I got caught cheating. What should I do?

Parents Forum
41

<p>^^agreeing with MOWC above. </p>

<p>Here, let me try an example. (One thing I don't hear loud and clear is that your school has talked to you meaningfully about any of this, other than to suspend you. That is why I'm jumping in to fill what I sense is a gap. Your parents might be stunned speechless, or not, because this was so uncharacteristic of you.)</p>

<p>The comparison: in academics, the currency or reward is grades. If you were in a storekeeper's shop and he excused himself momentarily, and you suddenly reached into the cash register to remove some bills, you stole. You didn't earn that money, you just tried to grab it. Others may have (should have) earned the money. And usually, you are a hardworking, honest worker; but you didn't deal well with a large temptation suddenly put in your path.</p>

<p>Can you figure out from whom you took the unearned goods? If you do, you can identify to whom you now owe restitution. (hint: you stole from several places, not just one...so it's an all-of-the-above kind of answer; think HARD...)</p>

<p>If you can use this awful week to challenge yourself to become an honest person within academic circles forever, you still belong in any college that will take you, tops or middling. The reason is that even a thief (which you were last week) can turn it around, by reflecting and making restitution, so he doesn't stay a permanent thief. </p>

<p>As well, you diminished your reputation. A person's good name is his reputation, and it too can be robbed from (by gossip, by others) or by onesself (as happened this past week)</p>

<p>But reputations can also be restored.</p>

<p>Are you capable of this kind of self-reflection and self-correction? Perhaps your school punished you lightly because they know you well enough to be hard on yourself. If you really tangle and wrestle with this now, I believe you will have the ability to recover your reputation and honesty following this incident. Some, not all, colleges/universities may recognize this, but that's for a future time to determine. Deal with NOW this week, and stop worrying so much about your college prospects. College admissions is really a smokescreen for what you need to come to understand this week or in the months ahead. If you figure it out, you might be a better candidate than some who arrive at college untested.</p>

<p>BTW, without blaming your teacher, as a teacher I did have a question about leavingt a computer open and exiting the room; to me, that's like putting a stumbling block before the blind, or leaving a cash register open while a customer is alone in a store. That doesn't excuse your bad decision, but I think it put you under considerable pressure somehow. As a teacher, I also didn't leave my purse sitting out on my desk when I taught poor students. It's currency, it's temptation. It's true and you recognized that you broke your teacher's trust, but I think the teacher made a bad judgment call then, too. JMHO.</p>

42

<p>"As a teacher, I also didn't leave my purse sitting out on my desk when I taught poor students."</p>

<p>Maybe you only taught poor kids, so used only them as examples. However, just in case -- the same applies to rich students. Anyone can be tempted to steal. After all, most shoplifters are middle class women with enough $ in their purses to pay for what they stole.</p>

43

<p>paying3tuitions....you never cease to amaze me with the fantastic guidance you offer! I hope this student heeds it. These are things he should do for now and for the reasons you stated. Worry about college apps later. At that time, after he has made these attempts to change and turn things around and make amends and make a difference, he will at the same time be better posed to apply to college and to write an effective statement on how he has dealt with this incident. Others will also be able to comment more favorably depending on what he does in the coming weeks.</p>

44

<p>point taken, NSM. I did only teach poor students; younger ones in a public school, and older ones in a max security prison. There I learned that, rich or poor, money left out is a temptation to avoid. </p>

<p>And I was constantly stunned at the high standards of honesty of many poor families.<br>
Plus, generosity. Am still remembering how when we ran a drive for a food bank, the people without two nickles to rub together brought in cans from their pantries, while the owner of a restaurant wrote in to say they "always" give to the poor so won't be having their child bring in any cans. What a missed opportunity for someone in a position to give to teach their kid some generosity! So yes, middle class people can be stingier than poor people. It's all about people, I guess, tho that sounds sophomoric.</p>

<p>I was tryiing, hamfistedly, to cause the student to think about "changing a grade" just like "stealing cash" as a violation of community trust. It was an attempt to make an abstraction more concrete, not to blast poor people, who need no more blasting than they take every day. Thanks, tho, for picking that up and correcting it.</p>

45

<p>I think in this case the teacher should also be held responsible. She should have locked the computer before she left her office. As an employee at a bank, we are required to lock our computer and "clean desk" wheneven we are not at our desk. The teacher has responsibility to safeguard her employer's proprietory information, even if the school has honor system.</p>

