I unknowingly picked a commuter school when I was a high school senior. I’m now a second semester sophomore and have failed to bond with people. Most people I meet commute, and the few who don’t have weekend-consuming jobs and don’t invite me to anything. I don’t drive and the food court closes early and on weekends, leaving me hungry. I joined a club as a second semester freshman but was shunned. Part of me wants to transfer away from this prison but another part of me fears the complications of transferring. I feel trapped between being isolated by a commuting culture and being isolated by being a transfer student.
I’d look into transferring if you can afford it. Sounds like you can’t be much more isolated than you already are.
Are you attending an actual commuter school or are you attending a school with dormitories where a large percentage of the student population happens to commute?
You can still be friends with people who commute. Don’t rule people out just because they commute. Are there free times during your day that overlap with free times during their day? They are most likely just hanging around campus in between classes. Could you meet up with someone to get lunch? The closer you get with people the more likely they are to hang out with you at night or on weekends.
You say that people aren’t inviting you to anything, but are you inviting them to anything? If you sit around wondering why no one is asking you to do anything, you could be waiting around forever. Ask someone else to do something. See a movie, try out a new restaurant, go to a popular hangout place. Even just studying with people can help you make friends. You can always ask them to go out and grab something to eat afterwards or get snacks or talk during breaks. Even if they are busy, everyone has to eat at some point. You can invite them to get some food.
Stock your room with snacks so that you have something to eat when the dining hall is closed and you’re too lazy to get food. Is there public transportation in the area? Do you have a bike or could you get one? That will help you more easily get to places on the weekend. Could you go out to eat or order in during times when the dining hall is closed (I’m assuming your dorm room doesn’t have a kitchen)? Could you rent a car from something like zipcar? Once you start getting to know more people perhaps you could all pitch in to get a cab when you want to go somewhere together. Befriend people with cars. Your at a school full of commuters–there have have to be tons of them.
Were you actually shunned from the club or did you just feel awkward because you didn’t know anyone and didn’t feel comfortable starting conversations? You can’t always expect other people to come up to you. Sometimes, you have to take the initiative. Is there another club you can try? Try something with a lot of social events–like going out to restaurants, playing games like laser tag/dodgeball, or other events like that. Clubs that do a lot of volunteering are also good too because it’s easier to talk to people when your doing something together. Talk to people and ask them to do things outside of the club that you think would be fun. Are there events on campus that you could invite people too? You could also run for a leadership position in a club or try to get on a committee where you have to plan an event or something. That’ll force you to work with more people and get to know them in the process.
Something else that might be helpful if you’re not very outgoing is getting a job on campus where you would work with a lot of other students–something like the dining hall or the library. You can chat with your coworkers and get to know more students. Students who work on campus may be more likely to live on campus, as well, rather than being commuters. Even if they do commute, they are on campus more often if they go to class and work on campus.
Do you live in a dorm? Every other person who lives if your dorm is not a commuter. Have you met any people in your dorm? Are there events that your dorm holds? Have you tried just hanging out in a lounge or common room in the building and striking up conversations with other people? If you live on campus and many other students are commuters, you could also give other people you meet (who you want to befriend) hang out in your dorm between their classes. Commuters often need somewhere to spend their time since they can’t go home as easily throughout the day.
Do most people commute from far away? Or do they just live off campus, but still nearby? If they live in apartment complexes nearby, they may be much more available to hangout than you think they are versus someone who lives at home forty-five minutes away.
EDIT: Sorry, I forgot to address the transferring.
To be honest, I don’t know if transferring would really solve your problems. Academically, are things going okay? Academic reasons are usually good reasons to transfer. But socially, you may find it just as hard to make friends at the new school, even if the new school primarily has students who live on campus. As a transfer student, it’ll be harder to meet people in general, and you may be in the same situation you are in now, just at a new school where you don’t know anyone or where anything is. Is there a school you would transfer to where you already know some people? That might be better, but you want to make sure that academically the school you transfer to is still a good fit. You picked this school for a reason. Are those reasons still true?
That being said, you shouldn’t not transfer just because you are afraid of the process. Take a look at the process for schools that you would like to transfer to. Look at when deadlines are and what the requirements are to see how feasible transferring would be. See if the credits from your school would transfer or if it would take longer to graduate if you transferred. Talk to an advisor at your school to see if they have any advice or suggestions for you.
It’s so bad that I miss high school! I spend my weekends alone in my dorm room feeling imprisoned and depressed.
Those who dorm go home the second the weekned begins, and oftentimes during the week as well. The common rooms are always empty.
The people in the club ran away from me whenever I approached them and denied me a job that made use of my skills and hobbies.
what are your grades like? HOw much can your parents afford to pay? What state do you live in?
It sounds like transferring is in order - perhaps looking for a residential, tight-knit school with a lot of oncampus activities and a transfer orientation?
Would you mind smaller schools that welcome transfers? What about your state’s flagship?
I’m not sure about my grades freshman year, but my grades last semester were a C, a D, and an F. I’m currently retaking the class that I got an F in. In high school I was at the top of my class. I don’t trust my parents’ word when it comes to what they can afford. I live in New Jersey and I go to William Paterson.
Were you offered a scholarship to WIlliam Paterson? Most students at WP come with little preparation and motivation toward academics, so if you were a top student it must be a shock and very hard to find peers. Were you in the honors college (I assume that if you were, you were kicked out for the grades last semester).
You’re actually on probation, aren’t you?
So, if you want to transfer, you need to get transfer-worthy grades. That has to be your only goal this semester.
Does WP offer the option to “make up” or “replace” grades of C and D, too? Because if possible, you should do that.
