I had a lot of ambition going into high school. I had plans to do all these great activities, be appointed to all these great positions, get good grades, etc. I really feel like everything that was in my control, I succeeded at. My grades and test scores are a match or at least within consideration (50%+ range) for ivies, and I’m very proud of that. However, that’s pretty much where my success ends.
I am now a rising senior. I tried so many times to become more involved in clubs and societies and to gain leadership positions within them. I applied to student council and ran for a position multiple times with no success. I applied to club leadership but I could not even get an intern position after trying 3 times. At one point I was even told by the club president that my drive to get into a top school was one of the deciding factors in my denial?? To add salt to the wound, after 3 years of participation in the club via competing, attending conferences, and participating in events, positions were given to people who had just joined that my junior year.
After all this, I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and start my own club. The application was denied, as I covered in another thread.
I really feel like I could have been a real contender for the ivy leagues and I did everything in my power to make it so, but factors outside of my control are what brought me down. I tried to pursue every option available to me including starting my own club, but even that didn’t pan out, and as the application season is right around the corner I am stricken with sadness each time I contemplate my chances.
The end result is a real feeling of disappointment, and a sense that I let myself down. Both future college/career me, and the ambitious middle schooler who was ready to conquer high school. I will probably get into a decent state school or something, but I could have done so, so much better, and I know it. I know I could have succeeded in a leadership position or in my own club and I am extremely confident in my abilities; I just never had the opportunity to demonstrate them, both to my peers and to colleges.
Continue to work hard. For whatever reason, some of your goals haven’t been realized but that’s ok. You’ve learned, grown and bettered yourself for the effort. You have contributed to the world around you. In the big picture, that is what is important.
When I think of the amazingly successful people I know personally or who live in my community, not one of them has gone to an Ivy League school. Recently, in my city’s newspaper there was an article about one of the most successful residents and his career. I couldn’t help but notice he went to two community colleges. The only co-worker I ever had who got fired was a Harvard graduate.
Not only will you be ok, you will probably be better off in whatever direction your path takes you rather than what you had planned out. You’re only just getting started in life. I’m certain you will have the opportunity for leadership if you truly have the ability that you believe. Press on and rest easy.
I have a confession to make: I didn’t go to an Ivy League school. Wait-- it gets better-- I went to COMMUNITY COLLEGE!!! That’s right, I spent 2 years at CC, got my Associate’s Degree, then went on to a local university for my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees. (The only dorms I’ve ever seen in my life have been those I’ve toured with my kids and the one my son spent last year in.)
I’ve been teaching math since 1980. I was department chair for 8 years. (Then I quit, spent 5 years home with my 3 young kids, and returned to the same school.)
I’m happily married. I beat breast cancer 9 years ago. I’m in the process of planning next year’s return to Disney World, my happy place.
Here’s my point: you seem to think that an Ivy League education is the one and only path to happiness. I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong.
Being the leader of a club in high school is NOT the focus of a well rounded education.
Take a step back, and start to figure out where you want to be when you’re my age. Focus on what matters-- and it’s not being the president of some high school club.
I have to agree that what makes for an epic life is not so much chasing prestige, but digging down deep and trying to figure out what you can do to make this a better world. (And I did go to an ivy, but I am here to tell you its not the be all and end all you think it is).
It’s true you see other people around you getting opportunities, and you think, “what’s wrong with me?” The answer is nothing. Bad luck maybe at most.
Just like happiness, where no one can give it to you, you need to create your own, create your own opportunities. If President of a school club isn’t possible, because they won’t accept your app, look in your community at large. Find a need and focus on it.
There are lots of opportunities to get involved and show your leadership if you keep looking and creating them for yourself. Good Luck! Game not over yet.
As others have said, the road to success does not need to go through the Ivy League. There are some very successful people who have graduated from Ivy League schools. There are a lot more successful people who never went to an Ivy League school.
Also, the road to leadership does not come from trying to make yourself successful. The road to leadership comes from seeing a problem that needs to be solved, and figuring out how to solve it. However, you are almost never going to accomplish anything of importance by yourself. If you want to be a leader, you have to focus on making other people better and making a team better so that the team can accomplish something important. A true leader leads by helping others.
You don’t have to be president of anything to make the world a better place. You just have to work hard and care about others.
The fact that your ambitions are being held against you by your club peers indicates that you give the impression (fair or not) of seeking leadership for yourself, rather to make the club better for everyone. Work on being helpful and fixing problems, not collecting titles. You’ll have something to write about or talk about in an interview, and your fellow students will appreciate you more.
What happened it would seem is that people got the idea that you wanted to be a leader because you wanted it to look good for your college applications, not because you wanted to lead the club.
There are many ways to show leadership besides being the president of a club:
I do alumni interviews and leadership i have seen:
-Student involved in ethnic community center for years and then is asked to teach little kids
-Actual officer in a club
-Watched his little brother after school and encouraged parents to sign up brother for sports team and took him to practice
-Within a club, organized an activity for that club
-Led a community service activity
-Led singer of a band - sings, chooses set list, organizes transportation for other members
-Summer Camp counselor
-Boy Scout Eagle Award/Girl Scout Gold Award
-EMT Cadet
-Boys State/Girls State
So think about what you are involved in in your school and in your commuinity/family/house of worship/job. How can you take those opportunities further?