46

<p>Really, Oldfort? Blame the victim?
At some point, the buck has to stop.
In Denial made a bad choice. It is not a horrible thing, it is a bad choice. Now InDenial has to make right for the bad choice. It hardly seems to me that blaming the victim is the right approach to take.</p>

47

<p>@Anitaw-- Oldfort was picking up on a point I made, and Oldfort did so most professionally. Creating an honest environment is a two-way street. The teacher ALSO made a professional error, although not an ethical error, but it contributed to this OP's situation by providing temptation. While most other students wouldn't have imagined violating the teacher's space to click in on his grade roster, for this student it was a temptation, which I compared to leaving one's purse (or wallet) out on the teacher's desk, as an illustrative point. </p>

<p>After 3 pages, I thought OP deserved to also hear an additional idea: that there are contributory events that weaken a person's resolve. That, too, is a learning for this OP. If he feels tempted by such opportunities, next time he finds himself alone near an open computer with grades on it, he'll know to immediately exit the room and not stay in place. Some folks, when filling out taxes, bring in an accountant to make sure they stick by the rules, even if they could fill out the forms themselves. People are hardwired differently, and we have to know ourselves to stay honest despite temptations in many other directions. </p>

<p>As a teacher, I initiated that comment, and compared grades to currency, and an open computer with a gradesheet to an open cash register with bills hanging out in front of customers in a vacated store. </p>

<p>Oldfort picked it up as advice given to bankers to button down their desks before walking away from them, which I never knew and found interesting. </p>

<p>This poster didn't strike me as a student who was blaming anyone except himself. He expressed considerable admiration for his fine teacher, and regrets the breach of trust that he created. I'm saying that the teacher would be an even better teacher to learn not to leave any student alone in front of such a tempting opportunity. If I were that teacher, I wouldn't only be blaming the student, but would be thinking about how I might revise my habits to be more careful as well.</p>

48

<p>I was just thinking the same thing. I was once tempted when my teacher just turned her back and the grading was still there.</p>

49

<p>Blaming the victim is one thing. For the victim or potential victim to review the situation and assess what s/he could have done, could do to avoid such a situation in the future is a wise thing to do. As Paying3tuitions and Oldfort noted, you don't leave your purse/money draw out. True that people should not steal, but if you don't want to risk losing your money, you don't do certain things either. I think anyone who does something like that is certainly dubbed as careless. </p>

<p>My father ran a testing center, and he had to lock those files all of the time, and make sure they were locked. THat was part of his job. If any of those tests disappeared, you had better believe that they would blame the victim (him). He could lose his job. The same with a banker who is careless with his money drawer. Victim or not, his head would roll if someone stole his charge. I don't think we are so much blaming this teacher as bringing up the fact that she was careless. It does not mitigate what the student did. It's a whole separate issue.</p>

50

<p>
[quote]
I don't think we are so much blaming this teacher as bringing up the fact that she was careless.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>It was an issue of trust, which the OP broke.</p>

<p>I've had quite close relationships with teachers. I've actually designed exams (for underclassmen) for them. I know they would feel safe leaving a room with software on, with me.</p>

51

<p>paying3tuitions, while reading your post I couldn't help but think if you substituted different words in there you could use the same train of thought to justify rape, or at least shunt some of the blame onto the victim.</p>

<p>I don't think there's any issue with teachers placing trust in the student. My favorite prof actually gave me a make-up test (I was absent the day of it), and walked out to get some coffee. The exam was based entirely on a book which he knew I had in my backpack too. Maybe she should have locked it, but don't compare a bank or testing center to a high school. The first two have security of information in their top 3 priorities.</p>

52

<p>I always hate the excuse, I did it since there is so much pressure on me.</p>

53

<p>Galoisien wrote:
[quote]
I know they would feel safe leaving a room with softward on, with me.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>CollectiveSynergy wrote:
[quote]
I don't think there's any issue with teachers placing trust in the student. My favorite prof actually gave me a make-up test...and walked out to get some coffee.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Good for you! Evidently you have no issues in this arena, unlike the OP who suddenly found himself sorely tempted, without any warning or prior experience to know how he'd react. That's why I wrote:
[quote]
People are hardwired differently, and we have to know ourselves to stay honest despite temptations in many other directions.

