only meets but exceeds my expectations in every category. From the world class business school to the amazing city, NYU is a school where I know that could thrive and truly make a difference.
I have the stats to make it in potentially (35 act and 4.3/3.98) but I am worried my essay just isn’t good enough
I’m not sure why, but your first paragraph doesn’t flow. It sounds almost robotic. You could benefit from adding more emotion to it. I’d also shy away from saying that you were attracted to NYU because of its ranking. In mine, I talked about how I stumbled upon research someone from the Department of Politics did that I used for a debate topic (I want to major in politics). Between your interest in its rank and your connection to the city, it feels quite impersonal. You don’t really talk about the opportunities that you’d like to be a part of or what you would like to contribute to the campus. I think for a 400 word essay they want to know that you did some research. Talk about how the values that you share with the university. Mention specifics like professors who will help you in your endeavors. Make them understand why you belong there.
How about replacing some of the vague descriptions with SPECIFIC personal details? That way they will get a better sense of who you are.
I like the part about your uncle giving you the book. Add some details like:
-was he your favorite uncle?
-did he always give you books? At the time were you disappointed it wasn’t a gift card?
-did you plow through the book in one night because you were so captivated?
And I think the way you describe NYC is a bit trite. What did the New Yorkers say when you talked to them? Where did you ride the subway to/from? What was the weather like? The smells? The energy?
And definitely heed what @vwnyu22 says. Lots of good points in that post.
I agree with the above. It sounds a little generic - there’s no “you” in there. What is it about YOU that made the visit to NYC seal your desire to attend NYU? What is it about YOU that likes the vibrancy of a big city and the community feel? They know they’re a top rated school; they know they’re in a great city. They want to know about you.
@4gsmom@BSL1199 Ya thanks for the help everyone, I really appreciate the feed back. I wish I got some advice before I submitted, but I was afraid it would get copied or something stupid like that. As for the criticism, all my other essays I did exactly like you guys said but this one, I don’t know if I went brain dead or what because this “masterpiece” is what I created. Anyways, do you think I still have a chance at stern. I know it is hyper competitive and this essay isn’t doing me any favors, but could my stats possibly make up for it. I am just glad this essay is generic as opposed to stright up bad like I thought.
Well, I would not have said all that if I knew you had already submitted it :)!!! I would have told you to put it behind you. There’s no sense second guessing things now. This is a tough/stressful process. Focus on positive things, feel good about yourself, and reward yourself for all that you have accomplished so far.
I agree with @BSL1199 - just relax and see what the process brings. I have a daughter at NYU, though not at Stern, and it is a great place to go to school. But it’s not the only place! Best of luck to you!
It is a terrible idea to post your essay on this or any forum. Look at the top couple of posts pinned onto the essay thread. The essay could come up on a plagiarism check and/or your ideas can be stolen by another applicant. If you want it reviewed, ask for help and only send it to seasoned adult posters. IMO it is best to have an English teacher you trust read over your essays.