If you want to “escape”, you need to get all three grades to A’s/Bs. Can you handle taking 5 classes, 3 you’ve already taken, and 2 you haven’t?
To make life less miserable, try to hang out with the honors students - see if you can audit one freshman honors seminar (perhaps explain your situation to the instructor) and get to know students who live in the honors dorm. You don’t have a social life so it’s not like your life is hectic with all the things you do - invest time into that.
Go to the tutoring center every day (hang out there :p, it’ll be good for you socially AND academically)!
And DO retake that D at the very least! Your college transcript should not have anything below a C, and as few Cs as possible.
My classmates commuting makes it hard to check what the homework for my classes is, and my mom often forces me to do the wrong assignments. My mom claims that everyone at every school goes home every weekend, even if their school is far away from where they live, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to take that seriously. Is someone who goes to school in Philadelphia really going to go to Nevada every weekend?
^ I don’t understand that last point at all. How do the other students find out what the homework is? Does your teacher write it on the board? Most professors here use a website such as Blackboard to post the assignments, and if you need clarification, you could always ask after class. What does your mom have to do with this?
What? Your classmates have no power over whether or not you know what the homework is, and your mom really shouldn’t have any power over what assignments you do. Does your class have a syllabus? A website where homework assignments are posted? Does your professor give students assignments in class? Email them out? Figure out how you can know what is due when. Ask the professor if you don’t know how to access this. This is your responsibility, not your mother’s. Your classmates have nothing to do with this.
No, not everyone at every school goes home for the weekends. Some schools tend to have more students who live close enough to where they are from that they can go home on weekends. Some students are will to drive farther than others to go home for a weekend (I know some students who would drive 5+ hours home for a weekend), but most students who live far away won’t do this every weekend. Some schools have a lot of students who live off campus, so the campus may seem dead on weekends but there are still a lot of students near campus. I don’t know enough about your school to be able to say what type of school it is, but I promise you that not every student goes home every weekend. And even if every student does, then this is not the norm at every school.
This is your real problem. You need to pull your grades up both so that you can continue at this school and so that you have the option to transfer if you decide that that is what you want to do. Work with your professors to get your grades up. Find out if your school has a tutoring center or options for extra help. Figure out why you did poorly in the past and come up with a plan to fix it. Why do you not know what your grades freshman year were? Did you not check them? You should still be able to check them now.
Many students were at the top of their class in high school, and many students have a rude awakening when they get to college. The teaching is different, the workload is different, the way the classes and grades are structured is different, and the way you have to learn and study is different. You have to adjust and make a dedicated effort to pulling your grades up.
It doesn’t matter whether you trust your parents or not. They don’t have to pay for what they CAN afford. All you need to know is what they are willing to pay. Being able to pay more than they are willing to contribute is irrelevant. Or are you worried that they will say they are able to pay a certain amount and then will later tell you they can’t, leaving you in a financial bind?
You should have a syllabus for each class you take. You will NOT be reminded of your homework like in high school. It’s YOUR JOB to write down in your schedule book/calendar when each paper is due and when each exam is expected, then go back one week and write in big red letters START WORK ON ASSIGNEMENT … On that day, schedule to go to the tutoring center (although I strongly recommend you hang out there every day, you’ll be less miserable because you’ll know people.) Then dedicate time to work on this assignement at the tutoring center. You’ll often have concurrent due dates so you’ll need to juggle that, too.
If you’ve lost your syllabi or can’t locate them NOW, email professors politely (Dear Professor …, My name is WZ and I am enrolled in your ANTH130 class that meets MWF 10:30-11:25. Unfortunately, while commuting, I misplaced my syllabus. I was wondering whether you might be willing to email me a copy so that I can write the due dates in my calendar and catch up on what I have missed this session? Thank you very much for your help. Sincerely, WZ.)
By NOW, I mean NOW, so go locate these syllabi. 
I encourage you to try joining another club. Also curious why your mom is telling you what assignments do to.
Not to sound harsh, but maybe you could use that downtime with the other students not being there to study in peace and quiet. Your grades could use it.
Well I don’t mean to sound offensive but if you transfer and still do not make friends then the problem is maybe that you are shy. I would try getting more involve in school and try to talk to people even if u think you are annoying them. Invite them to hang out and try to see what they like. Because people are people anywhere.
I feel like I’ve blown all my oppertunities, both academically and socially, hence I feel “trapped”.
First things first: “repair” those grades of C, D, and F. All of them if you can.
Check your calendar to see if you can do that this semester. If not, plan to take the class(es) where you got a D over the summer to get a better grade and increase your GPA.
As I said before: hang out at the tutoring center. It’ll be good for you socially and academically. You may even make friends there!
With tutoring you can get yourself out of the academic hole. One day at a time. Do the reading before class, highlighting important things. Go to class. Participate. Ask questions at the end of class.
What’s your budget - if you want to transfer, we need to know how much money you can spend (without loans).
Everyone who stays in the dorms is “too busy” for me but isn’t too busy for anyone else.
Are you a minority? I would try to make friends with minority or international students, since they are typically in your situation. You should try other clubs and whenever the opportunity arises, just speak to other students…they won’t bite. It appears you are going through a rough adjustment period and this has nothing to do with attending a Commuter School. I went to a Commuter School for Undergrad and I made tons of friends from all over the world. What is your major? The grades you gave suggest you only did three classes for that one semester…is that correct? Why would other students run away from you when you approach them?
There’s barely any clubs, barely anyone is in any, and they never meet on weekends. The campus has no activities. Once I do my homework, I feel miserable all weekend. I’m so miserable that I feel like I’m in an electric chair.