[/quote]
</p>

54

<p>Every employee has responsibility to safeguard his employer's assets. One of teacher's responsibilities is to make sure every student is treated fairly and equally. By leaving his computer open or tests on his desk, he is compromising his employer's(school's) promise to its customers (students). In this case, I believe other students are the victims(they are the ones with lower ranks or grades), not the teacher. It is the same when we have security issues at work, it is the customers that pay for our mistakes (customers are the victims, not employees).</p>

55

<p>Why give them the tempation? Also, it really was not a good thing to do, given that other students' grades were right there. Maybe you want to take a chance that a student won't tamper with a grade, but aren't students entitled to their privacy when it comes to their marks? I would not leave tests, papers, grades of students out where others could see them. They are supposed to be kept private, aren't they?</p>

56

<p>Of course one of the thing my teachers have asked me is to explicitly verify that they can trust me. "Can I leave you in the room with this?" </p>

<p>Usually I don't think twice about answering yes because I'd be doing make-up work or something and interfering with the grading process is the last thing on my mind.</p>

57

<p>cpt is correct. I am responsible for the ethics and compliance function of a major corporation. I do a lot of reading and training on financial fraud. The principles here are similar. The key factor is OPPORTUNITY. Given opportunity, a certain segment of the population will steal or commit a fraudulent act. This is why we have all the little old ladies stealing from their churches, trusted bookkeepers stealing from the dentists for whom they work etc. Removing the opportunity is key.</p>

58

<p>Creating a safe environment is a two-way street. The victim, "Kelly" ALSO made an error, and it contributed to John Doe's situation by providing temptation. While most other people wouldn't have imagined raping Kelly, for this student it was a temptation, which I compared to leaving one's purse (or wallet) out on the teacher's desk as an illustrative point. People are hardwired differently, and we have to know ourselves to not violate someone else despite temptations in many other directions.</p>

<p>As a teacher, I initiated that comment, and compared grades to currency, and a woman wearing a blouse to an open cash register with bills hanging out in front of customers in a vacated store.</p>

<p>I'm saying that Kelly would be an even better woman to learn not to be alone with any man and provide such a tempting opportunity. If I were Kelly, I wouldn't only be blaming the student, but would be thinking about how I might revise my blouse-wearing habits to be more careful as well.</p>

59

<p>I think that someone like a teacher has the responsibility to keep his grade book and other materials away from prying eyes. Most teachers do this routinely, and consider a mistake when they leave the materials open like that to a student. We consider it a mistake to leave our purses unattended. I don't think anyone is going to take your side on that one. It is not comparable to your example. However, there are rape victims that do make everyone shake their heads at the foolishness of the situations they put themselves in. It also makes it much more difficult to get a conviction of the rapist. There are ways to behave to make it less likely that you become a victim. It's painful when you are a victim of a crime or a breach of trust, so it does behoove you to take some precautions.</p>

<p>I am not diminishing the blame on the culprits in each case. It is absolutely wrong to steal, rape, snoop. That the item was there to take, the grade to change is no defense at all. I think it is common sense on the part of all of us to be careful of certain things. In the case of the teacher, there is also her responsibility to other students privacy, and the security of their grades. It is not implausible that other kids' grades could have been lowered and she may not have noticed. She has a responsibility to guard those records because it is not just herself affected and it is her job to safeguard those things. The same with a bank employee or cashier with money. I daresay they could lose their job if they left the money unattended and it disappeared. I don't think the victim analogy would hold any water there.</p>

60

<p>My last post wasn't to try to draw an exact link. Payfor3tuitions's post #42 just struck me as icky in some fashion, so I copied, pasted, and adjusted. I agree with you almost entirely, that the teacher should have kept it more secure. And as you previously said, temptation does not mitigate the student's mistake.</p>

<p>My main issue, however, is that there's a common sentiment here that the teacher is, or should be, mandated to lock down everything when they leave. While this is wishful thinking, a high school is not a bank. Privacy of information is not tantamount to the point of firing for breaches. It's an institution to educate teenagers. And depending on the school, much of it can be run on the honor system. For a teacher to step out with software running and a student in the room he/she has had for 3 years and respects is not a heinous sin, and should not be treated as such.</p>