Also I remember when I was on the varsity soccer team in HS and the coach was choosing a captain for the year. I remember thinking: I would like to be captain…that would be cool…it would be an honor.
Needless to say, I did not get chosen.
In college, they started up a varsity soccer team. I was excited about this and helped recruit players and taught them kicking techniques because some of them were new to soccer (this was in the 80’s!). i was selected Captain because I was showing leadership…not because I felt entitled to it.
I’ve had a similar situation in middle school. I’m an international student, and in my country there’s a test you have to take to get into a good high school, and for some reason, even if I studied hard, I missed one of the best high schools in my city by 10 points, and I had to go to a school that’s not that competitive. Even though first I had a hard time getting accustomed to the community and people who thought I was nothing more than a nerd, this not-that-competitive school opened doors for me to get a 100% scholarship to study in America. So even if you first don’t go to an ivy, don’t feel bad and just spend time on what you love doing. I picked up piano (after a year long break) after I couldn’t get in my dream school, and improved a lot, and that’s probably how I got my scholarship.
You seem to think that if you had been able to be a president of a school club – either an existing club or one you started – then you would’ve for sure been admitted to an Ivy. That is simply not true. Students who are admitted to Ivies have often earned 20-40 awards and honors outside of school, including international and national awards. Their achievements and activities go way beyond school to the world around them. Because of the number of stellar applicants, thousands of students who have done way more than be president of a school club are still denied admission to an Ivy. So you can stop thinking that these people whom you blame for your inability to lead a school club are the ones at fault for your upcoming assumed rejection from Ivies.
If you are “stricken with sadness” because you can’t attend an Ivy, then I guess the vast majority of students in the USA can be stricken with sadness as well, since not everyone can attend one. Even those who get admitted to an Ivy or other top university are not always able to afford to attend. Learning to deal with the realities of life are part of growing up. It won’t do you any good to be jealous of what other people have and you don’t have. I could mope that I don’t live in a mansion like a celebrity, but what good would that do? Or that I don’t make several million dollars a year as a CEO of a large corporation, but what good would that do? Be grateful for what you have, and for the opportunities that are realistic for you right now. You will be able to get into lots of fine universities, all of which can provide you with the education to launch your career.
This is the problem^^. You can’t force yourself into a leadership position. It means your heart wasn’t in the activity and your classmates saw it immediately.
One of my dd’s classmates got into Stanford and Harvard. He chose Stanford.
In his AP English class, he wrote about the people he met every week when he drove his mother to her chemo treatments when she could no longer drive.
On his own, he collected backpacks and school supplies at our high school for kids, from his mother’s town, whose main manufacturing company had to downsize. ( His counselor apparently had more of the details from his teachers and wrote well about him).
My younger DS was on the same sports team and spoke highly of how this kid would cheer up the team after a loss.
It’s not about having a leadership position in a club you will no longer partake in. It’s about what you do in your heart that the adcoms can see; they are sharp in their admissions and know what they want.
You are the same person whether you go to an Ivy or CC or anything in between. THink about what you have learned about yourself - who are you and who do you want to be in the world and what do you need to do to bridge that gap? It should be something in your power.
If you want to lead but others don’t want to follow, figure out what’s going on. Perhaps it’s simple - different people would follow you. Or perhaps you need to connect with them differently. If you learned something about yourself, your years were not wasted. You have your life in front of you. Figure out how to make it meaningful.
Wow. . . thank you all for the kind words and sound advice. I just want to clear up a few things and hopefully explain the situation a little bit more. It helps me to get my thoughts out to other people, so thanks again for responding.
@bjkmom, @mommyrocks, I definitely understand that going to an Ivy League college isn’t everything; thanks for making sure that that was clear. I will be perfectly happy going to a state school or wherever I end up. I’m just having trouble figuring out what I could have improved on or done differently, because I really feel like I tried my best and yet failed again and again. As @gardenstategal said, the most important thing is if I learned something about myself. I’ve searched hard for a lesson, but I can’t find one.
@bopper, @“aunt bea”, if I may explain myself, I definitely didn’t feel entitled to a position nor did I only want to have a position for the prestige. Part of the reason why I’m so confused and distraught is that I don’t know where that perception came from, at least in the particular case of the club internship position. I think the president might have just overheard me talking about my dream schools to a friend or something; it’s not like I go around bemoaning the fact that I have no leadership roles and praising the Ivies.
My heart was definitely in every one of the applications, interviews, and elections I performed or participated in. I saw things that I thought I could improve, and then I tried to put myself in a position to improve them. When I did those things, I wasn’t thinking of college or anything like that. It’s only now, looking back, that I’m disappointed in myself and what I could have done better.
Okay, @InBread , you aren’t done yet! You need to dig deeper on a number of things. Why do you think those schools are your dream? Why were you not successful in getting leadership positions?
I don’t know you, but I can envision scenarios in which the other students don’t connect with you, don’t trust you to listen to them, or think you’ll do it your way because you think you are smarter than they are. But you have also learned what’s difficult with wanting something that depends on others. It’s the difference between saying “I want to run my personal best for a mile” and “I want to win the race.”
You may do well to think about your relationships with others, including people who aren’t really your “type”. All through life, we end up around all kinds of people and sometimes, we’re not around a type that is enjoyable. Finding a way to make that work for you is important.
If you are convinced you did everything right and people just got in your way, keep thinking! You’re doing the right thing in examining this. It takes courage.